


History Has Its Eyes On You

by Carpe_History



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Episode Remix, F/M, Flashbacks, Food problems, Hamilton References, Lack of Shakespeare, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Soul Bond, T'hy'la, Tarsus IV, Wordcount: 50.000-100.000, conscience of the king, implied mchekov, implied uhotty, instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 57,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpe_History/pseuds/Carpe_History
Summary: Even if they all lived, Jimmy didn’t think that Tom would keep the eye.Kevin slowly stopped crying, and Jimmy was sure that the boy would fall back asleep soon. Jimmy knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon.He remembered an old song that his mother had played once before Frank came into their lives.“Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.” He hummed to himself.He had to make sure his kids survived and that they all would get off Tarsus IV.Kevin Riley just wants to explore space with the captain who had saved him as a child.Spock wants to tell Jim that he will never let Jim find out what life would be like without Spock.Jim wants to go back to space with his crew behind him and Spock at his side and Bones on his other.Just days before the Enterprise leaves to return to the five-year mission, Jim, Spock, and Bones take several crewmembers to see a play put on by the Karidan Players and Anton Karidan is the star.





	1. Yorktown

**Author's Note:**

> ok so Hi! 
> 
> I really wanted to write a conscious of the king for the AOS universe. I really hope that you all like what I did with everything. The idea wouldn't leave me alone. 
> 
> While writing this, i realized that I should have placed a ton of Shakespeare quotes if I wanted to be faithful to the original episode. But I didn't feel like doing that amount of research, and I already had the working title of history has its eyes on you. So I went when Hamilton quotes instead. 
> 
> Special thanks to FlamingBluePanda for letting me yell about this. omg. this was a hard one to finish. 
> 
> I'm Navy, so sometimes I can't pull away from the semi-military structure that Starfleet has so I played on that a little. If you are confused by a term just ask, things like pre-commissioning units, space trials instead of sea trials or Standing orders will occasionally show up because they are the practical things I can't imagine that Starfleet doesn't have despite its nonmilitary mission. 
> 
> Find me at asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon on Tumblr!

History Has Its Eyes On You

_Kevin was crying. That’s what woke Jimmy up. It was the middle of the night, and Kevin was crying._

_Jimmy got up from his place by the entrance of the cave. Linenette was awake as well, she was on watch, but she was ignoring Kevin’s cries. Jimmy reached out and picked up the three-year-old up from the thin blankets on the floor of the cave they were hiding in._

_“Hey, Kev. Shhh. Shhh. It will be all right.” Jimmy told Kevin. Jim rocked the boy in his arms. Jimmy was the oldest, and the younger children still trusted him when he said that it would be alright._

_Jimmy wasn’t sure he believed it. Tom didn’t believe, neither did any of the teens, but the children did. So, he repeated the lie in hopes that the universe would prove his words right._

_They had already lost and buried three of their number. Sara, Brian, and Melody. Kim was lost without her twin sister._

_When they had escaped from the guards, there was fifteen of them. Now they numbered at twelve. Kenneth was ill, and Tom was getting better, but he was still injured rather severely._

_Even if they all lived, Jimmy didn’t think that Tom would keep the eye._

_Kevin slowly stopped crying, and Jimmy was sure that the boy would fall back asleep soon._

_Jimmy knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon._

_He remembered an old song that his mother had played once before Frank came into their lives._

_“Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.” He hummed to himself._

_He had to make sure his kids survived and that they all would get off Tarsus IV._

-

Just two weeks before the launch of the Enterprise-A for Space Trials and commission, Jim finally receives the final set of orders for new cadets who will fill up the remaining spots in the crew’s roster. The commissioned officers had already been chosen and had reported to the ship last week. All Jim was waiting for was the cadets.

Forty-five of the best cadets that Starfleet had this year. His crew had made sure of that.

Spock was exacting in what he required in a cadet wishing to be posted to the Enterprise. The cadets and officers who applied to the Enterprise’s science staff were expected to hand over two theses and at least one complete proposal for an experiment in their chosen lab.

Jim knew that the science staff had a grand time with the applications about a month ago. They had met in one of the spacious conference rooms that Yorktown had. Spock and his team tore apart the proposals and the papers, keeping only the best.

Scotty had seen those requirements and held his engineering applicants to an even higher level. The thesis that Scotty, Keenser, Chekov and the other engineering staff read through and tested were enough to make Jim’s head spin. And he was good at engineering!

The communications officers had to prove to Uhura and her team that they had what it takes to survive the mission requirements of the Enterprise. She had personal interviews set up, and the applicants had to speak at least three federation languages and two non-federation languages and be able to pick up the faintest subspace signals.

Bones didn’t tell Jim precisely what went on in the interviews he conducted, but according to nurse Chapel, there had been crying afterword on the ones who didn’t do well. Bones was paranoid when it came to the health of the crew so that fact he was harsh during the interview process and had high requirements didn’t surprise him.

Jim was officially in charge of the command division’s choices. He had enlisted Sulu’s and Cupcake’s help in making sure the applicants were the best. Jim’s minimum requirements almost made the rest of the ship’s division's; apparently look like a cakewalk. He had to see excellent scores from the Academy. The essays on what command and leadership meant to each applicant were torn apart and put back together. The recommendations had to come from at least three professors or officers. Jim felt that he had the best coming to him.

And somewhere in there was Kevin Riley.

Jim felt pride as he looked down at the list where Kevin’s name was.

“Captain. You are grinning at your padd and have been so for the past five minutes. I assume you are happy about the crew assignments?” Spock asked as he looked up from the paperwork on his padd. They were in their shared office in one of Starfleet’s Yorktown buildings.

Jim just continued to grin. “I am. An old friend made it to the Enterprise. He’s going to be one of Scotty’s.”

Spock tilted his head slightly. “Oh? May I inquire as to whom you are speaking about?”

“Mr. Kevin Riley. We’ve known each other since childhood.” Jim told him. Jim had been pleased when Kevin had comm’ed him to say that he was applying to the Enterprise. Jim told Kevin that he, as Captain, was only planning on taking the best and Kevin had responded that wouldn’t be a problem. He’ll be among the top applications.

And he was. According to Scotty, Kevin’s application was brilliant, well thought out and he would be an excellent addition to the engineering staff.

“When will this Mr. Riley be arriving with us?” Spock asked. He learned over Jim’s shoulder to read Jim’s padd.

Jim had noticed that Spock was putting himself into Jim’s personal space more and more. Jim didn’t mind. In fact, he really liked it.

After years of being in love with Spock, he would take anything that he could get when it came to intimacy.

“Mr. Riley will be here in a week with the rest of the new crew members. The cadets from Starfleet Academy,” Jim said. He couldn’t wait. When Tom returned from his trip, he would also be on Yorktown. They haven’t been in the same place since….

Since…

...In years. The three of them hadn't been in the same place at the same time in years. 

Even in Jim’s own head he still had a hard time thinking about that place.

Jim shook his head. Spock moved away, and Jim felt a pang of disappointment. He forced that away with the idea of that place.

“Are you doing well sir?” Spock asked.

Jim smiled. “Yes, I am. Just thinking it would be good to see Kevin again. We both have a friend here on Yorktown.”

Spock nodded. Jim made a mental note to call up Tom before Kevin gets to Yorktown.

It will be good to see everyone again.

-

Jim looked bigger, no... greater than the last time Kevin had seen him.

Most the of the other officers who got off the transport shuttle was gaping at the USS Enterprise. The ship was still docked. She was being launched the next week, for space trials and her first mission. Then the official launch would be once they returned to Yorktown. She was just in front of them.

Most of the cadets had never seen a ship of the Enterprise’s caliber before. Even T’Renna was looking at the starship with interest.

Kevin knew that the ship was beautiful, but he wasn’t paying attention to it.

Kevin had eyes only for his captain. His friend and savior. Jim Kirk.

Of course, the last time Kevin had seen Jim in person was just before the Enterprise launched on the five-year mission nearly three years ago. Jim had still been on the tail end of his recovery from almost dying. He had put back on most of the weight that he had lost from being in the hospital and being immobile, but Jim had still been slightly underweight.

Jim had reminded Kevin how Jim had looked like in his very few clear memories of Tarsus.

Now though Jim was bigger, happier and healthier than he had been in a while. Even in the few vid comms, he had gotten, Jim had looked sad for a long while.

Jim didn’t look sad anymore.

Kevin walked out of the Starfleet transport ship with the other cadets who were assigned to the Enterprise. He was just one of many.

Jim had promised that Kevin would get a fair chance at getting the posting to the Enterprise. He had also guaranteed that no matter the results, Jim would tell him personally.

Kevin got that call two weeks ago. He may have literally danced around the room even before Jim had hung up. Kevin was still getting over no longer being a cadet. He was now a full officer in Starfleet.

Kevin smiled when he noticed one of his fellow former cadets, T’Renna, freeze next to him. She was a Vulcan cadet who had joined Starfleet because she was the last of her clan and she did not wish to attend the science academy. T'Renna wore command gold. She had become a stellar pilot. Her very Vulcan crush on Commander Spock made Kevin laugh every time it came up.  And hurt a little. Apparently, Tarsus survivors who join Starfleet also tend to have crushes on Vulcans.

She had frozen because the cadets had come to the landing platform and Captain James T. Kirk and Commander S’hin T’gai Spock stood, waiting for them.

The commander had a blank look on his face, but Jim was grinning at them. “Well come on! Form up. I know you know how!” he said to the former cadets, who burst into movement. Kevin had a feeling that if the group had indeed forgotten how to form up after seeing the Enterprise for the first time.

She was a sight that was worthy of awe. 

They fell into place, several rows each with a sea bag and a duffle bag at their feet. Jim continued to grin as the former Cadets got themselves situated. Kevin made sure he was in the front row. T’Renna did the same.

“Welcome to the Enterprise!” Jim started when the officers had finished moving. “Well, almost all of the Enterprise! We’re getting commissioned in a few weeks, so we’re still not officially the USS Enterprise-A yet but its close. Right now, we’re pre-commissioning unit Enterprise-A.

“I am Captain James Kirk.” Jim continued, before waving at Spock, “This is our first officer, Commander Spock. Today, you’ll report to the quartermaster to get room assignments and then you’ll check in with each of your department heads. They’ll get you started. I hope everyone will be comfortable on the Enterprise and will find a home here."

“We’re leaving in less than a week to complete Space Trails then it’s off to the five-year mission. We’ve still got nearly three years left so get ready for that!” Jim finished his welcome speech. “I welcome you all to the Enterprise, and I will get to know all of you as time goes on.”

Spock spoke next. “You have all been given assignments after you have been given berthing, please proceed to your department heads. Communications officers, your location has changed from the last message sent out. Please report to the rec room instead of conference room four.”

Jim nodded. “You are good to go! Dismissed!

Kevin watched as the other officers picked up their bags and started to walk to the Enterprise. The others were talking and laughing as they walked away. He knew that everyone was excited to be on the Enterprise. Kevin stayed still.

T’Renna had started to pick up her bags but paused when she noticed that Kevin had not joined her. “Ensign Riley? Are you not coming to report on the ship?”

“I’ll catch up, T’Renna. I’ll see the rest of you guys later. I have something I want to do first.” Kevin told her. T’Renna had been in charge of his duty section while they had been at the academy and she still retained that sense of responsibility for him.

“If you insist, Riley,” she said, and she picked up her bags and followed the last of the group.

When she had left, Kevin turned to Jim.

Jim and Commander Spock were watching the new crew members enter the Enterprise.

“It’s good to see you sir!” he said, as he walked up to Jim. Jim gave him a warm smile that Kevin had missed. He had missed his friend.

Jim’s face twitched. “Don’t call me sir, Kev. Or at least don’t do it when we aren’t around people. It would be like Bones calling me James all the time. Anyway. How are you? The transport wasn’t too bad? I know it took a week to get here from earth!”

Kevin nodded. “It wasn’t too bad. I’m glad that transports have gotten faster. A week wasn’t too long. I’m so glad to be here that the time wasn’t that bad.”

“I’m glad. Oh! This is my first officer, Spock.” Jim said, waving at the commander. “Bones wanted to be here, but some new and fancy medical equipment is being installed today, so he’s at medical.”

Kevin had met Bones twice before. He hadn’t met Spock yet.

Spock shifted, clearly catching Jim’s attention. “The ROSL is an extremely valuable-“ He started to say, and Jim interrupted him.

“Yes, it’s a very important fancy medical equipment that I don’t really want to know what it’s for. That’s Bones’ job.” Jim said. He sounded fond, despite his sarcasm. There was a look in his eyes that made Jim’s whole expression soften.

Kevin bit back a laugh. He knew that Jim was in love. That had been obvious to the people who knew Jim well. Kevin, Bones and a few others but he had never been so blatant about it before.

Kevin wondered if something had changed with Commander Spock.

He hoped so.

He didn’t know how to read the commander very well yet, but there was something about Spock that reminded Kevin of T’Renna when she was Vulcan crushing hard.

“I’m sure I’ll see Doctor McCoy when I check in,” Kevin told Jim and Commander Spock, interrupting the verbal sparring that was going on. “I’m reporting to Mr. Scott, right?”

Jim nodded. “Yep. That’s where you’ll be working. You might be one of the rotations on the bridge. You might not. That’s up to Scotty to decide.” He reached down and picked up Kevin’s duffle bag. Kevin grabbed his sea bag and followed Jim toward the ship.

Just before they reached the ramp to the elevator to the Enterprise, Jim stopped and looked up at the ship.

“Did you think we ever get here, Jimmy?” Kevin asked as he stood next to Jim. Commander Spock stood slightly behind them. “After everything?”

Jim glanced at him and then back to the Enterprise. When Jim looked back to the ship, he had the same look on his face as he did when he looked at Commander Spock.

Like he was in love.

“After what happened? No. but I’m so glad that we’re here.” Jim said. Then he stepped on the ramp.

Kevin followed. He didn’t miss Commander Spock’s thinking look. 

Vulcan’s always had the same look when presented with a mystery.

-

_“What would I do without you, Spock?”_

That breathless, relieved question that Jim had asked after saving Jim from flying into space, made Spock understand the phrase ‘Thrown for a loop’ when he first heard it six months ago.

Spock had been shaken, not because he did not understand the question, but because he had a gut reaction to it.

His gut said that if Spock had his way, Jim would never find out what it would be like to be without Spock.

It had been a visceral feeling that Spock had never really experienced before in such a manner.

He was not angry nor was he upset. It was a gut reaction to the mere idea that Jim would live without him. It was a complete and utter rejection of the notion. Spock would have used the word 'revulsion' to describe the feeling, but even that was not a strong enough adjective nor was it accurate. 

Whatever Spock felt it was visceral. 

Jim would never live without Spock. Spock belonged at his side, and he always would be.

But Spock had found out that knowing he held that conviction did not mean Spock knew how to handle that emotion.

Nyota was an amazing friend while Spock tried to figure out how to handle realizing that the most important person in his life was his captain.

It was clear after the events on Altimir and the issues with the USS Franklin’s crew that his and Nyota’s relationship was over. Spock still cared deeply for Nyota, but he did not believe that he was going to be able to provide her happiness in any manner. 

At least not anymore.

What was once there, that possibility to make each other more then they were alone, was no longer present in their relationship.

Nyota had felt the same. If he was even willing to leave it was clear that she was not providing him what he needed either.

They had remained friends. And Spock was grateful for that. If he did not have a friend in Nyota, he would not be processing his emotions nearly as well.

“Spock….” Nyota sighed as they sat in her quarters. She stopped and tried again. “Spock. You felt jealous of a new crew member? Is that what you are saying?”

Spock considered this.

The last time Nyota has asked a clarification of his emotional state he had come away from the meeting finding out that he was in love with the captain.

That had been three months ago. Three months after Spock had realized that he would never leave Jim’s side.

He had just related the story of greeting the new crew members to the Enterprise earlier that day. “I did not consider that I may be jealous because of Mr. Riley. I do not believe that was what occurred. I was merely curious about the relationship between the captain and Mr. Riley.” Spock said after a moment’s thought.

Nyota looked dubious but accepted his answer. “Well, if you are curious then why haven’t you asked Kirk yet?”

“I have. The captain simply said that Riley was an old friend and did not elaborate further. As Mr. Riley is Irish, I did not believe that they met while the captain was in Iowa.” Spock told her.

Nyota shrugged. “They might have traveled together. I don’t know, Spock. Sometimes people meet. Kirk doesn’t need to tell everyone everything.”

Spock nodded. “I understand. If the information comes to light, then I will know.”

“Good,” Nyota said. “Now I have a date with Scotty tonight, and I don’t want to miss it.” She stood from her couch. Spock took that as his cue to leave. He felt he was getting better at understanding human phrases and implications. Spock noted that this was the third date with Mr. Scott in the past two weeks. He was relieved that Nyota was finding happiness with Mr. Scott.

Spock had noticed Mr. Scott’s affection for Nyota before he and Nyota had ended their relationship. He had not put much attention on Mr. Scott's interest. Mr. Scott did not try to interfere with his relationship with Nyota, so he did not feel threated. Now that it was clear that he was not intent on reforming a relationship with Nyota, Mr. Scott had merely done what he wanted most.

“Aren’t you, Kirk and McCoy going to the Admiral’s play tonight?” Nyota asked as she opened her closet just before Spock got to the door.

Spock nodded. Admiral Chase, commander of Starfleet operations: Yorktown, had invited Kirk to bring along several guests to see a play being thrown by a traveling group of actors.

It was supposed to be a rendition of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Spock was looking forward to seeing the play. He had long been a fan of Shakespeare’s works. His mother had introduced them to him at a young age, and it had been a way of reading and understanding emotions without others to mock him for it.

Hamlet had not been one of his favorites, but he was still looking forward to the play.

“We are. The play is being given by the Karidian players. I believe that the captain is planning on bringing a few of the crew members as a reward or by lottery.” Spock said.

Nyota smiled, “Have fun then. Keep Kirk out of trouble.” She waved.

Spock did not give the standard ‘Vulcans do not have fun.' She knew it was not right.

He gave the salute and left her quarters. He had an hour before he was meeting Jim, McCoy and whoever Jim has picked to join them in the out in front of the ship.

He would spend that time meditating.

-

Jim didn’t know when he realized he was in love with Spock.

It had just happened.

At first, he was just trying to be Spock’s friend. And then somewhere along the way he had fallen so deeply in love that he knew he would never move on.

Nor did he want to. Spock was amazing.

For the past four or so years, Jim had no intention of telling Spock that he was in love with him. Spock had Uhura and while that hurt at times, Jim was an adult and capable of being there for Spock.

It helped that Uhura, and he had started to get along rather well. Their professional relationship began to grow into respect that somehow ended up as casual friends. Jim was relieved. Uhura and he may have a past, but they had a balance.

Then the Enterprise reached Yorktown, and the absolute shitshow that was Altimir and Edison, and Jim found out that Spock and Uhura had broken up, permanently.

And Jim was unsure of what to do about that.

Because now Spock was showing signs of interest. He was stepping into Jim’s space. Spock was not only tolerating Jim’s touch but sometimes starting it. He was seeking Jim out to spend time together when before he would just see Uhura.

Or Jim was hoping for too much and was inventing things to see.

That was a possibility.

But Jim had that hope.

He didn’t know what he was going to do about that hope though. He was tempted to just ask Spock out on a date, but he lost the courage to do so the moment he saw Spock.

Jim straightened out his dress uniform. He disliked the stiffness of the gray dress uniform, but it did wonders for his looks.  He was meeting Spock and Bones and a random selection of crew members to see a play. Admiral Chase was hosting the event, so that made it an official Starfleet event.

So now he had to be in dress uniform.

Jim was looking forward to the event though. Spock was actually excited, and that was hard to resist. Jim loved it when Spock was happy, even if Spock, himself, would never admit it. 

He looked himself over in the mirror of his quarters and smiled. He looked good. Maybe good enough to turn the head of a certain Vulcan. Jim shook his head, smile still on his face. He would deal with his feelings later.

He walked out of his quarters and walked to the ship’s ramp. He was glad that they were allowed to live on the starship again. They were almost ready to launch again.

Jim was ready to move. He was getting twitchy staying in one place. Even on a space station, Jim felt too grounded, too suck, too permanent. He had been right to reject the Vice Admiral position.

Jim needed to fly. He needed to be on the bridge of a ship. Preferably his Enterprise.

As he reached the ship’s ramp, he saw the crew members who were joining Spock, Bones, and he, at the play. It was an excellent mix of people and ranks. Some security, some science Two medical, and a few of engineering.

And Kevin Riley.

Jim smiled brightly at Kevin.

Spock was also waiting. Jim turned his attention to him. As always, Spock looked good in the gray dress uniform.

“Captain,” Spock said as Jim reached the group. “We are waiting for Dr. McCoy and the Misters Sulu.”

“Sulu and his husband are coming?” Jim asked. He did not know this beforehand.

Spock nodded. “Yes. I was told he and his husband had received tickets before the Admiral made her offer.”

That made sense to Jim. Ben Sulu had struck him as a man who liked the arts. Their daughter was always talking about being a ballet dancer. Jim was saved from answering by Bones’ voice coming up behind them.

“I swear the collar of these things get smaller every time I wear it!” Bones complained as he walked into the group followed by Sulu. “Why do the dress uniforms need to be so uncomfortable?” he asked.

“Well Bones, it’s because they don’t want you, personally, to be comfortable! Is everyone here?” Jim got a yes from Spock, and off they went to Yorktown’s theater.

Admiral Chase was glad to see them. She invited them down and gave them fairly good seats. Jim had just sat down next to Spock, Bones was on Spock’s other side.

They had barely settled when a familiar voice came from behind them. “Jimmy?”

 Jim looked up and saw Tom Leighton, standing a few rows back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bones and Spock do the same.  He saw movement at the end of the row and figured that Kevin had heard Tom too.

It had been years since he had seen Tom in person. It had been even longer since Jim, Kevin and Tom were in the same place at the same time. The man was Jim’s height and had a large black mask on the left side of his face. The mask covered his left eye and ear.

“Tom! I thought you weren’t going to be back from your trip for the next week!” Jim said standing. Tom walked down to Jim’s row and hugged him.

Tom smiled down at Jim, the right part of his face wasn’t covered by a large black mask. Jim knew what the black mask hid. Tom was lucky to live after the infection that he had caught just days before Starfleet saved them.  “I got back early. Martha wanted me home.” Tom waved at his wife. She waved from their seats several rows up.

Jim waved back. He had met Martha over video communications several times.

Jim nodded at his friend. “So, you came to see a play?”

“It’s more than that but for the most part, yes,” Tom said. “Who are you with?” He looked curiously at the row of Starfleet officers that Jim had brought. They had been looking at Tom with curiosity.

“Yes, Jim-boy. Please introduce us to your friend.” Bones said. Jim playfully glared at Bones. Spock just tilted his head.

Jim waved at them. “This is part of my crew. The one who won’t shut up is my chief medical officer, Lieutenant Commander Leonard McCoy.” Bones stood and shook hands with Tom. Bones was clearly putting two and two together to get four.

Bones knew why Jim didn’t eat salads often. And Tom clearly had trauma.

Bones would know.

“And this is my first officer, Commander Spock.” Spock stood and gave Tom the Vulcan salute. Tom waved back at Spock. He didn’t try to touch him. That was good because Spock hated when most people did that.

Spock didn’t hate it when Jim touched him. And Jim pushed that thought away. He didn’t need to be thinking about his unrequited love right now.

“And my chief helmsman is here somewhere. He’s sitting with his husband.” Jim finished.

“Guys this is Tom Leighton. We met as children,” Jim said. Bones accepted that, but Spock looked like had questions.

Jim pushed on without even letting Spock voice his questions.

“Tom, you will never believe who checked into my command last week,” Jim told him. Kevin was standing up and making his way over to the group. Clearly, he had been listening to the conversation.

“Jimmy, I have never been good at guessing games,” Tom said, and Jim laughed.

“Fair enough. Mr. Riley! Come here!” Jim said.

Kevin made his way forward, and Tom’s eyes widened. “Kev? Kevin? I thought you were still on Earth at the Academy!” he reached forward and pulled Kevin into a hug.

Kevin hugged back. “I was, but I got orders to the Enterprise. Do you know the sheer amount of work I had to do to get these orders?”

Tom pulled back and smiled down at Kevin. Tom’s face wasn’t filled with laugh lines. It was clear that Tom was used to frowning. Jim was glad that they could make him smile even for a short time. “I can imagine. Jim’s determined to get the best. You’ve always been like that Jimmy. Even before everything.”

Jim hid the flinch at the implication of Tarsus. As did Kevin. Tom didn’t have to. “Well, with the situations that we get into it makes sense.”

Tom laughed. “I can also imagine what craziness you guys in Starfleet get into. I'm glad that my eye keeps me grounded. I can't handle that mess!”

They are interrupted by the house lights dimming. Tom looked at Jim and asked, “Looks like it’s time. Are you going to the after party hosted by Admiral Chase?”

Jim nodded. “Me, Spock and Bones will be. The others are lucky enough to get to go back to the ship.”

Kevin laughed at that. Apparently, someone had filled the new crew in. Probably Scotty.  The parties the Admiralty had made the Enterprise crew go to after the attack on Yorktown are the stuff of legend. And not in a good way. Jim was glad that he was able to keep his crew away from the after party.

“Good, I will see you there,” Tom said. He then walked back to his seat by his wife. Jim sat down. Kevin made his way back to his seat.

The house lights went dark, and Jim watched at a pretty actress walked on stage to give an introduction to Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

-

_The harvest had been tainted._

_Not that there had been much to taint. The fungus had killed many plants, and last month Jim had helped to harvest less than one-third of the crops planted._

_They hadn't eaten a full meal in at least two weeks. No one had. The month before that the colonists had been told that the stores were fine and that everyone can eat normally. Two weeks ago, the government changed their tune._

_His cousin, Meredith, was sure that there were going to be even more problems. Jim was hungry. People were angry. There was a riot yesterday._

_Now people were being told to meet at the town square. The peacekeepers were telling people that food was going to be provided if people went calmly._

_Jim and his cousin were told to go there. On their way, Jim saw Kevin Riley’s and Tom Leighton’s families. He also saw Hiroshi Saito. She was trying to get people to come to her._

_Something told Jim to go to her. He grabbed Meredith’s hand and pulled her to Hiroshi._

_“What’s going on, Hiroshi?” Meredith asked when they got close. There was a small crowd of people. Chiefly children with a few of their parents._

_Hiroshi looked truly upset. “I don’t trust the governor. I don’t think they are passing out food like they claim they are. Look. Half the colony is here.”_

_Maradith looked around and nodded. “It’s like every species is here. I think that’s all of the Telerites we have and that’s definitely all of the Andoridans….”_

_Kevin_ _Riley’s mother came over. Jim took Kevin from her so that the adults could talk more. Jim listened still. “I think all of the old or sick are here too. Meredith, Hiroshi. What’s going on?” her Irish accent growing thicker as she became more upset._

_“I don’t know.” Hiroshi looked around and then looked at Jim. She seemed to hesitate, and Jim wasn’t sure what that meant._

_H_ _iroshi bit her lip then turned to Jim and said firmly, “I want you to run if something starts happening. Get people to follow you. Go to the in the cliffs. Move often. Keep the group alive, ok Jim?”_

_Jim stared at her. Then nodded slowly. This wasn’t the Hiroshi who was trying to teach him languages. Or help him through his anger issues from Frank. Or help him figure out how to babysit kids._

_This was Hiroshi Saito. Starfleet officer. He would listen._

_As the crowd grew Jim pulled people toward him. His cousin and Hiroshi did the same. Tom’s family followed. Jim saw Tom’s little brother and parents on the other side of Hiroshi. Kevin’s parents were in the crowd looking for more people. He had several classmates and siblings of classmates with him._

_The square was full when the governor came out. Kodos was a decent governor. While some of his ideas were disliked, most of the colony trusted him._

_He had promised them food._

_So, they came without a fuss. They didn’t fight like they had for weeks. They didn’t protest._

_They wanted to survive and eat._

_And they trusted Kodos._

_Kodos opened a pad and read out something that changed Jim’s life forever. Words he would never forget._

_“The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered. Signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus iv.”_

_Hiroshi turned to Jim and shouted, “RUN!” She then leaped out and punched the nearest guard who was trying to shoot her._

_Jim’s cousin did the same. Meredith distracted the guards, but others had started shooting._

_The phasers weren’t set to stun._

_Kevin cried out as he saw his parents disappear._

_Jim was already running. He was running faster than he had ever run before. He was followed by close to twenty people._

_Tom’s little brother was the first fall. He had been hit square in the back. Tom cried out, but he didn’t stop running. His little brother had been small enough that he was gone with that phaser blast.  His parents had stayed behind to give them a chance to get out._

_Two others, and later Jim would realize that he didn’t even know who they were, were hit and killed._

_He kept his kids running. He tightens his grip on Kevin. Linenette had Melody in her arms. Will was holding Kim. The others were alone. He was terrified._

_Tom was hit by a grazing shop, and he stumbled and turned to see his attacker, but he caught up to them quickly. His face was covered in blood._

_Jim kept them running. They needed to get to the caves._

_They passed people who weren’t on the list. They survived. As they left the town and headed past the empty fields and farms, Jim swore he could hear the guards shouting about where his kids had gone._

_He could have also sworn that he heard someone say they had gone back into town._

_But Jim dismissed that._

_All he could really here was heavy breaths, footfalls, and “the revolution was successful. Your execution is so ordered.”_

_-_

Kevin wasn’t a huge fan of plays. He didn’t dislike them he just preferred to get his entertainment from movies instead. And Shakespeare was hard to understand. So, he was already bored when the play started.

He was thinking more about how cool it was to see Tom again. The vids were the most they had in years. He wasn’t paying any attention to the actors on stage.

Until the lead actor, the one paying Hamlet got up and spoke for the first time.

The moment the lead actor opened his mouth and spoke, Kevin had to glue himself to the chair.

All of his attention was glued to the stage before him, and he couldn’t pull it away.

He was on edge. His skin felt like it was crawling.

He was having difficulty breathing.

This wasn’t a panic attack, but it was close.

Kevin hadn’t had one in years, but he remembered what they felt like.

And something about that actor set him off. He was helpless as he stared at the actor. His body and mind telling him that he had to keep eyes on that man or something terrible would happen. His mind was in flight or fight and…

And…

And he didn’t know why.

The old man was just an actor Kevin had never seen in his life before.

As the play went on Kevin felt the panic settle into the pit of his stomach. He hated that feeling.

A hand touched his arm. The action pulled Kevin’s attention away from the actor and the stage.

Next, to him, T’Renna had stopped paying attention to the performance to watch him. “Are you alright, Riley?” She asked in a low whisper. “You are showing panic at an inappropriate level for this venue.”

He must be worse off if T’Renna, a Vulcan, had to ask. He didn’t really want her to know about his problems because of an actor that happens to sound like a nightmare. He would preferably tell her eventually. Kevin shook his head. “No.” he didn’t think he could say more. T’Renna frowned slightly and she placed a hand on his hand and then he was starting to breathe easier.

The panic was drained away.

“I’m pushing my calm to you, Riley. This only works while I am touching you.” T’Renna said.

Kevin nodded. “Can you stay?” his voice felt small but didn’t care. The panic was gone. But the memory of it was still strong. “This won’t hurt you, will it?”

She didn’t even hesitate. “I can continue to touch you. No, I am not taking your panic. I am merely pushing it away from you.”

Kevin nodded again. He didn’t look at the stage again. He kept his eyes on the floor.

-

Jim was also freaking out.

The actor. The old actor was so very familiar. And his voice. Jim still had nightmares about that sound.

But that was impossible.

Jim was freaking out over nothing. It was nothing.

This poor man’s voice was so similar to a madman’s.

Jim could hear Tom’s intake of breath behind him. And out of the corner of his eye, Jim could see Kevin become very still.

Jim didn't have a panic attack. He had never had them after Tarsus. He just had an eating disorder. But this actor was enough to set Jim’s nerves on edge.

Everything in him said that he needed to get his people and run. Get a head count. Get food. Get out. Run. Jim twisted in his seat to visually check on his people. He ran though faces and names and counted. He got twenty-one. Excluding himself.

That was the right number.

Spock twitched next to him. Some of Jim’s attention was pulled from his people to focused on Spock.

Spock leaned over and asked in a low voice, “Jim, there is no danger here. Why are you performing a headcount?”

“I don’t know Spock.” Jim lied. He put on a good, reassuring smile. He could lie even to the love of his life to spare Spock the truth of Tarsus. “I just needed some assurance that my people are all accounted for.”

Spock nodded. He always accepted Jim’s odd manner of leadership with ease. Spock didn’t question Jim’s occasional need to walk tough the halls at night and make sure all of his people were accounted for. He would join in sometimes. Nor did he question Jim’s standing order that no more than three replicators could be offline at one time. Or the standing order about how people must eat the correct amount of times a day for their species unless they had a medical reason not to.

Jim would make sure that his people, his crew, would be able to eat and survive. Food will never be a worry on his ship as long as he had something to do with it.

“Your people are all accounted for,” Spock said solemnly. As he did so, the actor came back on stage, and Jim’s attention was glued to the play before him. Jim was well aware that he was glaring at the man like he had killed Jim’s crew. He is also cognizant that Spock could read him like an open book.

Jim didn’t care. That man was setting off alarm bells.

And it had to be a coincidence.

Kodos was dead.

So, he was panicking over nothing. Jim needed to remember that. He was being affected by something that his brain was making up. The threat wasn’t real.

Spock reached out and placed a hand on Jim’s. Jim pulled his attention away from the actor. He stared at the hand touching his.

He had seen Spock and Uhura interact often enough to know that hand touching meant something in Vulcan culture. He looked up at Spock.

Spock looked back at him. The tips of his ears were slightly green.

Jim twisted his hand in Spock’s grip. If Spock didn’t mind holding hands, then Jim wasn’t going to complain. He intertwined their fingers and held onto Spock’s hand tightly.

Spock's hand became his anchor. Jim guessed that he actually was having a minor panic attack after all. He needed the anchor. He required Spock. They weren’t even done with the second act. 

Let alone the other three that followed.

-

Spock was sure that he had just watched his captain panic.

It was not a novel experience. It was one Spock ever wanted to see repeated. Jim had been visually distraught at the idea of letting his crew go back to the ship unwatched. He had been counting heads and refusing to let people wander off.

Spock had been about to volunteered to escort the crew, to help keep his captain calm.

Spock was grateful when Mr. Sulu and his husband said that they were going to go to the ship anyway and would accompany the crew. Spock wasn’t sure if Mr. Sulu understood that the Capitan was panicking, though he probably did; it didn’t matter. Jim trusted Sulu to protect the crew if anything happened.

Kevin Riley has also been panicking. He had been more visible than the captain’s panic attack. Spock assumed that was because Riley lacked the training to hide what he was feeling, most command division officers received some training. Riley was engineering. He would not have participated in such practices. 

The new Vulcan crew member, Ell’pent T’Renna, had been keeping a hand on Riley’s shoulder, Spock inferred that T’Renna was keeping Riley from panicking further. Spock made eye contact with T’Renna and inclined his head to Riley and nodded. T’Renna nodded back. She understood that he had ordered her to watch over Riley.

Vulcans protect their own.

Even when their own were experiencing something that they did not understand.

Mr. Leighton and his wife were standing a little way from Jim, McCoy, and Spock. They were having a furious quiet conversation. Spock wanted to listen, but he was distracted by McCoy and Jim.

“Are you sure that you want to go to this party, Jim?” McCoy asked. He was watching Jim with a concerned look on his face.

Jim shrugged. “I have to. Remember that it’s Chase throwing this thing. We have to go.”

“I’m sure I could get you out of it if I tried,” McCoy said, crossing his arms. Spock knew that he was unhappy that Jim was being forced to go after what happened in the theater.

“I’ll be fine, Bones. I’ll just stay out of the crowd more today.” Jim said. “I can handle myself.”

“Like that would happen.” McCoy scoffed. “Don’t drink anything tonight.”

Jim nodded. “I won’t. I’m going on duty after we get back to the ship so I wouldn’t anyway. Come on, let’s get Tom and go to the party.”

The party was in a building right next to the theater. Most of the cast was there.

But as Spock looked around, he did not see the lead actor, a man named Anton Karidian. He was glad. Karidian’s presence would just cause Jim undue stress.

Spock stayed by Jim’s side for most of the night. Before the play had started, he had been looking forward to talking to some of the actors about Shakespeare, but after Jim’s reaction, he longer wanted to do that. McCoy took over Jim’s normal socializing, information gathering and glad-handling. Jim had shot him a grateful look when McCoy had announced that he would be over by the Admiralty.

They had found a place near a corner that was still socially acceptable to loiter in. Spock had retrieved some of the non-alcoholic sparkling cider that some of the servers had.

He just wanted to make sure Jim was alright. They had spent most of the night only having to greet a few people had had a few conversations that were quickly over. Jim kept directing questions to Spock and Spock, kept giving the driest answers that he could. It shut down most people who wanted to cozy up to Spock’s Captain.

Jim was getting better and becoming more engaged with Spock as the night went on.

Or at least he was until one of the actresses came over and tried to flirt with Jim.

He wanted the young Miss Lenore Karidian to leave Jim alone. He found her presence annoying. She was the daughter of the lead actor if the playbill was correct.

After the conversation with Nyota that afternoon, Spock was fairly sure that he was jealous. He did not like the feeling.

Lenore Karidian was a small beautiful blonde who was just as charming as Jim was. She was capable of holding an intelligent conversation, but she wasn’t at Spock’s level. Or really at the level of most the crew of Enterprise. She was interesting because of her skill at her chosen craft. Something Spock respected but she seemed to be lacking depth other than that.

Lenore was someone who fit the bill of Jim’s preferred partner. Intelligent, beautiful, unique.

And that set Spock’s nerves on edge.

But Jim’s response to her helped sway Spock’s nerves.

“I’m sure that you enjoyed the play, Captain. You look like a man who is well traveled. Have you had the chance to see many others?” Lenore asked. Jim had already lied to her and said that he did enjoy the play. Spock knew that Jim would hide behind a mask of pleasantly.

Spock was here to make sure that Jim could do that. It was not often that Spock served the place of buffer in-between Jim and the rest of the world. That task, when it was needed, usually fell to McCoy who had a better understanding of people and emotions but tonight Spock was determined to play his part well.

“The Enterprise is often in high demand. We do not have much time to see the arts like we would wish to.” Jim replied. “I believe the last time we saw a play was on Jienn’la II last year, wasn’t it, Mr. Spock?”

Spock nodded. “Indeed, captain. The Jinneise celebrated new treaties negotiations with plays that showed successful historical treaties and how they worked out in favor of everyone involved. I believe that the intent was to help create the sense of success and a desire to allow the new treaty to become part of the history.”

Lenore nodded in seriousness. “I imagine that created a captivating relationship with culture and the arts.” She said to Spock before turning and trying to catch Jim’s undivided attention again, “I can’t believe that it’s been a year since you have seen a play, Captain! You must tell me more about the experience!”

Spock wanted to release a sigh at being ignored, but he knew better. Jim proved his earlier supposition right. “I would love to, Miss Karidian, but I am not allowed to go into detail about that treaty yet. The federation council is still in discussion with the planet over some of the finer points.”

Lenore reached out and put her hand on Jim’s arm. She slid it down slowly and sensually. “I’m sure that you can tell me something about that play? I’m not asking for the treaty information. Perhaps we could discuss it more in-depth after this wonderful party? ‘I may not live to see our glory, but I will gladly join the fight. And when our children tell our story, they'll tell the story of tonight’. Our story could be just beginning, Captain Kirk?”

Spock was gripped with the sudden desire to pull Jim from her reach, into his arms, and growl ‘no.'

He did not have to. Jim stepped away from her hand. This actually put him closer to Spock, something that Spock approved of. He liked whatever closeness with Jim he could get.

“I really can’t, Miss Karidian. I am on duty tonight. But thank you for the interested in the Federation’s growth.” Jim said. He was smiling still, but it was harried and a little sharp. 

Lenore frowned. She looked unhappy that Jim was turning her down. 

Spock wondered if anyone other than him and the doctor had any idea that Jim was growing to the end of his rope. “I’m afraid that we must be going. I do have the night watch when we get back the ship.” Jim said.

Spock was relieved that they were going to be leaving soon.  He wanted to get Jim out of the situation. Spock would have thought that Lenore would move on now that it was clear that Jim was not interested in her. He was wrong.

“I’m sure that we can meet again, Captain. Would you like to meet me tomorrow for dinner?” She said. This was the most forward she had been all night. Spock did sigh. This went unnoticed by Lenore, but Jim glanced at him. 

Spock brushed the back of his hand against Jim's. Jim's emotions were tremendous but not overwelling. He was hurried and getting upset, but he still managed to be somewhat gracious as he turned down Karidian. 

“I am rather sure that I can’t. We are leaving in less than a week, Miss Karidian. This was the last social event that we have time for. But thank you for the offer.” Jim said. He waved his arm towards the door. “Mr. Spock, if you will.”

“Yes, sir,” Spock said as he started to lead the way out of the crowded room.

Lenore’s voice stopped him for a moment, “Captain Kirk, you will find ‘there's a million things I haven't done, just you wait.' I hope you are there to see them.”

Jim turned and nodded, “I am sure there are. Have a good evening, Miss Karidian.” Jim looked back at Spock and gestured for him to continue to walk out of the crowd.

As they got closer to the door, Spock saw McCoy and Mr. Leighton waiting near the door as well.

“Ya done, Jimmy boy?” McCoy asked.

Nodding, Jim said, “Good god, yes. I’m ready to get back to my ship.”

Mr. Leighton was looking in the direction of where Jim and Spock just came from. Spock turned and followed his gaze. Lenore Karidian was now surrounded by her fellow actors. She was still watching them. Spock assumed that it was Jim she was looking at.

“Tom? Are you and Martha leaving too?” Jim asked Mr. Leighton.

Mr. Leighton nodded. “Once she gets back from the bathroom we will be. I’m glad to see you again. Can I see you before you leave? I’ve got some interesting things with genetically fortifying grain that I would like to see if you can do anything with.”

Jim only hesitated for a split second. “Sure Tom. Comm me with a time and I’ll make it happen.”

Tom nodded again. “I will, Jimmy. Be safe out there.”

“I will Tom,” Jim said, and he leads them outside. McCoy was chattering about what he heard to Jim and Spock was observing the conversation.

When they had walked back to the Enterprise and McCoy had left them to go to bed, Jim turned to him and asked, “I know you don’t have watch tonight but would you mind if you come up to the bridge with me? You can tell me about what the labs are doing.”

“Yes, of course, Jim,” Spock said. Spock would do almost anything to make Jim happy. Jim never asked for much.

Jim’s smile was small but real.


	2. Wait For It

Bones was eating breakfast in the mess when he saw Jim come into the room. Jim was getting off of watch from the night before. He would be getting dinner then going to bed.

But Jim ignored the replicators and mess line. While the ship was in port, they could have fresh food. The replicators were faster though.

Jim made a beeline for Bones’ table. Bones set down his fork and prepared himself for bad news.

Jim only comes into the Mess and doesn’t eat when he has bad news for someone in the mess.

If Jim was coming over here, Bones knew it had to be wrong. Jim sat himself down across from Bones. He looked around and watched everyone else eat for a few moments. Jim was twisting his head around and looking at every table.  

And that’s when Bones started to suspect that things might be worse than bad news.

“Jim. Looking for someone?” Bones asked.

Jim shook his head. He was watching each and every person eat.

Bones thought ‘oh no.’ He got a feeling in the pit of his stomach at Jim’s actions. He had seen that before.

Jim had done this before. In their second year at the academy, Jim had shown this behavior previously. He had made sure all of his friends had eaten and had nearly refused to feed himself. He would refuse if he didn’t know if one of his friends hadn’t eaten. Jim had a wilderness survival class that had left him and a group of people for five days alone to survive.

That trip had triggered the not eating behavior.

Bones had hoped that he would never see Jim fall back into this behavior.

“Jim. Have you eaten since the play?” Bones asked. He knew that Jim had eaten before they left for the play.

Jim shook his head. He was still looking around the room. This time he was staring at the replicators. After a moment Jim looked back to Bones and sighed. “I’m just making sure everyone has something to eat. Then I’m heading to bed.”

He started to stand, but Bones reached across the table, grabbed his arm, and pulled him down. “You need to eat. That’s an order.”

Jim’s face broke into a smirk at that. “Is that a medical order, Bones?”

Bones could see right through that smirk. Jim was hiding the fact he hadn’t eaten nor did he plan to. “Yes. It is. Now eat.”

“I don’t wanna,” Jim said. “I’m not hungry.”

Bones frowned. “To bad. Go to the replicator and get a burger or something. But I won’t let you leave without eating something!”

Jim sighed and nodded. “Fine, I’ll get something.”

Bones glared at him until he moved. Jim left to get into the line for the replicator. Bones sighed. He hadn’t seen Jim this unwilling to eat in years. If Bones didn’t make him eat now, Jim wouldn’t until he was sure all of his crew had eaten. And they have three crew members whose species only ate once every three Terran days.

That wasn’t healthy or what the crew needed. And damned if Bones could help stop that behavior before it really gets started again.

Bones heard a commotion at a table behind him, and he turned to address the noise.

Kevin Riley was with a few members of the crew, and he was standing at the head of the table apparently unable to sit down. His friends were trying to get him to sit down.

“Is something wrong, Riley?” a dark-skinned Vulcan woman in command gold asked. She had a tray in front of her and Bones could see that it was a salad.

The several other new crew members were also with them. They, for the most part, had salads.

Riley, who also carried a tray of food, was pale and staring at the table and wasn’t moving to sit down.

Goddamnit.

Bones didn’t want confirmation that Riley was on Tarsus, but here it was. Apparently, it was a healthy day for all of Riley’s friends because all of them had a salad or something that was grain based.

No wonder why Riley couldn’t sit down.

Jim had told Bones once when he was drunk that salads looked like what his kids had survived on while on Tarsus. The plants that were edible on tarsus looked a lot like Terran Lettuce with only some little more nutrients to them. They had been rare on Tarsus, but they were also immune to the fungus. While Jim could eat salads, sometimes they remind him too much of Tarsus. He said the same with some whole grain products. The wheat dying in the fields were enough that Jim couldn’t do it.

Across the room, Bones saw Jim realize what was happening and he tried to leave the replicator line. Bones glared at him until Jim stayed.

Bones stood up from his table and walked to Riley’s table. “Mr. Riley. I need to speak with you. If you could come eat with me?” Bones asked in his most ‘I’m the chief medical officer and you will listen to me’ voice.

Riley broke the staring contest he had with the table and looked up at Bones. “Sir?” he asked in a small voice.

“Are you coming Mr. Riley?” Bones asked again. He injected a bit of impatience into his voice. That got Riley to nod.

“Yes, sir,” Riley said, and he moved to follow Bones to his table. The Vulcan woman frowned minutely. Bones was sure the only reason he knew that was because he had spent the last three years or so stationed with Spock.  She moved to follow Bones and Mr. Riley, but Bones turned his glare at her.

She paused. Bones let his eyes flick down to the tray of food in her hand and then back to her. She decidedly still didn’t understand why he was glaring at her, but the Vulcan seemed to realize that for whatever reason her presence wasn’t needed at the moment.

Jim returned by the time Bones brought Riley to the table.

“Jimmy… Sorry.” Riley said upon seeing him. He looked ashamed.

Bones shook his head. “Kid. You have no reason to look like that.”

Jim took a deep breath and nodded. “Kev, I’m having problems too.”

Riley looked up, “Really?” He sat down and placed his tray on the table.

“Yes. Please eat. I don’t think I can until I see you do so.” Jim said. He was holding his utensils, but Bones noticed that he made no move to eat his food.

Riley stared at Jim for a long moment. Then nodded and began to eat. Bones saw the tension leave Jim’s shoulders.

Bones went back to his own meal.

He knew that today was going to be a long day.

And it was only breakfast.

-

_“When’s the last time you ate, Jim boy?” Bones asked. He had been waiting until Jim came back from his last class of the day. Jim had blown in and started to make his usual noise. After letting Jim go on and get comfortable, Bones sprung his trap._

_Jim grinned. After nearly two years of living with this guy, Bones knew when that grin was hiding something. “I was in the mess this morning, you were with me, Bones!” Jim laughed and said, “Forgetting in your old age, ‘I’m-too-old-for-this’ McCoy?”_

_Bones glared at him. “Jim, you didn’t eat at breakfast. You also didn’t eat at dinner or from what I can remember you haven’t eaten in my presence in at least a week.” It had been at least a week since he got back from the advance survival class’s trip. Bones’ glares were effective on everyone else but Jim. Jim could shrug, and Bones’ best glare would roll off like water off a duck’s back._

_“It’s not been a week.” Jim said. “more like I just wasn’t hungry this morning.”_

_Bones didn’t believe him for a moment. He reached down under the pile of laundry that was mostly Jim’s but had one set of his medical whites in it. He pulled out one of the prepacked, fully sealed, single meal a day, a ration that was still called an MRE, that Starfleet gave people who were in the survival classes. They lasted for years and had enough calories to fill a person for the entire day. They were decent for prepacked, non-replicator, food. Bones lifted the MRE to eye height, and he watched Jim’s reaction._

_Jim’s eyes locked on the MRE and he went white. He slowly stepped back and collapsed on his bed._

_Bones had found the MRE this morning after Jim had gone to class. He had discovered four more just by quickly looking around their tiny dorm room. He was sure that he would find more if he looked harder._

_The thing that bothered Bones most is that one of the MREs was a meal that included grits, something that Jim hated, but Bones loved. Which Bones took to mean that Jim was hiding food for Bones as well as himself._

_Bones didn’t know what this was about but he thought it had something to do with the fact Jim had lost weight and Bones hadn’t seen him eat in a week._

_“Jim. What’s going on? Please tell me? If not as a friend then at least as your doctor.” Bones said gently. “please? I’m worried about you kid.” He when and stood next to Jim. Jim was still white. He was looking at his hands._

_Bones knelt down and placed a hand on Jim’s clenched fists. “if you don’t want to or can’t, I understand. But know that I will be watching out for behaviors like this. You haven’t shown signs of an eating disorder or a hoarding disorder before.”_

_Bones would have seen hoarding behavior before this point._

_Bones wondered what triggered the behavior now._

_When Jim pulled his eyes up to look at Bones, it was with a haunted look that Bones hadn’t seen Jim where before. He had seen Jim angry, upset, ready to fuck or fight someone, lost and determined. He had never seen Jim haunted._

_Jim held his gaze for a few moments. Then he sighed and pulled his hands out of Bones’. Jim reached for his book bag and pulled out a padd. He typed into it for a moment and then handed it to Bones._

_“You are going to be my only doctor if you read this,” Jim said as he passed the padd over. “I don’t think I want to do this again.”_

_Bones took the padd and frowned when he read the top an old news article._

**_Starfleet finds colony on Tarsus IV decimated in a famine and genocide!_ **

_The article was horrifying. The writers didn’t go into details, but Bones read that the now dead governor had been faced with an unfortunate ecological disaster and to keep part of his colony alive he killed half of the residents._

_He then read that the half who were chosen to live were all human, good-looking, and smart. Any species other than human was killed. Anyone who would potentially put up a fight was killed. Four thousand people executed instantly._

_“Jimmy…” Bones started, but then Jim flinched at the name, so Bones tried again. “Jim. You were one of the ones chosen to survive?”_

_Jim was shaking his head. That made Bones frown more. “What are you telling me?” Bones asked. “Take your time.”_

_Jim took a deep breath and held it for a moment then he exhaled slowly. He reaped this action twice. “What the article doesn’t say is that there were fifteen survivors of that… that… that… event. All children. I was the oldest. We had run. Not all of us survived. Food was hard to get. I had to make sure that the kids ate. Six of us didn’t make it until Starfleet arrived.”_

_Bones put it together._

_If there were an ecological disaster, then food would be scare. If Jim had kids – OH GOD. Jim had mentioned some of these kids before Bones just never had put much thought into how he met them – to protect then he would have eaten last. Bones knew Jim’s personality well enough that Jim was protective and didn’t believe in an unhappy ending. He didn’t believe in a world where he didn’t try to save everyone._

_“You are hoarding in case the academy runs out of food?” He asked._

_Jim nodded, still looking at his hands. “I know everyone thinks that impossible or even improbable but really that’s what everyone thought...” he took another deep breath. “About Tarsus. And I know how that worked out.”_

_Bones nodded. “Ok. Let’s at least put the MRE’s in one place, so we don’t lose them.” He didn’t make a move to the MRE until Jim reached for it first._

_“You won’t take them away?” Jim asked in the smallest voice Bones had ever seen him use._

_Bones shook his head. “No, I won’t. I don’t want to.”_

_Some of the tension left Jim’s shoulders._

_Bones would get the full story, but for now, he had to just get Jim to eat and then show him where the rest of the MREs were._

_He would find out what caused this behavior later. For now, food._

-

Tom was lead into Jim’s office by his yeoman, Rand. She pulled the chair out for him and then offered him coffee. Tom thanked her. Jim smiled at Rand when she handed him a rather large mug that read ‘Best Captain in the Galaxy.’. Jim had been given that cup by his crew to replace his last one.

He loved that mug.

Tom quirked an eyebrow at the mug. “So, what’s up with that mug?” he didn’t sound disdainful, but he did sound like he was questioning Jim’s sanity.

Jim laughed and waved him off. “a gift from my crew. They know I’m the best captain.”

Tom nodded with a slight smile on his face. “I can believe that. You were always the best leader,” he said softly. Jim knew that he really believed it.

“So, what’s up, Tom? What is this genetically fortified grain you were talking about?” Jim asked bringing the reason for the meeting up.

Tom placed his cup of coffee down. He leaned forward as he began to explain his work. “it’s a version of Quadrotriticale that should be even more hearty and more resistant to plague. But to get people interested in it I have to have results from some labs. At least three independent ones. I’ve got two so far, and I’m hoping that you guys here on the Enterprise would be able to test it.”

Jim nodded. “I would have to get Spock’s opinion on this. He’s my science officer. He would be able to tell me if this would be a feasible thing for us to do.”

Tom sat back in his chair. He turned his head so that his good eye was looking more directly at Jim. “I thought that Spock was your first officer. He’s your science officer?”

Jim smiled. “He’s both. Apparently, Vulcans get bored without enough challenges.”

Laughing, Tom continued, “So I can imagine. I have my data with me if you can call him?”

Jim nodded. “I can do that.” He reached for his communicator. He was about to call Spock when Uhura’s voice came through the speakers, startling both him and Tom.

“Captain. Admiral Chase is calling. Can I put her though?” she asked. Jim looked at tom.

“Do you mind Tom? I really can’t ignore an admiral. No matter how much I want to.” Jim told Tom. He really didn’t want to talk to Chase. She was kind and all but he was in a meeting.

“I don’t mind if you have to. I can wait.” Tom said. He leaned further back into his chair and got comfortable for a wait.

Jim smiled and then turned to his comm. “Patch her thought, Uhura. I can see her now. Let her know that I’m with a civilian though.”

Uhura’s smile was evident in her voice. “Can do, captain.”

A moment later, Admiral Chase appeared on his computer screen. “Captain Kirk.” She greeted.

“Admiral, good day. What can I do for you?” Jim asked. He really didn’t have an idea what she might be calling about, and he hated not having an idea.

When they were in space, it was always about a new mission or about an old one.  But in port, Jim has dealt with too much political bullshit and attempts at crew stealing.

If he had to fight to keep one more captain from attempting to poach Chekov he might have to actually fight someone. After the first time, someone tried to get Chekov for their ship, Chekov came to Jim and told him that he wasn’t going to leave the Enterprise until the five-year mission was complete and after that, it would only be for a first officer’s position.

Uhura had more entities after her skills then Jim could shake a stick at. She didn’t need Jim to tell them to fuck off though. She had fun doing that herself. 

Spock had even more. The NVSA was the top contender, but as far as Jim could tell, every captain of a ship that had more than three science labs had asked for Spock. Spock had seriously turned each and every one down.

Scotty scared too many people, and that stopped people from trying to poach him or Keenser.  Sulu has offers from various places, but apparently, Ben Sulu’s contract with Starfleet made most of the botany labs quite happy. Bones used to have Starfleet medical after him so that he could get posted on Earth. They stopped once he told them that if he was going to be on earth again, he was going to be leaving Starfleet.

Jim hoped that whatever this call was for it was not going to be more crew poaching.

“Captain, I have your shakedown mission. I was told you are with a civilian?” She said.

Jim instantly sat straighter in his seat. He was relieved that they were getting the shakedown mission. It was almost time to get out in the black again.

He was ready for it.

“I am, Ma’am.” Jim turned the computer’s screen to show Tom sitting in front of Jim’s desk. “I’m with Tomas Leighton. He’s been going over some his research with me to see if the Enterprise could use some experiments.”

Chase nodded. “I see. Your shakedown mission is, as always, unclassified. So, Mr. Leighton can stay. You will take the Karidian Players to Starbase 135 and then return, completing full maneuvering Space trials on your way back. It’s a simple mission that will take a little more than a week to complete. It’s a good plan to get your ship and crew broken in.”

Jim knew that the smile on his face froze. He did not want the Karidian players on his ship. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tom’s eyes widen in something that looked like horror. Chase couldn't see Tom from his monitor unless Jim intentionally moved it. 

“The acting trope from the Shakespeare play, Ma’am?” He asked.

“Yes. Kirk. The Karidian actors came to Yorktown as a favor to Starfleet and myself. We are going to give them a ride to their next stop, as we asked them to come here.” Chase said. She seemed to notice that Jim wasn’t happy about their orders. “Something wrong Kirk?” She said in an even tone. Jim could see that she was gearing up for a fight.

He and Chase had gotten along rather well even after Jim chose not to become an Admiral himself.

But she also knew of his maverick ways and his ability to get the mission done in ways that Starfleet never would like or sanction but most of the time ended up being better for all parties involved. She squared up and was ready to fight him to get her order completed.

Admiral Chase wouldn’t give Jim an inch to reject her orders.

In theory, this would be a good shakedown mission. Just take an acting troop to the next starbase then come back to Yorktown to do some final calibrations and then off again to complete the last two or so years of the five-year mission.

But Jim felt that having the Karidian actors on his ship would just end up being a bad idea. Also, his personal reaction was enough to make him fight.

“Ma’am. I’m not sure that would be a good idea for the Flagship of the Fleet to be used as a taxi.” Jim started, but he was interrupted.

“Kirk. I believe I said that this is a shakedown mission.” Chase said fixing him with her glare. It wasn’t nearly as effective as Bones’ glare. “It’s about normal for a ship to be used as a taxi for shakedown missions. Unless you would like to wait six more months until we can find you a better one” She sent him a slightly threating smile. “just because the Enterprise’s first mission was Vulcan doesn’t mean that all first missions on new ships are as exciting. Do you understand, captain?”

Jim just nodded. He had lost, and he knew it. He wasn’t going to make the Enterprise and her crew wait another six months. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Jim!” Tom hissed. “Please-” he started to say but Jim though him a glare that said that he needed to shut up. Tom fells silent.

“Good,” Chase said. “I’ll transmit the details of the mission to you by this afternoon. Have a good day Kirk.”

“Yes. Ma’am.” Jim said, and the transmission was cut. There was a moment where both he and Tom looked at each other.

“Don’t take the Karidian Players,” Tom said. He was looking at Jim with an intensity that Jim wasn’t expecting. “Please don’t take them.”

“I don’t have a choice, Tom,” Jim said, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. He placed a hand over his face and rubbed at his eyes. “If I don’t want to delay the launch by another six months then I have to take them.

“I think he’s Kodos!” Tom said shooting to his feet.

Jim froze staring at Tom. “…What?” he gasped. He had to have misheard.

“I think that Anton Karidian is Kodos,” Tom said.

Anton Karidian was the lead actor, Jim remembered.

“Kodos is dead,” Jim said. “Kodos died on Tarsus! We saw the body, Tom! What do you mean that Karidian is Kodos?” he was aware of the slightly angry tone in his voice. He couldn’t have stopped that because Kodos was dead. Tarsus was over.

Kodos was dead. He was dead. He was dead. Tarsus was just memories and a few eating problems.

He wasn’t going to go back. Tarsus was over.

Jim didn’t think anyone had the right to start it back up. Not even Tom.

Tom sat down again. “I think that’s why we all reacted during the play, Jimmy. I didn’t think Kodos survived Tarsus until I saw that man that night. I thought we were safe. I thought it was over. That actor looked just like Kodos. No one would look that much like a dead man. I would stake my life on Karidian being Kodos.”

Jim continued to stare at Tom. “It’s been nearly nineteen years, Tom. How can you be so sure?”

“He took my eye, Jimmy. I will always remember the one who held the phaser who took my eye.” Tom said. He was defiant.

Jim believed that Tom believed that Karidian was Kodos.

“Don’t let them on the ship, Jim. Please.” Tom asked again.

“Tom. I don’t have a choice.” Jim told him.

Tom took a deep breath and then stood up. “I’m not going to be able to stop Starfleet or you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a data chip. “Here’s my info for the Quadrotriticale. Let your science officer look it over.”

“Tom….” Jim said, also standing. “look, I…”

“Jimmy. I’ll find out more about this Karidian. I’ll prove I’m right. Be careful around him. If I’m right, you are in grave danger.” Tom said. “I’ll see you when you get back. I’ll have proof by then.”

Jim reached out and took Tom’s hand. “I will be careful. But Tom if you are wrong…”

“Then I’ll be wrong. And I’ll go to more therapy. Because if I’m wrong, I’ll clearly need it.” Tom said when he walked out of the door.

Jim felt the hole in the bottom of his stomach that had opened when the admiral gave them their orders get more profound as he watched Tom leave.

-

“You know if you continue to glare at the girl, the world will know that you can be jealous,” Nyota said as they watched the actors board the ship from the observation deck.

Spock frowned minutely at Nyota. He didn’t pretend she didn’t know that he had emotions. She had gotten rather good at reading his micro expressions. Not as good as Jim but a close second.

Spock wasn’t required to greet their guests. So, he stood on the observation deck and looked out of the glass at the dock and ramp that lead to the ship. Lenore Karidian was trying to hang off of the Captain. Again. They were surrounded by the rest of the Karidian players. This also included their stagehands and a few other key players but not the lead actor, Anton Karidian.

But Spock paid them no mind as they loaded their materials into the ship’s hold. All of his attention was on Lenore and Jim.

He did have to admit that they looked beautiful together.  They looked like golden suns. Young and beautiful.

He did not like it.

“I am concerned at her… her determination to engage in a relationship with Jim.” Spock admitted, pulling his gaze from the dock and looking at Nyota. “I was under the impression that Jim did not care for her much.”

She hummed. “That’s good. I mean, Kirk's always making eyes at you so I would hope that he isn’t interested at desperate actress over there.”

“He is not ‘making eyes’ at me, Nyota,” Spock said. He did know what that phrase meant. “I must go and help the captain.”

Jim was unquestionably holding Miss Karidian at a distance. The actress’ father hadn’t arrived, and Spock did not want to watch a repeat of the night of the play.

“I mean he totally is, but I'll let you believe what you want,” Nyota smiled at Spock. “I’ll come with you. Scotty is down there helping out.”

Together they made their way out of the observation deck and to the dock that the ship was against.

Jim’s expression lit up when he saw Spock arrive with Nyota. “Mr. Spock!” He called. Lenore Karidian was still attempting to hang off of Jim. Jim was sidestepping every one of her attempts to get closer. She seemed oblivious to Jim’s dodges.

Spock walked over to his captain, leaving Nyota to the find Mr. Scott on her own. “Yes, sir?” He asked.

“I believed that we may have miscalculated how much gear that the Karidian players have. Can you come with me and we’ll get that fixed?” Jim said. Once he got Spock’s nod, Jim turned to the actress. “Is that alright with you, Miss Karidian?” It was clear from Jim’s tone that Jim was going to leave no matter what Karidian said or did but he was asking out of politeness.

Now, she frowned. “I was hoping that I could advise you –“ Karidian started to say, but Jim cut her off.

“Unfortunately, its standard procedure that a passenger on a Starfleet starship not be troubled with things like cargo.  Don’t worry, Miss. Spock and I will get this fixed. Thank you for your concern.” Jim said.

Lenore frowned again, her unhappy expression was apparent even to him. Spock was sure that Jim did not miss it. She said, “’Why do write like you're running out of time? Write every day like you're running out of time? Every day you fight like you're running out of time?’ you are always so busy, Captain Kirk.”

Jim just smiled at her, “it’s the life of a starship captain, miss. Now if you excuse us.”

As he follows Jim into to the cargo bay and Jim’s shoulders sank in relief as they were hidden from the actress’s view.

“She’s grabbier then an octopus,” Jim said as they moved to storage. “I don’t want to be caught in her grasp.”

Spock resolved to keep them separated as much as possible.

Keeping Jim away from Karidian was easy to do while they were rearranging the storage to fit the troop’s sets and costumes.

It was less easy to do during dinner in the officer’s mess several hours later.

The actress sat herself down on Jim’s left side. Spock was across from Jim at the table. Spock struggled to control his expression. He wanted to frown.

Jim’s right was taken by Mr. Scott. Nyota was on duty for the night as was Dr. McCoy.

Usually, during a formal dinner like this one, the one currently occupied by Lenore Karidian would-be Dr. McCoy’s seat. But the doctor had a patient with a highly contagious stomach flu that he was trying to prevent taking over the ship. (Spock internally shuddered at the idea of another ship-wide illness. The last major one a year ago was the most extended amount of time he had been awake in one sitting since his Khans-wan.) Spock did not mind that the doctor was missing.

He was illogically upset that Lenore Karidian took McCoy’s spot.

She trying to get his captain into a conversation.

“Captain Kirk, you said that we will be leaving in the morning, correct?” Lenore asked Jim. Spock could see her smile and wondered, not for the first time, that maybe smiling would get Jim to return Spock’s regard. He pushed the thought away because even if smiling could do make Jim fall in love with Spock, it apparently wasn’t working for Lenore.

Jim nodded absently. Spock could see that Jim was not thinking about the conversation. “We will be leaving Yorktown at 0230 ship time. So very early in the morning.”

“Why are we leaving so early?” she asked. she was still smiling like that was the key to Jim’s attention. “I won’t be up to see us leave the beautiful Yorktown. For us, ‘the world has turned upside down’ here.”

That caught Jim’s attention more. His eyes came more into focus as he looked at the actress.

Spock remained himself that he was in control of his emotions. Jealousy is unbecoming of a Vulcan and of a Starfleet officer.

“We’re leaving so early in the morning because that will allow the Enterprise time to get up to the correct warp speed while testing each phase of the engines. We don’t want to go to warp six without testing the engines at warp two.” Jim said. Spock always knew that Jim was good at engineering. If he hadn’t gone into command, then Jim would have found a home in the engineering department.

“Are you going to be awake when we leave, then?” Lenore asked. She leaned into Jim’s space. Jim moved back slightly, but there was only so much he could shift.

“Yes. I’m not about to let my new ship leave the dry dock for the first time and not be in control of her.” Jim said. Spock was going to be right there next to him, as they restarted their journey to explore new space. He was going to be right by Jim’s side.

“Her, Captain?” Lenore asked. She placed a hand on Jim’s arm, much like she had done at the afterparty.

Jim moved his arm to pick up a glass of water. “Yes. This ship is definitely a beautiful woman.”

“Are there any other beautiful women in your life?” Lenore’s question was light and teasing, but there was a sharpness in her eyes that Spock could see. “More than just your starship?”

Jim smiled, and Spock found himself once again bewitched by that smile, “Is this your way of asking if I’m single?” he laughed. Spock could have sworn that Jim looked at him for a heartbeat then returned his attention to miss Karidian.   “I’m afraid I’m committed to my ship and crew.”

“Your dedication is something to be commended. But ‘you strike me as a person who has never been satisfied,’” The actress said. “Surely someone holds your heart?”

Jim flushed slightly, and Spock did not imagine nor mistake the quick glance that Jim threw his way. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean about being satisfied. I am very satisfied on the Enterprise and with her crew. I won’t say that someone doesn’t hold my heart, but I’m dedicated to my ship.”

“How sweet captain!” Karidian said. “I hope you have the chance to spend time with your beloved on this beautiful ship of yours this week. 'You have made me quite helpless.'”

Spock could gather from the most unsubtle comment that she believed that Jim was talking about her.

Spock knew better.

Their conversation faded as the food was served. Spock paid attention to Jim’s eating habits. Dr. McCoy had mentioned that something had happened after the play.

Jim was served first, but he did not touch his food until everyone else had been served. Once he had made sure that everyone had a meal and started to eat, he then looked up at Spock. Spock was the only one how had not begun to eat.

Their eyes connected. There was faint concerned humming in Spook’s Katra, and Spock knew, just knew, that Jim would not eat until Spock had done so.

That Jim needed to see everyone eat before he ate himself.

Spock picked up his spoon and started to eat the very good Andoridan and Terran fusion vegetable stew that was the vegetation option for dinner.

That faint humming in his Katra changed from a concerned feeling to a warm and happy one.

Jim smiled at him, and everything felt like it was good. Spock tilted his head to the side, and Jim nodded.

Everything was good for now.

As the dinner continued, Spock was drawn into a conversation with one of the actors about Shakespeare and translations into standard compared to the original English. That conversation went on for quite some time.

As dinner was ending, Spock heard him ask Karidian, “I haven’t seen your father? I hope that he didn’t feel unwelcome in our ship.”

Something in Jim’s tone made Spock focused on that conversation. That was Jim’s flirting only to get information tone.

Only the bridge crew had figured that tone out yet. It has gotten the crew out of several tight situations during diplomatic missions before. It’s also gotten them _into_ a dangerous situation a time or two.

“My father prefers isolation when traveling between events. It allows him to focus more on the characters.” Karidian said. Her expression changed to one of pride and happiness while talking about her father. 

Jim smiled, and Spock was now on edge. That was more of Jim’s flirting only to get information technique. “How admirable, that’s true dedication to his craft. Where did you say you’re from again?”

Karidian smiled brightly, “I was born in space, much like you Captain. But my father is from earth, but as a traveling actor, he’s spent a lot of time off world. As a struggling actor, he worked many jobs and endured many trials for his years. ‘There would have been nothing' left to do for someone less astute. He would've been dead or destitute without a cent of restitution’. I do not begrudge him his time to himself.

-

Two days in space and Jim finally felt like he was back in the right place. Jim always knew that he belonged in space. There was no question that Jim Kirk did not belong planetside. He belonged on the Enterprise and in space.

Not accepting that admiral position was the best choice he’s made in a while.

Just being in his chair on the bridge helped center him. Jim was glad he found his way.

Now that he was back doing what he was meant to do, Jim could relax.

He could also hide on the bridge and avoid Lenore Karidian. She was determined to get him alone, and her attempts at flirting were getting annoying. Jim wasn’t interested in an actress who only really wanted him for his name.

Lenore might have been attractive to the kid he was before Starfleet. Jim wasn’t interested in someone with that lifestyle. Unless Spock decided that he really wanted to become an actor, Jim wasn’t going to be involved in anyone from the theater world.

Jim had to smile to himself at the thought of his Spock becoming an actor. He would justify it as controlling and expressing emotions through new means. As it was Jim didn’t see that ever happening. Lenore was putting enough of a performance for everyone. She was always throwing herself at him.

And Jim couldn’t just tell her to leave him alone. That wasn’t something a captain could do with an admiral’s guest.

Lenore had come up to the bridge once before. Jim had to explain that the bridge was off limits to guests. He didn’t mention that she would have to be invited to be allowed. She would have taken such a statement as an invitation.

None of the other actors or stagehands had tried to come up to the bridge. Jim was happy about that. They had been given an almost free run of the ship, as was standard Starfleet procedures with guests. The only places that were entirely off-limits were the bridge, the engineering spaces, and several of the most unstable of the science labs. The acting troop was staying out of his crew’s way, and Jim was grateful.

Jim looked around at his crew, from his position in the captain’s chair. They were all doing their jobs and doing them wonderfully.

Chekov and Sulu were talking in a low voice about Chekov’s break up with his latest girlfriend. The boy could not keep a steady partner. Jim wondered if it had anything to do with Chekov’s massive crush on Bones that only Bones hadn’t seen. Jim and the rest of the bridge crew ignored the occasional longing stare that Chekov threw Bones’ way. If Chekov doesn’t want to do anything about it and Bones hasn’t noticed then it's not their place to say anything.

Uhura was working on what looked like a transmission between Romulus and Seiiiki, a planet on the Romulan side of the neutral zone. Jim didn’t think that was a Starfleet assignment. It may have been Uhura’s side project for when she runs out of work to do while monitoring subspace frequencies.

Kevin was at the engineering station instead of Scotty. Scotty was in the engines room and wasn’t planning to leave for at least another two hours.

Bones was on the bridge talking to Kevin at the engineering station. “Listen, kid. I just need you to come down after shift and finish the physical. It’s not that hard to understand.”

“But Doctor!” Kevin started to protest, but Bones interrupted him.

“Oh god! You’re one of the alpha shift people, now! Always refusing to go to med bay for basic shit!” Bones said exasperatedly. “What is with you people!”

“Now Dr. McCoy,” Spock said from his station, “I find that most of the crew does not want to deal with your beads and rattles so to say that the Alpha shift is the ones who avoid you most is illogical.”

Jim started to smile. He was already looking forward to Bones’ retaliation. Jim had no doubt that Bones and Spock liked and respected each other, it was a long time in coming. He knew that both Bones and Spock enjoyed their verbal spars.

But before Bones could respond, Uhura called out, “Captain? I’m getting a message for you from Yorktown.” Her tone was concerned.

Jim looked over at her. She was frowning. What was in the message? “Well put it on the screen.” What did Yorktown want now? They had sent the right updates and comms over the last two days. Jim couldn’t think of anything that the Starbase could wish to know.

Uhura shook her head. Her look growing bleaker. “Sir, you’ll want to receive this in privet. It’s from Martha Leighton.”

Jim couldn’t think of any reason Martha Leighton would be calling him. They had spoken before but not to the point that she would call. Unless…

Unless something had happened to Tom.

“Send it to my office, lieutenant,” Jim said as he jumped to his feet. “Mr. Chekov, you have the conn.”

“Aye, sir!” Chekov said.

Spock wordless stood from his station and followed Jim into the turbo lift. He understood that if Jim didn’t give him the conn when Jim left the bridge it because Jim wanted him to be with him.

Bones stayed on the bridge. Bones stayed with Kevin and the rest of the bridge crew.

Bones understood too.

Once in the turbo lift with the door shut, Spock turned to Jim and placed one hand on Jim’s wrist. A thrum of calm sliced though Jim’s panic. Jim didn’t even realize that he was feeling panic until Spock pushed calm to him.

There was also a feeling that went straight to Jim’s soul.

He liked that feeling. He also grabbed that feeling and held onto it with all of his might.

After a beat, Spock let go, sensing Jim’s return to a calm state.

They exited the turbolift at the deck with the officer’s quarters. Jim’s office was actually the front half of his room. He had hoped that there was going to be a ready room off the bridge on this Enterprise, but the Jim found no such luck.

He sat at his desk, looked at his screen and saw Martha Leighton waiting for him. And the expression her face was enough to tell him that he did not like what she was about to say. She was pale and drawn. She had been crying.

“Jimmy,” She started, then she paused like she couldn’t go on. She took several deep breaths.

“Martha? What is wrong with Tom?” Jim asked. Because they both knew that she wouldn’t be calling if something wasn’t wrong with Tom.

She started to cry. It was quiet, and her shoulders shook.

Jim’s stomach bottomed out. “Martha?”

Martha took a deep shuttering breath, “Tom is dead. He was found this morning in one of the pools. Yorktown thinks it suicide.”

Jim just stared at the screen.

“Tom’s dead?” he said. He felt Spock place a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and looked up at Spock. He had forgotten that Spock had stood behind him. Jim leaned into the touch. The calm he got from the contact was clearly both his own mind taking reassurances from a friend and his love as well as Spock pushing calm and reassurances to him.

Martha nodded. She was still crying. Jim could feel a few tears fall down his face, but he did not break down.

“And they think its suicide?” Jim asked. He was forcing himself to be the captain. He can deal with his emotions later.

Taking a deep gasping breath, Martha said, “yes. Yorktown thinks a suicide. That he jumped. That he chose to drown. That after everything that happened to him… after finding out that the others had died… it was too much.”

Jim was silent for a moment. “… what others? Martha, what others?!” Spock’s hand tightened on his shoulder.

“Tom found out yesterday. That the only ones of the Nine were still alive were him, you and Kevin. The rest had died in the last few years. Yorktown thinks that broke him.” Something in her tone was off when she said that ‘Yorktown thinks, ’ but Jim didn’t concentrate on that now.

“The rest are gone?” Jim let the tears fall in a steadier stream. The Tarsus nine were now down to two. Oh god. How was he going to tell Kevin about this?

Martha nodded. “Yes. Their deaths were also ruled suicides ….” She trailed off then took a deep breath, “Jim I don’t believe that Tom killed himself. He would never do that to me or you especially after finding out the others had died.”

“… You don’t think that the others committed suicides either?” Jim asked.

Martha shook her head. “I really don’t. Not after the way Tom was talking about that actor you have on your ship. Not after finding out that others died shortly after the Karidian players visited their planet or system.”

Behind Jim, Spock froze. Then he slowly leaned in close to Jim and placed his other hand on Jim’s hand laying on the desk. It was a protective gesture as well as a comforting one.

“Jimmy. Please be careful. I think Tom was killed for being one of the nine. He was looking more into to Karidian’s career. He told me before…. Before… he left last night….” She said, trailing off. “He told me that he who he thought Karidian was. Please, please, please be careful. I don’t think Tom wants to see you so soon.”

Jim felt Spock tighten his grip. “I will be careful, Martha. Let me know when the funeral is. We’ll be back to Yorktown soon.”

“I will, Jimmy.” She said and then she closed the comm link.

Jim sat in his chair for a moment.

“Jim,” Spock said.  Jim looked up to him.

And the tears started to fall. “Kevin and I are the only ones left,” Jim said. He knew his tone was quiet. He didn’t care. He also knew that Spock didn’t know what Jim was talking about. He didn’t care either.

Spock knelt down and wrapped his arms around Jim, pulling him into a sincere hug.

-

_Jimmy hadn’t eaten in about two days._

_His kids had eaten last night. They had finished the last of the food they had._

_It had been four months since he had seen his cousin Meredith, Hiroshi and the others killed._

_He was due for another run into town to get food. He could go to his teacher, but Jim had gone to him last week. So maybe… the baker. The bread will be stale, but the baker lost her son when Kodos killed everyone. She’s angry enough to kill Kodos herself if she ever sees him. She would give him bread solely to make sure that Kodos will have a downfall._

_He and his kids- oh god just nine of them all together now- were the only ones who heard Kodos read the order to kill four thousand people._

_“Jimmy,” Tom said. He had recovered somehow from his phaser wound. It was growing to be infected. Tom won’t keep the eye. They both knew it. It would become a problem if something didn’t happen soon. “Are you going to make a run today?”_

_Jimmy nodded. “I am,” his voice cracked while he was speaking. Jim wished that the cracking had something to do with puberty. Like normal fifteen-year-old had to deal with. But it was doing the fact he hadn’t had any water in two days either._

_“Take Linenette. She hasn’t been doing well since Sara died.” Tom told him. Linenette was Bajoran and had taken to the human Sara when they came to the planet. Sara died of an illness they hadn’t had a cure for a week ago. They had given her a few of the antibiotics they had stolen for Tom, but the medicine had done nothing. It wasn’t a bacterial infection. It had been viral. Or it might have been the hunger._

_Kenneth died of the same illness a month ago. That’s where Jim thinks Sara picked it up._

_“I will, Tom. Keep Minnie, and Dennis on guard. Then switch them with Lacy and Will.” Jimmy said. “We’ll be leaving in an hour. We’ll make a run to the Baker's. Then we’ll see if we can’t get some information.”_

_“Ok, Jimmy. Be safe out there.” Tom said._

_When Jimmy and Linenette made it to the town center nearly two hours later, all they saw was a riot starting._

_Jimmy made contact with his former teacher. The man had been giving Jim and his kids food or information for the last two months. They had already gone to the baker and had three bags of food. Jim didn’t ask him for food. While his teacher had been willing to give them food, Jim could see the relief that he wasn’t requesting any today._

_Linenette stood guard by a window. She was watching the riot form. They were protesting the disbursement in food. Even the people who were benefiting from the most recent change were participating._

_“Jimmy. The rest of the colonists are fighting back. It’s hard to see, but it’s true.” His teacher said. “This riot won’t do much, but we have some small hope. One of the techs broke into Saito’s house. They stole an interplanetary communicator. They’re broadcasting pleas for help.”_

_Jimmy nodded. It wasn’t much. But Kodos had confiscated all communications shortly after the massacre. Hiroshi was probably the only one who knew how to make them and use them other than the techs._

_Small hope is better than no hope._

_Jim still lies to Kevin almost every night, in the hopes that he will be wrong._

_That everything would be alright._

-

Spock held Jim after Jim cut the call with Martha Leighton. Spock had tightened his grip from the protective embrace he had around Jim. Jim leaned into Spock. He took several deep shuttering breaths.

He wasn’t crying, but he was shaking. Spock just kept his arms around Jim as Jim processed what he had just been told.

Jim’s feelings of grief and sorrow washed over him. Spock had felt many of the same feelings when he had lost his mother. Knowing Jim as well as he did, Spock said nothing. Words weren’t what Jim wanted or needed.

They sat in silence for several moments. Jim still at his desk. Spock had sunk to his knees to hold Jim.

“I can’t believe they are gone…” Jim said in a quiet voice. It was as if the words had drifted out of him. Like he hadn’t even known he was speaking. “we survived everything together. We were going to grow old and survive. I can’t believe they are gone.”

“I grieve with thee, Jim,” Spock said softly. His culture did not give him many words to console a person, let alone a friend but Spock offered the translated Vulcan phrase in hopes it would mean something.

While he knew the human convention was to say, ‘I’m sorry’ as a form of expressing sympathy, Spock had found that the phrase was often not enough. When he had lost his mother, Spock had heard the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ a lot from humans. He didn’t believe that the phrase had helped any. It had felt meaningless by the third person who said it.

“Thank you,” Jim said sincerely. He seemed to take comfort in Spock’s words. Jim leaned into Spock’s arms for a moment longer, and something like wistfulness played across Spock’s shields before Jim pulled away, pushing himself out of the chair.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell Kevin,” Jim said, starting to pace the length of his office.

Spock watched him walk. Spock knew that Tom Leighton, Jim, and Mr. Riley had known each other, but now Jim had the responsibly to tell Mr. Riley of the death of Mr. Leighton and six others whom they had known while they were younger, probably children…

Spock did not know what the connection between Thomas Leighton, Kevin Riley, and Jim was nor the link to the six other people who recently died but he was going to figure it out. Jim needed to be protected.

Protected from one of the actors of the Karidian players.

“I am unsure as well, Jim. Do you wish me to be there when you tell him?” Spock asked. He knew enough of human social conversions to make the offer. Sometimes it was better to tell someone terrible news with a friend to comfort them.

Sometimes it was not.

Jim stopped pacing and shook his head. “I need to do this alone. Kev needs to hear it from me.”

Spock nodded. He would make sure that Riley wouldn’t be left alone after that conversation. There was a part of Spock, deep inside that knew that Jim was hurting and slightly scared. Like something was haunting him.

Spock didn’t know what that feeling meant. He attributed the knowledge to a lapse in his shields while he was holding Jim. He would have to strengthen his mental shields when he meditated after shift.

“We need to go back to the bridge and get Kevin,” Jim said. “Spock. I want you to take the conn for the rest of the shift. I think that Kevin and I will need some time to process this. If you could tell Bones to see me tonight to see if I need more time?”

Spock knew that Jim was just repeating standard procedures of what happens when an officer receives emotionally compromising news in the middle of a non-critical mission. Spock also knew that Bones would not end up giving more time to Jim. Jim would insist that he will need to go back to work.

Spock stood up fully and agreed, “I will tell him. What of the Karidian Players?” he asked. It might be just a coincidence that the Players were always there when someone died, but Spock didn’t think so. Not with the evidence that was before him.

Jim’s panic at the play, Mr. Leighton’s death, Mr. Riley’s alarm, the deaths from other planets.

The speculation was enough that Spock was going to do research.

Because Jim would be protected.

“Allow them as free range as before,” Jim said, heading for the door. “We don’t have anything other than hearsay. We just need to get to the starbase and drop them off. Let’s make this quick.”

Spock nodded and followed Jim. Before they reached the door and before he could stop himself, Spock reached out with two fingers and pressed them along Jim’s hand. He didn’t push calm at Jim he just pressed a kiss to Jim’s hand.

Spock didn’t know why he had done it, but now that he was touching Jim he found he couldn’t stop.

Jim paused, looking down at his hand and Spock’s fingers then he looked back up to Spock’s face. He smiled lightly and then he was mimicking Spock’s hand, and he pressed two fingers to Spock’s. There was a calm, happy pleasure that came from the contact. Jim’s emotions were still filled with sadness and grief, but the pleasure that Spock felt also was felt by Jim.

Spock was confident of that.

Jim did not blush or do anything oblivions as that, as his face was already slightly red from crying but somehow Spock knew that Jim was happy at the contact.

“Thank you, Spock,” Jim said. “For being here. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Spock wanted to tell Jim that he was pretty sure that he was in love with him but he refrained. A voice that sounded like Nyota’s said it wasn’t the right time for that. But he could tell Jim this.

“You will never find out.” He said solemnly.

It was a vow. It was a promise.

Spock was going to protect Jim. He was going to protect his love.

He was going to do everything in his power to keep Jim, his love, his captain, his other half (as humans say it) from harm.

To do that he would need to do research. Find the connection and help protect Jim from it. Spock had to acknowledge that whatever the link was, it was from Jim’s past. He could not defend Jim from his own history, but Spock would do his best to prevent the past from hurting Jim again.

“I think you are the only one other than Bones I’ll believe that from,” Jim said quietly after a moment. Then he pulled his hand away and continued to the door.

Spock followed Jim out of his room and to the bridge because that’s how they worked. Spock belongs at Jim’s side.

As they stepped onto the turbolift, Spock saw Lenore wandering the halls of the officer’s quarters. She was with several other people from the Players. They were apparently exploring the Enterprise. This was a common activity for guests.

Lenore’s face light up when she saw Jim, and she started forward to them. Jim stiffened next to Spock, tension flooding his shoulders. It was clear that Jim did not want to deal with her.

Spock reached out and barely brushed his hand against Jim’s.

This seemed to be a thing that Spock was going to be unable to stop himself from doing.

Jim jumped lightly, turned and smiled at Spock, completely ignoring Lenore Karidian.

The turbolift doors slid shut.

But Spock looked up as they did.

Lenore Karidian did not look disappointed.

She looked angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 2! I hope you all enjoy! also, it took me like a full day to realize that this story wasn't dated the day I posted it. it was dated by the day I created the draft. so Lesson learned there! 
> 
> anyway! follow me on Tumblr at asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon! :D


	3. Helpless

“Riley?” 

A smooth voice from the doorway made Kevin jump. He had thought he was alone on the observation deck, but apparently, he was wrong.

“Riley?” the voice asked again. Kevin looked up. T’Renna. He hid his face in his arms again. He knew he looked like a mess. His eyes were red, and he knew that he had tear tracks down his face. It had taken a better part of an hour to get Jim to leave after Jim had told him of Tom’s fate.

And the fate of the others.

Kevin wiped at his face. If T’Renna were asked, then she would not lie about the state she found him in. Tears weren’t a weakness, but he didn’t want to be discovered with them. They were personal. 

“Hello, T’Renna.” He said quietly.

“Are you injured?” She asked coming closer to him. He was sitting on the floor of the observation room, looking out at the stars.

Kevin shook his head. “I’m not. Just got some really upsetting news.”

“Ah.” She said. T’Renna came up and sat next to him. The dark of the observation deck made her already dark skin look darker, it also made the gold of her uniform stand out even more.  “I am told that sometimes humans wish to ‘talk it out.' Do you wish to ‘talk it out’?”

Kevin felt the corners of his mouth move slightly. T’Renna didn’t make jokes like Jim insisted that Spock did. But she did know when to use human conventions to lighten a serious mood. He had always liked that about her. It was had drawn his attention to her from the start.

“I don’t. I really, really don’t.”

They sit in silence for a while. Kevin just watched the stars. How was Tarsus still an event that hurts? They left Tarsus almost twenty years ago!

Kevin had just been a child. Only three. He would always remember the terror he had felt, even in actual memories had faded with time. He lost his parents, and he was supposed to survive. That was a bit of information they found out after Starfleet had rescued them.

He, Kevin Riley, the youngest of the group, was the only one of the nine who hadn’t been on the kill list.

Kevin watched the stars. Years of hoping that he would get out to them again and here he was. In a ship, grieving the loss of several friends. At least this time he wasn’t in fear for his life. It’s hard to get killed by a genocidal governor when you were on a starship traveling at warp.

T’Renna spoke again. “Mr. Spock has given quiet orders that you are not to be left alone.”

“He has, has he?” Kevin sighed. T’Renna would follow any orders given to her by Mr. Spock. Her massive crush on him obvious. Kevin normally would find some humor in the situation; his crush was spending time with him while he was emotional because her crush wanted her to but right now too much hurt for him to care. “Guess, Jim didn’t believe me when I said I was fine. Probably told Spock to get someone to keep an eye on me.”

“I am unsure who the order came from,” T’Renna said. She was still blank, but they had known each other long enough that Kevin understood that T’Renna cared for him at least as a friend. “I would have gone looking for you without a command to. You have missed dinner. That is unlike you.”

Kevin leaned his head against the wall behind him. Hearing that T'Renna wanted to find him even without the orders was a relief. It also eased some of Kevin’s hurt. He really did like T’Renna.

He remembered her from their first year at the academy. It was just a year after the destruction of Vulcan. T’Renna was one of many young Vulcans who didn’t find what they wanted in the proposed Vulcan colony. After the loss of Vulcan, Mr. Spock quickly became a hero to many young Vulcans, and they followed him into Starfleet in large numbers.

When they had been assigned to the same duty section, he had asked her why Starfleet. Figuring it was something to do with Spock.

He wasn’t wrong. T’Renna had a massive Vulcan crush on Spock, but she also told him that attending the New Vulcan Science Academy would not allow her to learn how to fly. So she Joined the command track at the Academy so she could fly. 

That fit her. She was a reliable (if uninventive) leader, and she was a damned good pilot. She was also very understanding of grief.

It’s part of the reason he had a massive crush on her.

“it’s just that I can’t believe they are gone!” Kevin said suddenly, it burst out of him like a dam gave way.

T’Renna merely tilted her head in a gesture for him to continue.

So, Kevin did. “We were supposed to grow old. After surviving...,” Kevin paused remembering that his involvement in Tarsus was actually classified and even if he wanted to he legally couldn’t. “After surviving everything that we did, I didn’t imagine they would die before me so soon.”

T’Renna said nothing. But she did lean her weight on him a little. Her shoulder pressed lightly into his helped him to relax and continue talking.

“I don’t know what to do right now. Jim’s was clearly upset but he has the Enterprise to think about that is enough to distract him. And I don’t have that level of distraction, and I don’t think I want to!” Kevin said. “I just want them back.”

“But you can’t have them back,” T’Renna said, turning her head to watch him. “We can never have them back.” Her words, while blunt, weren’t meant to be cruel. She understood the type of loss that he was dealing with.

Kevin stood up and began to pace, trying to sort his head out. “I know that but it may be dumb, but that’s what I want.”

T’Renna nodded. “Yes, as illogical as that feeling can be it is something I understand. I wanted them back to. I believe there is a quote from a terran poet and musician that would be applicable: ‘there are moments that the words don’t reach. There is suffering to terrible to name. You hold your child as tight as you can then push away the unimaginable. The moments that you are in so deep, feels easier to just swim down.’”

Kevin stopped pacing. 

T’Renna understood.

Of course, she would.

“Thanks, T’Renna,” Kevin said, and he meant it. He sat back down. Kevin leaned back into her shoulder. He thought for a moment of the calm that She had given him at the play. Kevin was grateful she didn't repeat the action. 

He hurt, yes but he needed to feel it. Kevin guessed that T'Renna understood that too. "You don't mind touching me right now?" he asked, knowing she was a touch telepath. 

T'Renna considered him. "I do not mind. Humans often need physical contact while they grieve. I have found that I am not adverse to helping. Your emotions are strong, but my shields are stronger." 

Kevin nodded and looked out to the stars.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke again. “They’ve taken me off the bridge duty so you won’t see me for a while. Mr. Scott will be up there.”

T’Renna raised an eyebrow. “That is… disappointing.”

Kevin laughed. It was small but a real laugh. If T’Renna was willing to help then, Kevin suspected that he might come out fine. “You’ll still see me at chow! As you said, I don’t miss meals. Will you come with me to eat?”

“Of course.”

-

_When he was asked later, by his grandmother, by Starfleet, by psychiatrists, by doctors, what he would remember most about Tarsus, it was the day of the genocide._

_The next thing would be his hunger._

_Then and only then would he say anything about the day Starfleet came and saved them._

_Kevin was a child. He knew the world was bigger than he understood it to be. He was so small. Jimmy was good at protecting them. He was good at getting them food._

_Kevin loved him._

_They awoke, hidden in their cave that was high enough to be missed by patrols, by explosions in town._

_Jimmy raced to the cave entrance. “Shit! There’s fire in the town!”_

_Kevin rushed up between the legs of the older kids. Smoke was rising from the town, black, and curling. There was fire. The wind changed and with it brought the sound of phasers being shot and shouting._

_“I’m going down,” Jimmy said. He looked around and got a head count. “Tom, Linenette. You two are in charge. If I don’t come back move caves. I don’t care where you go, just move and try to survive.”_

_Tom looked upset, but he nodded. He was weak from the infection. Linenette hadn’t said a word in three weeks. Her desire to talk fading with every day since her best friend died. She nodded as well. Something about Jimmy made the kids feel like they could follow him everywhere._

_“Jimmy?” he asked. Jimmy looked down at him. “Please come back?” he asked._

_Jimmy frowned and nodded. “I’ll do my best, Kev. I’ll do my best.”_

_And then Jimmy was gone._

_Tom and Kevin waited at the entrance to the cave all day._

_They were far enough back that no one from the ground would see them, but they could see almost everything._

_And that’s what Kevin remembers the most from the day that Starfleet came to save them._

_The waiting for Jimmy to come back._

_They sat for hours._

_When Jimmy did come back, he was running, and he was being followed by a blond woman in a red shirt and black pants and several others._

_Tom gasped. “That’s Starfleet uniforms. THAT’S STARFLEET. Jimmy brought Starfleet. We’re going to be ok!” His yell into the cave was enough to bring the seven others to the entrance._

_Jimmy got to the cliff face first. He started to climb up._

_Kevin could hear the blond woman calling up to Jim. “Your kids are up there?”_

_Jimmy called back. “Yes, mom! Tom! Linenette! Get the kids ready!”_

_Tom looked over the edge of the cliff face, “Got it, Jimmy!” Tom then turned and began to order the other kids to get everything ready. Jimmy appeared on the entrance of the cave and picked Kevin up._

_“They are here, Kev! They really are here!” Jimmy spun Kevin around, and Kevin giggled._

_“We’re ok, Jimmy! You were right! We're alright,” Kevin said._

_"'And the world turned upside down,'" Jimmy breathed and then hugged Kevin to his chest._

-

Jim hadn’t even been off shift for more than an hour before Lenore Karidian was requesting entry to his office.

Jim knew that while he was officially ‘off shift for personal reasons’ and therefore not required to do paperwork, he found that he still needed to have the distraction. If he let himself be lost in the minute of being a captain, then he will feel better.

He couldn’t think of a reason not to let Lenore in. Not if he didn’t want to insult the Admiral's guest.

“Come!” he said bracing himself for her flirtations. He didn’t think he could even deflect politely right now.

Lenore entered the office in a gold dress that looked like his command gold shirt. Jim thought it was beautiful on her, but he didn’t care.

“Captain,” Lenore said as she came into the room and sat down in the guest chair across from the desk. “I hope I haven't found you at a bad time, but I do have an idea that I think would go excellently with your crew.”

Jim internally sighed. Almost every guest that the Enterprise has ever hosted has had an idea that would ‘improve the crew.' Most of the 'ideas' sucked. He had managed to not implement any of them. Which was a good thing. 

“Well, Miss Karidian, I would love to hear it,” Jim said. It was his job to listen to the ideas and humor the guests. No matter how dumb the ideas were.

Lenore smiled and once again Jim was struck with how much he had changed in the last few years because Lenore Karidan was his twenty-five-year-old self's type. He would have chased her in a heartbeat. Now, all he felt was a sense of appreciation of her beauty and her skill at her chosen craft.

Before he had met Spock, he would have cared more that he didn’t care at all about this woman. Now that he and Spock were leading up to something that left Jim breathless and hoping, he found that he didn’t care at all.

Jim desperately hoped he was right about him and Spock. He would be crushed for getting his hopes up.

“I am hoping that you will allow the Karidian players perform a play for your crew. You told me it has been over a year since you have seen a play and that was one for diplomacy! Your crew would surely enjoy a night of classical entertainment!” Lenore said, fluttering her hands around, obviously excited. 

Now, Jim had a dilemma. 

On the one hand, Jim knew his crew, and they would love the chance to watch a play. That’s why he had taken a selection of them to the Players in the first place.

The crew would welcome the play. It would be an excellent way for them to relax and have some fun before the real start of the rest of the mission.

On the other hand, was his own reaction.

He couldn’t prevent the crew from enjoying their time just for himself. The crew’s morale was more valuable than his own.

“That sounds like an excellent idea, Miss Karidian,” Jim said, after a moment. “I’m sure that my crew will enjoy seeing a play live. I’ll relay your wish to out morale officer, and they’ll get you set up.”

“Please call me Lenore, Captain! I thank you. I am sure that your crew will be delighted with our performance.” Lenore said. She stood up and moved to the door. “But I believe you will enjoy it most of all. ‘Look around, look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now.'”

Jim fought a flinch at the reference of the old song his mother used to play. He sang it a lot to the kids while on Tarsus. Jim stood too and escorted her out of the office. “I’m sure that they will, Miss Karidian.” He put a slight emphasis on her name. “May I ask for one favor in return?” he asked as they walked.

Lenore tilted her head to the side coyly. “What is captain?”

Jim smiled, it was a smile that Jim knew for a fact that his crew called the ‘flirting with a purpose’ smile. “I was hoping to meet your father soon. I grow concerned that he doesn’t like the ship.”

Lenore laughed, low and sweet. “It’s not that he doesn’t like the ship Capitan! My father just prefers privacy.”

Jim didn’t believe her for a moment. “I see. Well, Miss Karidian, I’ll pass your idea to the right people. My morale officer will contact you with more details. Thank you for the idea.”

“It’s my pleasure captain,” Lenore said, and she placed a hand on his chest. Jim stepped back and let her hand fall. Jim ignored her fleeting expression of disappointment

He then allowed the door shut with Lenore on the outside in the hallway.

Jim leaned against the door only for a moment before he went back to his computer.

“Computer. Look up Federation files on Anton Karidian.”

The results were sent to his padd. They were what Jim expected. All federation records started with the most recent events first and then went back from there to the earliest known record, most of the time a birth certificate, with a few standard bullet points at the very top.

Karidian’s picture was the same old man that Jim saw on the night of the play. The man’s face still gave him the creeps.

Karidian’s age was the same Kodos would have been. As Jim read through the records, he didn’t discover anything significant until he got to the end.

“Shit.” Jim breathed. The records start with the birth of Karidian’s daughter, Lenore. There was nothing before her birth.

She was just nineteen.

Jim shuddered. He was in his thirties damn it. He wasn’t interested in a teenager.

No further records exist for Karidian. According to the Federation, the man hadn’t existed before the year 2246.

He came into existence a few months before the Tarsus IV massacre on a space station where his daughter was born. 

“Computer, look up Kodos,” Jim ordered. The computer took a few moments and then asked for his clearance. Jim gave his captain’s code and quickly read through the files. The picture of a middle-aged man-made Jim freeze for a heartbeat.

Kodos didn’t look like a man who could kill four thousand people.

But he did.

Kodos, Governor of the Federation Colony Tarsus, died when Jim was just fifteen. He died in 2246. He had a wife that had disappeared just as the crop failed. Jim remembers the wife. She had been pregnant when she vanished.

Starfleet, in the aftermath, has assumed that the wife had protested against the planned massacre and Kodos killed her for it. They had several witnesses seeing the pair argue before the woman had disappeared.  Jim remembered the woman to be strong-minded, so he had believed it too. Starfleet had made her be Kodos' first victim. 

But what if she got out? What if she left and took Kodos' daughter with her? Starfleet had never found her body. It was possible. 

Jim pulled up the birth record of Lenore Karidian. Born on a cooperation space station, the midwife who had filled out the record made a note that birth was difficult and the mother was frail and didn’t recover from the birth. The midwife also noted that the mother said that the father was working off planet. The midwife had cared for the child for several months after the woman had died and before the father had shown up. He had been distraught to learn of the death of his wife. But he took the girl.

The date that the father showed up was just over a week after Kodos had been killed.

Jim looked up the space station. It was a week’s travel from Tarsus four in a slow craft.

He pulled up the pictures of the two men. They were close. Age could have been the only thing separating the two men.

“Shit.” Jim breathed again.

He started to think Tom was right.

Kodos was still alive.

“Computer bring up the Karidian players past engagements and cross-reference them with the known locations of the Tarsus Nine.”

Jim’s eyes widened as the results filled the screen.

Martha was right. Tom had found something.

Then he saw a note on Linette’s record. Linette was the last one to die before Tom. She was found by her husband, one of the Tarsus investigators, a man who had been a new ensign at the time when Starfleet found them. Then shortly after the players left _he_ committed suicide too.

Jim wondered if some of the investigators were also in danger.

Jim hoped not, but he pulled up his most recent message from his mother. He checked the time and location stamps and saw that she was on the other side of the quadrant from the players and had been for years.

Good.

But Jim now had to prove to himself that Karidian wasn’t Kodos. And if he was…

Well, Jim didn’t know what he would do.         

-

As Spock walked through the ship, heading down to deck seven, he forced himself to acknowledge that he was unhappy.

Spock had not been happy to find out that Lenore Karidian had gone to the captain to get authorization for a performance. She had gone over the chain of command. 

The Moral Officer should have been the one that Karidian went to. Not the Captain, while he was marked as 'off shift.' The Morale officer was not particularly happy to put together a play in less than twenty-four ship hours. Last Spock had heard, they were cursing rather creatively in their native tongue. It would be enough to even make Nyota raise an eyebrow.

Spock was especially not happy about the play after the research he had done during the last day. Spock had heard enough from the conversation between Mrs. Leighton and Jim to realized that something wasn’t being said.

He just hadn’t thought it was something like Tarsus IV. Expect now that he thought about everything that Jim did, many of his quirks as a person and as a captain, surviving an event such as Tarsus would explain a lot.

Spock had consulted the ship’s computer to get Jim’s, Mr. Leighton’s and Mr. Riley’s information. Then, he referenced subsides along the tour route of the Karidian players and pulled up nine suicides that matched what Jim had in his record. Then, he consulted the database for something on groups of nine who were children.

And then Spock had looked for tragedies.

Tarsus was the first on the list.

Along with a picture of the man named Kodos.

Spock hadn’t been surprised that Jim had such an adverse reaction to Anton Karidian. Kodos and Karidan looked very similar to each other. 

Spock did not have the clearance to get much more information about the tarsus colony nor the nine children who were the only survivors of the massacre who could place the Governor at the massacre.

What he did get was public knowledge; Kodos was dead – killed by people who had once sided with him, the nearly four thousand people who were not on the kill list were practically dead anyway.

Kodos hadn’t even opened the stores of food that the colony had created before the crops had failed. When Starfleet had done the inventory of the food stores, they had discovered that there was enough food to feed ten thousand people for at least six months. Not just the eight thousand for four months. There had been enough food.

Spock walked into med bay. He had to find Jim before the play that night. He would not allow Jim to face this alone.

He went directly to Dr. McCoy’s office and opened the door. It had not been locked.

“I told you Bones! I’ve eaten!” Jim said from his place on the small couch on the far side of the room. He was not slouched on the furniture like he would typically be, he was sitting at attention, straight back and hands on his knees. Jim’s hands were in fists. Spock could nearly feel the upset and anxiety that was running through him.

“Jim-boy, I told you, I can see the food card usage. You’ve barely been eating a thousand calories a day for the last week.” McCoy said. He was in front of his desk, which had a tray with a meal on it. The meal was one of Jim’s favorites. “You need to eat.”

They both looked up at Spock as he entered and the door slid shut behind him. “Captain, Doctor.” He greeted.

“Great. Invaded again.” McCoy sighed as he walked around his desk to sit behind it. “Please eat something, Jim.”

Spock went directly to Jim and took Jim’s hands in his own. He helped them unclench. Jim looked up at Spock, meeting his eyes, and for moment Spock could feel Jim’s emotions clearly. They were resigned, tired and upset.

Spock moved his hands to a kiss and stroked Jim’s hand. Jim broke eye contact to watch as he repeated the gesture back to Spock.

Then Jim sighed, “Ok, I’ll eat.” Jim broke the kiss and reached for the tray of food on the desk.

McCoy looked triumphant, he barely gave Jim and Spock’s hands a glance. “Thank you! I know it’s been stressful for the last few days, but I really need you to eat Jim.”

“I would be satisfied to see you eat more, as well Jim,” Spock said, agreeing with McCoy.

McCoy looked even happier if that was possible. “See, even Spock wants you to eat. The ship needs you at your best.”

Jim made an agreeing noise around a mouth full of food. He swallowed and said, “I know that, but you know that sometimes I don’t remember that I can eat more.”

As Jim finished the tray of food, McCoy turned to Spock and asked, “why are you here Spock? Do you need something?”

Spock nodded, responding, “I must ask the captain a question regarding crewman shifts, but I can wait until Jim is done eating.” He sat next to Jim and did not lean into Jim’s body. As much as he wanted too.

“I’m done so ask away,” Jim said pushing the tray away from him.

“Damnit Jim, I said eat not inhale,” McCoy said as he picked up the tray and put it into a recycler.

Jim just smiled. “Can’t help it sometimes. What’s up, Spock? What’s wrong with the crew changes?”

Spock looked at Jim and tilted his head. “May I ask as to why you have moved Mr. Riley from the alpha shift engineering station on the bridge to the gamma shift engineering station in the engineering room?”

Jim frowned. Spock was very relieved that Jim had finished his food because Spock suspected that Jim would not eat after this conversation. “I had to, and it was my choice. You put quiet orders out so that he is never alone Mr. Spock. We all have our ways of protecting people. This is one of them.”

“You moved Riley?” McCoy asked. “Jim, he will think it’s a demotion!”

Jim shook his head. “He won’t. He knows why for the most part. He thinks that I think he needs some time to recover before being put on bridge duty again.”

“For the most part? What does that mean?” McCoy asked, leaning forward.

At the same time, Spock said, “You have told him about the fate of others of the Tarsus Nine, but you did not tell him your suspicions against the Karidian players?”

McCoy and Jim stared at Spock. Jim, with a pale expression and McCoy with a resigned expression.

McCoy sighed, “Should have known you would figure it out.” He shook his head. “You didn’t tell him did you, Jim?” he asked turning to face Jim.

Jim said, “No, I didn’t. How the hell did you figure it out, Spock?” he hadn’t recovered his color, and a small part of Spock did not like that.

At all.

So, he reached out and place a hand on Jim’s. Jim intertwined his fingers with Spock’s.

Jim took comfort in that touch if his emotions were anything to go by. McCoy eyed them with an expression that Spock wasn’t able to read adequately, but he thought looked a little like relief and smugness mixed with concern.

“I simply did research based on what was said to me and events I know to be true,” Spock told them. He was trying to not read Jim beyond the base emotions that Spock could not ignore, but the full contact of their hands together was too much of a distraction. He could not focus on the conversation, feel Jim’s hands on his, and maintain his shields all at once.

Spock started to move his hands away, but Jim held on, his grip tightening on them to keep Spock still.

_Of course, he would figure it out. He’s the smartest person I know._

_I wanted to spare him this._

Jim’s thoughts did not set Spock at ease.

“What do you suspect about the acting trope we’ve been dealing with?” McCoy asked Jim.  

Jim didn’t pull away when he answered, and Spock could clearly feel the anguish Jim was dealing with. “I think, and so did Tom, that Anton Karidian is Kodos.”

McCoy’s eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open. “You think that old guy, instead of just looking like that madman, is in fact, that actual madman?”

Jim hesitated and then nodded. “I think so. But I’m not sure.”

“Jim, you can’t condemn a man on an accusation such as that with just an ‘I think so.'” McCoy said, “What’s your evidence?”

“I’ll send it to you. Its compiled in my personal padd in my quarters. I’ve got a lot on conjecture, and I’ve sent a message to Martha Leighton for Tom’s information. Bones, I don’t think I’m crazy.” Jim said. He was getting firmer in his belief and Spock could feel it.

Spock spoke up, “I think so as well, doctor.”

McCoy turned and looked at him. His glare becoming more fierce and angry. “And why is that?”

“Because the evidence shows…” Spock started.

“I would need to see that evidence before I can condemn a man for a crime that the perpetrator supposedly already died for,” McCoy said. “And it has to be truly convincing for it to work for me.”   

Spock nodded again, “I shall send you the evidence I already compiled, as well.”

“I would recommend something more substantial, something other than records. Something like an audio-verbal comparison might be enough. If we have recordings of what Kodos sounded like,” McCoy sighed, “Also Spock, if any of this coming from you then it needs to be very airtight because of your obvious dislike of Lenore Karidian. And don't even try to deny it. It's obvious.”

Spock had to fight against the flush that threatens to rise up against his will at the fact that McCoy had noticed his dislike and jealousy of Lenore Karidian. “I assure you, doctor, that any report of mine will show no basis. I am vulcan. ”

“Wait, you don’t like Lenore Karidian?” Jim said as he turned to face Spock. They were still holding hands, and Spock could distinctly feel Jim’s confusion and surprise.

He could also hear, _why would he not like Karidian? What did she do to Spock?_ From Jim. He was relieved that Jim thought it was something that Karidian had done to him, not a completely illogical feeling of jealously.

“I find her actions to be quite ‘annoying’ as you have once put it. She is determined to do something that has already been shut down from her.” Spock said. He did not explain further. Jim can draw his own conclusions.

McCoy piped up, and Spock glared at him. “In other words, he’s jealous.”

Jim flushed bright red, and Spock got a rush of several emotions from their connected hands he could not place fast enough. The most dominant one was surprised. The others faded out before he had a chance to name them. “Jealous, Mr. Spock?” Jim said.

Spock tried to, as he had heard once, ‘play it cool.' “I suppose it can be named in that manner.” He said tilting his head to Jim slightly.

Jim put his left hand on their intertwined hands and rubbed it slowly over the exposed back of Spock’s hand.

McCoy coughed, “And now you two are flirting in my office. Of course, you are.”

-

_Jim stared down at food in front of him. It wasn’t as if this plate was something he disliked, he really did like the chicken and mashed potatoes that the replicators made but he could not eat._

_He stared down at his plate and could not figure out why he was reluctant to eat._

_It had been two weeks since they had lost warp after escaping the singularity created by the Narada._

_He had been able to eat until now._

_Why?_

_“Jim. Whatcha got on your mind?” Bones’ voice pulled him away from looking at his food._

_Bones placed his tray down across from Jim on the table. He looked concerned and tired._

_Jim bet if he saw his own face he would look the same. It had been a long two weeks, and they were still at least three weeks from earth._

_“I can’t eat.” He said quietly. Bones had discovered the MRE’s only two months ago. He had found about … that part of Jim's past just two months ago._

_Bones looked up, alarmed. He said just as quietly, “You have been eating until this point?” he looked at Jim's plate._

_Jim nodded. “I have been, but for the most part, I’ve been on the bridge or in engineering. The yeomen brought food for everyone when we couldn't leave. This is the first time I've been in the mess.”_

_“I see. You could see everyone who was directly under you eat. Here, you can't. Jim, everyone in this room is eating or has eaten. Hell, there isn’t anyone in line for the replicators.  You can eat. No one on this ship is going to go hungry.” Bones said, matter of fact. He was still quiet about it, but he wasn’t leaving any room for argument._

_Bones then reached for his utensils and started to eat. They had been working on getting Jim to eat when he could see everyone eating or had been fed before the attack on Vulcan. Jim believes Bones when he says that people have eaten. He hasn’t lied to Jim before._

_Looking around Jim could see that Bones was right. Everyone had eaten, and he could eat. Something in Jim relaxed enough that he could grab his utensils and that was better than before._

_Bones did not push him to eat anymore. That helped too. Jim slowly took a few bites of the mashed potatoes. They didn’t taste like much, but he could eat them._

_Jim let his mind wander. His hands moving independently from his mind. If he didn’t think about it, then his mind won’t start protesting._

_In the past two weeks, Jim had been busy. He was captain of a ship that was damaged and grieving. They had rescued a good hundred Vulcans before they left Vulcan’s former space. They had lost a good hundred and fifty crewmen and officers._

_They were doing their best to help everyone recover but the Vulcans…. The Vulcans were having an impossible time handing the trauma they were experiencing._

_Jim knew the feeling._

_On top of the emotional hurts and the physical injuries, his ship was trying to fall apart before his eyes, and Jim was doing everything to prevent it from doing that._

_Between Jim, Chekov, Scotty and the rest of the engineering crew, they were keeping the ship moving forward. Without the core, they had less than half of the power the ship was used to having. They have solved this issue by eliminating the science labs. The labs were put into stasis until the Enterprise got back to earth. Scotty was still running around and fixing things that were about to explode or break, but Jim was confident in him. He was totally making sure that Scotty was never going back to the ice ball of hell._

_Uhura had the communications systems nearly working to full capacity despite the loss of several of the receptors and sensors they needed. She seemed to get the systems online with just some duct tape and hope. Jim was totally going to recommend she be promoted to full lieutenant when they got back to earth. (Scotty looked ready to marry her when she had explained what she did to the long-range sensor lab’s system that had enabled them to receive long range vid comm messages again. Scotty didn’t know that Spock and Uhura were totally going to be the Starfleet star couple)._

_Sulu was keeping the ship heading in the right direction with Chekov’s help. Neither of them was sleeping much, and now that he was thinking about it, Jim wasn’t sure how much sleep Chekov was getting. He might need to make sure the man slept. (He would call Chekov a boy but that had been proven wrong many times over in the last two weeks.) Sulu was running the command division while Jim was trying to solve the rest of the ships issues. Jim was making sure that he stayed with the alpha shift when they got back to earth._

_Jim saw Spock and Uhura enter the mess hall._

_Uhura was talking about something and waving one of her hands towards the replicators. Spock nodded, and Jim stopped eating and watched them like a hawk as they both got food and sat down at a table that was unoccupied. When they both had started to eat, Jim looked away and took another bite of chicken._

_Bones was still watching him, Jim knew but when he met Bones’ eyes, all Bones did was nod._

_He understood. Bones understood him and Jim understood Bones._

_Spock was someone that Jim didn’t think he would ever understand._

_And somewhere deep in him, that hurt._

_Because, sometime in the last two weeks, Spock had become indispensable in running the Enterprise. He has the practical experience that Jim could lean on and get advice from. But he also was able to read Jim rather well. Jim could and would just look up at Spock with a question on his face but not voice it, and Spock would have that answer._

_It was amazing. Spock dealt with Jim as a new captain over a hurt and damaged crew and ship. He dealt with the crew themselves. He dealt with the Vulcans._

_The Vulcans had apparently changed their opinions of Spock, Jim had found out recently from a short conversation with Uhura. Most of the Vulcans had been indifferent to Spock because of his heritage, but some of them were outright hostile._

_Now Spock was the second in command of the ship they were on, the ship that had saved them. He was the savior of the elders. He had tried desperately to save his planet, and he had been the one to do the most damage to the ship that had destroyed his world and its culture. That last bit satisfied some apparently archaic, ancient, need of revenge that the Vulcans barely acknowledged._

_Jim thought that it was damn right of them to have a change of opinion about Spock. He deserved it._

_Jim sighed and looked down at his mostly eaten plate. He might as well acknowledge it now._

_He totally had a crush on Spock. He hoped it would go away soon. Spock was with Uhura, and they worked rather well together. He wasn’t going to get in the middle of that. And he was rather sure that Spock really only tolerated him._

_Right now._

_Because at least one Spock in the universe liked him. The old Spock on Delta Vega said they would be friends._

_Jim could work with that. He could be Spock’s friend. Wouldn’t do to wish for more._

_-_

If Jim could figure out any way to get out of this damned play he would.

But he hadn't. He tried all the polite ways of getting out of the play.

He has completed all of the paperwork he needed to do and most of what he didn’t need to do. Jim had hoped that would take longer, but he suspected Spock had gone and done most of his paperwork behind his back again. 

His crew, also, won’t let him up to the bridge because they think he deserves the night off.

When he tried to be the self-sacrificing captain and said that since he’s seen the players before the gamma shift officer of the watch (who held the conn while Jim was off duty during Gamma shift) should be able to see it.

She just grinned at him and said to go. She didn’t care for plays anyway.

So, Jim has no polite excuse to avoid the fuck out the play happening that night.

And once again, he can’t offend the admiral’s guests. Or he can't do so when he still has to deal with the admiral when he gets back to Yorktown, and she controls the next mission the ship receives.

He took a good look around the room. The rec room hadn’t looked so… done up before. Jim had to give it to the morale officer. They had outdone themselves. Jim was going to provide them with an award for this.

Bones was already in the rec room. He was sitting with Sulu and Chapel. Jim realized that meant that M’benga was on duty.

Scotty and Uhura were in a corner looking as if they were on a date.

Jim waved at them, and the pair waved back. Jim was glad to see that Uhura was moving on from her relationship with Spock with someone who was just as worthy of her awesomeness.

Just before the start of the five-year mission, Jim and Scotty had gotten very drunk together. They both knew that they were head over heels for someone who was in a happy, committed relationship.

Now three years later, Scotty had asked Uhura out, and Jim was nearly there with Spock.

The conversation when Jim got closer to Bones made him grin.

“Yah so, Pavel’s on duty tonight in the engineering room,” Sulu said. “He volunteered so that Scotty could go to this play with Uhura.”

Bones very looked disappointed as he heard that. Jim wondered if Chekov’s occasional longing glance toward Bones hadn’t gone as unnoticed as he thought.

“I’m sad to hear that. I thought he wanted to see some live Shakespeare.” Bones said, putting his normal grumpy expression back on.

Jim slid into the seat next to him and grinned. “Hiya, Bones!”

“Hey, Jim. Just in time. Spock isn’t here yet, but we’ve got a seat saved.” Bones said, before turning back to Sulu, gesturing that he continues what he was saying.

“He was looking forward to it, but the girl he was going to ask to the play asked someone else,” Sulu said. Sulu traded a glance with Jim as Bones’ grumpy expression becomes an outright scowl. The look said ‘look at this. How can he be so blind?’.

Apparently, while Jim had been dealing with this whole this with Karidian and Kodos, he had missed something happening with his best friend. Jim would totally get the news from Bones later.

“Kevin’s on duty, in engineering too,” Jim said, “I think they are getting the sound piped in. I know the bridge is getting it and I think engineering is too.”

Bones turned to Jim, “Is that a good idea?” he said looking concerned. Bones paused for a second then continued, “I mean, won’t the play become a distraction?”

Jim understood what Bones actually meant. He meant ‘would it be a good idea for Kevin Riley to hear this actor no matter who he actually is?’

Jim answered both questions, “I think it will be fine to listen to the broadcast. I’ve been assured that everyone will be able to handle their jobs and the play at the same time.”

Bones nodded. Kevin had said that he would be alright to listen to the man, but he didn’t want to see the actor who looked so much like Kodos. “If you believe so.” He said.

“I do,” Jim said, then he looked up and saw Spock making his way across the room to them.

Spock sat next to Jim. “Captain.” He said evenly. As he sat down, Spock extended two fingers and Jim smiled and did the same, smiling at the feeling he got.

Jim didn’t quite know what this gesture meant to Vulcans. He did know it said something though; he had seen the gesture a lot after Vulcan had been destroyed in-between bonded couples. It was as they were reassuring each other that they were both alive. He had also seen Uhura and Spock together to know that it meant something different than relief.

Jim also knew that the movement of Spock’s hand on his gave him a sense of comfort and pleasure that Jim really wanted to get to know better.

He really never wanted Spock to stop.

Jim leaned into the warmth that Spock was giving off and tried to relax. He would have to look up the gesture sometime soon.

“Captain, will you be alright during the play?” Spock asked quietly. Jim looked around at the others for a moment, but Bones and Sulu were still talking about something that may or may not be Chekov’s latest escapade in engineering. Jim would really have to get the story out from Bones later.

“I’m fine for now, Spock but could you make sure I don’t freak out when the play starts?” Jim asked.

Spock nodded seriously. “I can do that.”

Then Jim gathered his courage and asked, “Can I hold your hand?”

Spock glanced at him and then held out his hand for Jim to take as the lights in the rec room went dark.

The play started, it was a rendition of Macbeth this time, and Jim felt himself tense. The actor, Anton Karidian was still setting off every alarm bell that Jim had. He tightened his grip of Spock’s hand Spock once again pushed a calm feeling to him.

Jim didn’t quite relax, but he did manage to avoid a panic attack.

-

“Hey, Riley,” Chekov said as he passed Kevin a padd filled with rows of previously recorded reading of the gages of the engines.

The sound of the play was continuing in the background. Kevin still didn’t like the tone of that actor’s voice. He was glad that Jim gave him this out instead of making him sit thought that play again. He wouldn't even have support from T’Renna as she was on bridge duty today.

“Yes?” Kevin said taking the padd. He started to mark the temperatures and the pressures. They hadn’t changed since last shift, but that was a good thing.

“Are you dating Lieutenant T’Renna?” Chekov asked. He was facing the other machine doing some maintenance. Just minor adjustments.  

Kevin winced and started to flush. “I’m not…” he said, trailing off. “Why?” He hoped that Chekov’s next question wasn’t going to be ‘Is she single?’.

Because he wasn’t going to have his heart broken before he even gets a chance to ask her out. He had been trying to dig up the courage to ask her out for the last five months.

But he hadn’t for various reasons.

“Because you two are a little like the captain and Mr. Spock, so I thought...” Chekov said. “I thought maybe it would be the same for you two.”

Kevin felt his face get redder. If he and T’Renna were like Jim and Mr. Spock, then he might be more obvious then he thought.

“That would be nice, but we’re not.” He said, turning to look at Chekov. Chekov was grinning at him, a smear of grease on his forehead, Chekov seemed to understand what Kevin had said. That he would like to be dating T’Renna but he hasn’t asked.  

In a desperate attempt to change the subject to something other than himself, Kevin asked, “What about you and the doctor? Anything happening there? Even I’ve seen how you look at him.”

Chekov grinned even wider. “Something, maybe soon, but not yet! I just got him interested.”

Kevin laughed. “I’m sure you’re happy about that!”

“I am!” Chekov said, laughing.

There was a smattering of applause from the comm on the wall that caught their attention. The lead actor, Karidan’s voice caused Kevin to freeze for a second.

Kevin took a deep breath and pushed himself to move on. Chekov caught his look but did not question him.

“Seems like they’re enjoying the play, aren't they?” Kevin said as he moved on to the next set of gages. These ones needed adjustment they were far too high. He corrected the gages and wrote down the readings and the changes.

This type of work is tedious but necessary for the safe run of the ship.

Chekov made an agreeing noise. “Looks like it.” Then he paused. “Riley? Have you checked the dilithium power to AC power conversion readings yet?”

Kevin looked up from the padd. “I haven’t. I was gonna after I’d eaten. Want me to do it now?” He had been hungry for some time but he wanted to get most of the readings done.

Chekov shook his head. “No, you go eat. I’ve got the readings. Just replicate me something too. With water, please!” He held out his hand to take the padd from Kevin.

“Sure,” Kevin said, handing over the padd. He headed over to the replicator on the far wall of engineering, near the door. Apparently, it was against regulations for the replicator to be closer to the engines. So, it stayed out of the way.

He replicated two dinners, one with water and the other with milk. He carried them to a table in the corner near the central engineering stations. He pushed two schematics away to place the trays down. He took a quick drink of the milk and sat down to eat.

“Sorry, Riley! I know you just sat down but could you help me with this?” Chekov said from behind one of the towers. “I can’t reach the handle and read the gage at the same time.”

Kevin put down his sandwich, got up from the table and left the tray. He called back, “Sure let me get over there!”

It took them both a few minutes to record the readings. By the time they got the readings done they both were covered in dust.

“Why was that schematic even there?” Kevin asked as they walked to the table. He didn’t sit this time he just reached for his glass and took a deep swallow.

“Because Keenser likes to hide at least one of the schematics near where the modification is in the system,” Chekov said, but Kevin didn’t pay attention. 

It was getting hard to breath. It felt like Kevin's throat was closing up.

He couldn’t breathe.

Kevin felt himself panic. He couldn’t’ breathe. He felt a spike of terror. Why couldn’t he breathe?!

He gasped out, “Chko…!” as he fell to his knees clutching at his chest. He dropped the glass of milk and it shattered around him.

Chekov yelled, “Shit! Riley!” as he fell to the floor next to him trying to move Kevin’s hands from his throat. He swept the glass away from Kevin as he helped lower Kevin to the floor.

Then he jumped to his feet and ran to the comm on the wall. Kevin watched with barely open eyes at Chekov yelled into the comm “Medical emergency in engineering! Medical Emergac-!“ Chekov was cut off by a dark figure that Kevin couldn’t make out.

“Who are you?!” Chekov yelled before the figure attacked him. Kevin could barely see the person. They were dressed in all black. Chekov fought back, but Kevin couldn’t get a good look at the other person’s face. He still was having trouble breathing.

His vision was growing dark but he watched and tried to call out as Chekov collapsed to the floor because of a blow to the head.

The person in black paused as Chekov fell. Kevin still couldn’t see them. 

Then he lost the fight to stay conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy chapter three! I think this will be about six or seven chapters in total. The whole thing is written out but I need to edit. Please comment if you see any misspellings or anything like that. anyway! hope you all enjoy! i'm on tumblr at asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon! :D


	4. Guns and Ships

Bones ran flat out to the med bay, barely pausing to take the turns of the hallways of the Enterprise. He ran past the crewmen who were in the halls. 

He didn't even need to yell for them to clear the passageway. The crew had heard the call and flattened themselves to the bulkheads as Bones ran past. 

He had gotten the call halfway through the play. There was a medical emergency in Engineering.

Chekov had called over the general comm line. That line would go automatically to every Comm unit on the ship. The entire rec room had heard Chekov call for a medical emergency and then heard Chekov’s cry of surprise. 

The play had come to an abrupt stop.

One of Uhura’s commutations officers on the bridge had immediately called Jim, Spock, Scotty and himself on their personal commutators to inform them of the call. 

By that time, Jim and Scotty were running to engineering. Spock, Uhura, and Sulu were running to the bridge. Bones saw Jim and Spock have one of their conversations with just expressions and feelings in a heartbeat as they ran out the door. 

Jim had trained his people well, and the team was already separating to the place they would be best. Spock wasn't as good at engineering as Scotty and Jim were. He was good but not as good as them. Uhura was needed on the bridge; she would keep the lines open and would be the best at making sure information is passed along correctly. Sulu was already barking into an open communicator to get a security team to engineering. 

Bones was already halfway out the door, calling for a med team to get to engineering into a communicator. The med bay was closer to engineering then the rec room was. They would get to the emergency first.

Bones spared a thought that it was Chekov that was in need of help. That he cried out in pain. And then he remembers that Kevin was working down in engineering to that night. Chekov called out for help before he was hurt. Something must have gone wrong.

Shit.

Bones felt his worry increase.

He skidded to a stop at the entrance of the medical bay. 

Chapel was already setting up pre-op and the sterilizing field on two beds. The area would need another thirty seconds to be the highest settings. 

One of his registered nurses was reading out the real-time patient information that response team was imputing. Bones listened to the readings of pulses, blood pressures, wounds, oxygen imputes as he pulled equipment out of a drawer.

According to the readings; Riley was barely breathing and on forced oxygen. Chekov had a blow to the head that was bleeding badly. They would need a larger canister of oxygen. The portable one isn’t very long-lasting.

Bones thought Riley was probably worse off. He would be treated first. He barked at Chapel to get Riely to the first bed when he came in. Chekov was going to the next one. 

Chapel nodded and started to set up the tables accordingly. 

M’begna ran into the room with a team carrying two stretchers. Bones knew the man had been on duty. “Doctor. Riley is not currently breathing on his own. It may be an allergic reaction; it may be poison. We don’t know. There is some substance in his mouth so he may have eaten whatever it was. The results are still pending. Chekov is definitely a blow to the head. Neither is responsive.” M’Begna said as they both hurried to sterilization.

“I’ve got Riley.” Bones said. He was handed a padd by one of the response team members with the tricorder results rapidly analyzing and displaying on it. He checked the blood concentration and nodded. Then he looked at the results from the stomach and winced. “He’s going to need a stomach pump. It's definitely a poison of some sort. He ate it.”

“Got it,” M’Begna said. “I’ve got Chekov. I’ll take good care of him, McCoy.”

Bones nodded. He trusted his people.

The next few hours were hectic and exhausting. 

Riley had ingested enough poison that it could have killed him if it had fully metabolized. As it was, the blood scrubbers were getting out the bit he did swallow and had metabolized. Most of the damage was to his throat and lungs. It would be days before he would breathe without trouble.

M’begna had prevented a concussion or swelling from occurring in Chekov, but they had let him sleep naturally. Concussions and lacerations were injuries that Bones' med team had a good handle on. 

Bones fell into a chair in his office after one last check on both of his patients. Jim waited on the couch, and Spock was behind him, standing. They had arrived sometime during the previous three hours, Bones hadn't paid much attention to them as they came from the bridge and Engineering. Too busy trying to keep Riely alive. 

The first words out of his mouth were, “They’ll live.”

Some of the tension fell out of Jim’s shoulders. “Good. How are they, Bones?” he asked, sinking back into the couch. Spock placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder, and Jim reached up, put a hand on Spock’s, and leaned into the touch.

“Chekov just has a minor head injury. We solved most of the problems accompany with that, but he needed to sleep normally for a while.” Bones said. He leaned forward slightly to placed his elbows on his desk. “He’ll be fine in a few hours.”

“Riley, on the other hand, will need a few days, Jim. He was poisoned. Twice.” Bones paused to let that sink in. 

Jim paled and frowned. Spock just watched impassively. 

“The first one closed his throat," Bones continued, he knew his leadership needed to hear the condition of their crewmen.  "That’s probably got Chekov’s attention. The second is a blood poison. We used to be unable to detect that type of poison with a tricorder reading. Now with the new ship, it showed up. I guess that it was added because whoever did this wanted to make sure that even if Riley survived the initial poising that he would die anyway.”

Jim’s expression hardened. “It was definitely deliberate.” He said. “The cameras were all taken out in engineering and the hallway that lead to it.”

They were silent for a moment.

Bones took a deep breath, “Do you think it was because of Tarsus?” he locked eyes with Jim. Bones flinched at the anger in Jim’s eyes.

He always got like this when his crew was hurt. Angry and ready to fight whoever hurt them.

“I have reason to believe so,” Jim said, shrugging off Spock’s hand and standing. He began to pace. “Bones, the only other person other than me who was on Tarsus was poised today, just days after Tom was killed! Tom had to be on to something. He was killed for finding something out. He might have been right.”

“That still doesn’t mean that Mr. Leighton was right. not based on that evidence could I say that Anton Karidian is Kodos.” Spock pointed out. “It’s likely, but we would need proof. Not just coincidences.”

Jim stopped pacing. “I’m going to have to talk to him.”

Bones and Spock protested that. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, Jim boy.” Bones said. He leaned forward on his desk, watching Jim as he struggled to keep calm. Talking to Karidain, regardless of who he really was wasn't the best idea that Jim's ever had. 

Bones was worried about what Jim was going to do to Karidan no matter the outcome of that conversation. 

Spock just frowned and pulled Jim closer to him. Jim went willing, sitting on the couch, nearly in Spock’s lap. Despite the situation, Bones felt relieved that they were getting this close to each other.

Maybe they would finally stop dancing around each other.

“I have to,” Jim said. “I really have to.”

Bones didn’t want Jim to talk to the man who sent him into a panic attack. But that look in Jim’s eyes. “Jim, what do you expect to do if Karidian is Kodos?”

Jim eyed him in surprise. “What do you mean, Bones?”

“What’s your plan if this man is Kodos, the executioner?” Bones asked. “Are you going to turn him in? Attack him? What’s your plan here?”

“What do you mean, Bones?” Jim repeated his question, this time his voice was like granite. His eyes were furious. 

“I need to know if what you are doing is coming from a place of vengeance. Vengeance… isn’t something I can let you do!” Bones said. Bones didn’t flinch from his captain’s anger. He never had before. 

Jim stared him down; Bones just glared back. 

Something softened in Jim's expression, and he then sighed. “I don’t know, Bones.  If he is Kodos, then I plan on turning him in! If it's him, then he needs to be punished. After what he has done, he needs to be dealt with in courts.”

Bones felt a bit of relief. “As long as you don’t plan on putting his head on a stick. That’s vengeance. That won’t bring back the dead, Jim.”

Jim nodded from his place from almost on Spock’s lap. “I know it won’t, Bones but it might let them rest easier.”

-

Scotty was the last one to officially report about what happened in engineering. 

In the intervening hours between the attack in engineering, waiting in med bay and waiting for Scotty's report Jim had almost run to the end of his rope. 

Scotty was so mad that Jim almost called Uhura to calm him down. Jim has to talk him down from insisting that the security rovers on duty during the attack be permanently assigned to engineering’s gamma shift.

When he finally calms down and explains what happened to their systems, that someone got into the engineering room and messed with the cameras. Someone took advantage of a flaw in the programming that Scotty nor Keenser had a chance to test yet. The fault was from Yorktown.

Jim spoke to Scotty for at least an hour about how they could prevent that from ever happening again.

By the time Scotty left, it was late. Bones had reported on the medical conditions of Kevin and Chekov. Uhura had reported that all crew members were accounted for. Sulu was doing a check of the guests and Spock had the Conn. 

Jim knew what he had to do.

He would have to see the man he knew might be Kodos.

Jim grabbed a padd and pulled up the speech that had haunted him for years. He read it once. 

His nightmares hadn’t forgotten a word.

Jim left his office and walked to the turbo lift. This encounter would not be pleasant. Jim brought no weapon to this meeting. Just his communicator. He had set the call to be voice activated. He would be able to use it while fighting if need be.

Jim still hoped he was wrong.

Deep down, Jim knew he wasn’t.

He walked up to the Enterprises’ Guest Quarters door.

Due to the limited amount of space on a starship, Anton Karidian was sharing a room with his daughter. Most of the other actors were four to a berthing, and the stagehands were in the extra enlisted bunks in the lower decks. Being the leader of an acting troupe had to have some advantages.

He called for an entry and waited. Jim’s grip on the padd was strong.

“Come.” A deep voice that was so much like the voice that haunted him said from the room. Jim entered. A man was seated at the desk on the side of the room, studying a script. 

“Ah, Captain Kirk? Was it? May I ask what you need from me?” The man said, impatiently.

“Its past time that we should talk shouldn’t we?” Jim said smiling. He was aware that his smile was sharp and a little angry.

Jim took a deep breath and ignored the way every hair on his body stood up. “I came because we have had an incident on board today, during the play. I just wanted to be sure that you have everyone accounted for.”

Anton Karidian looked like his last photo. Thin, near skeletal face and a tall, lanky body. If it weren't for the man’s white hair instead of red, then he would be the spitting image of Kodos.

Anton said, “I do have everyone, my daughter Lenore called in a few minutes ago. Lenore is out right now, calming our team. They were quite shaken up by the event. One of our stagehands even dropped a part of the set on his hand! Quite unlike him.” Anton stood and walked to the dresser against the far wall.

Jim took that piece of information and added it to his account of the day. While Anton Karidian was on stage with his daughter at the time, Kevin and Chekov were attacked, but the stagehands might be free to leave and move about the ship.

“If that was all, Captain. I would prefer to be alone after a performance.” Anton said, turning back to face Jim. “I find that in the event of an upset, I am better off alone. It allows me to pull myself out of the part I am playing.  ‘I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable. I am an original’ and all.”

“It seems you prefer to be alone a lot,” Jim said evenly. “I can’t help but call bullshit and wonder if the real reason is that there is something wrong with my ship that might offend you?” He tightened the grip on the padd in his hand. “Would it be one of the members of my crew or me?”

“While I am an actor, captain, I don’t find that I often enjoy the company of others. I prefer to be alone, that is all.” Anton said. “Is there anything else I can settle your mind with?”

Jim held out the padd. “Yes, there is. I need to see if your voice matches a recording. Please read this paragraph into the padd.” Jim pressed a button on the padd. “It’s already recording.” 

Anton took the padd and looked over the lines. He filched and then looked up to meet Jim’s eyes. Jim didn’t flinch away from the look, and Karidian dropped his gaze first.

He then read the paragraph that changed Jim’s life. “ _The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued exitance represents a threat to the well-being of society….”_ Anton paused for a heartbeat then looked up at Jim and didn’t looked back down at the padd. _“Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered. Signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV._ ”

Anton finished and handed Jim back the padd. Jim looked over the padd and ended the recording. That should be enough for Bones. He would get Spock to help with the analysis. Jim knew that Spock believed him, but Spock was also Vulcan and therefore more impartial then Jim.

Karidian moved around Jim to sit back down at the desk. He picked up the script again. Clearly trying to communicate that he was done talking to Jim. Jim didn’t let him go.

“I remember those words,” Jim said, lowly. “I’m betting you do too. They’ve haunted me for most of my life. I think they’ve haunted you too.”

Karidian flinched.

“You didn’t even have to look at the padd, did you?” Jim asked. “You knew what to say because you’ve said it before.” Jim took a deep breath.

Karidan shook faintly. He didn't look up at Jim. 

“Are you Kodos?” Jim said, forcefully. He took a step toward Karidian.

Karidian placed the scrip down on the desk again and stood up. He walked around the desk as if to keep a barrier between himself and Jim. “I’ve always memorized my parts quickly. It’s part of who I am as an actor.” He said avoiding Jim’s question. “This Kodos, he seemed to think that he wrote his way of life. ‘I wrote my way out of hell. I wrote my way to revolution. **’”**

“Are you Kodos?” Jim asked again, stepping forward until he could place his hands on the desk. The padd, he set aside on the table.

“If he is important to you then yes, I can be,” Karidian said, still trying to deflect. “I am an actor. I play many parts.”

Jim scoffed. “Is genocidal governor of a starving colony one of the parts you played? What part did you play nearly twenty years ago?” he snarled the last part of his question. 

Jim stared at Karidian and tried not to let his anger take over.

If he let his anger take over he wouldn’t have a person to present to the Federation for trial, he would have a corpse.

Jim was human and therefore always striving to be better than his basic instincts. To be more than vengeance.

Karidian finally met Jim’s eyes. The look in Karidain’s was haunted like he was trapped remembering a past he didn’t like to think about.

“As one grows older, one grows thankful for a failing memory,” Karidian said. “To answer your question, captain, twenty years ago, I was younger, just younger. Now I simply live. Nothing more. I am tired.” He sank forward to lean on the desk chair.

Jim saw him as Anton Karidian was. A tired, broken old man and all Jim could feel was disgust because it was all Karidian’s fault that he was like this.

“My father is tired, captain. Please leave us.” A voice said from the doorway. From the way that Karidian jumped, he didn’t hear the door slide open either. Jim turned to face the newcomer. 

Lenore walked in. She was glowing with fury. “You charm only to attack, Captain Kirk. I was hoping that you would be in full shining armor, but now I see that there is a stain marring it.”

“I find that I will do what I must to protect my crew,” Jim said tightly. He didn’t care much about what she thought of him. Her projections onto him were not his responsibly. “If he is Kodos then we will go to trial. If he isn’t then… no harm was done.” Jim knew that if he were wrong, then the harm would be for Anton Karidian. Jim would have to deal with the fallout.

“You believe you can accuse my father and say there is no harm done?” Lenore spat out. She pushed him toward the door. Jim reached out and grabbed the padd off the desk. Anton watched his daughter push Jim out. “Who are you to say that there is no harm done?”

Jim stepped out of room and blocked the doorway from shutting automatically. “Who do I have to be? A victim of a crime? A prosecutor? An investigator? A bystander? Who do I have to be?”

Lenore’s face twisted into a snarl. She was still beautiful but there as something in her eyes that, for the first time, made Jim just as wary of her as he was about her father.

“You would have to be human! Which you clearly are not!” She said and pushed him into the hallway one more time. Jim let her, and the door slid shut. ”’If you stand for nothing, Captain Kirk, what'll you fall for?’”

Jim walked away set on finding Spock. He just followed the pull in his chest.

He thought to himself that if he wasn’t human, then they were more than monsters.

-

_“Tom!” Jim said into the camera, he was smiling. He was in his ship, with his crew and not bound to earth because of his recovery._

_“Hey, Jimmy,” Tom responded. “I see you are up and moving again.” He was smiling around the mask that took up a lot of his face. “Can’t keep you earthbound, can they?”_

_Jim laughed. “Nope! I’m meant to be in space. Keeping me dirtside always fails. I’ll end up in the stars every time.” He leaned back in his office chair. “What about you, Tom? You’ve been out of contact for the last like year. What’s up?”_

_“I’ve been on a few planets studying their grains. I’m really getting close to a breakthrough!” Tom said. He was very proud. Jim smiled at him._

_They were the only two of the nine would keep in contact with each other at the beginning. The others were all so young that their guardians made sure that they couldn’t contact the others. Now that the nine were older, Jim had heard from most of them but a few, like Linenette, preferred to be left alone._

_He respected that._

_But his next bit of news was something that Jim had to tell Tom._

_“So, have you talked to Kevin recently?” he asked._

_Tom shook his head. “I haven’t. You’re the first one I’ve called. Is he, all right?”_

_Jim nodded. “He is. Don’t worry about that! Just he told me to tell you if he hadn’t spoken to you first.”_

_Tom looked expatriated. “Tell me what?!”_

_“Kevin joined Starfleet last year,” Jim said smiling._

_“I should have known!” Tom said, laughing. “He’s just like you, meant for the stars!”_

_Jim laughed. “Watch out, Jimmy. He’ll be out for your job next!” Tom said, grinning._

_Jim’s quiet giggles became outright laughs. “He’s already sworn that he’s going to be on the enterprise. He’s said that he’s trying to join us before the five-year mission is over.”_

_Tom shook his head. “He’s going to get there. We’ve all chosen to move on. And this is his way. He is going to get there.”_

_“I can’t wait to have him on my crew,” Jim said._

_-_

Spock walked into Jim’s office with the results of the voice match test. Nyota ran the test herself. She didn’t want to let a hint of a mistake anywhere near the test. She didn’t know what was going on entirely, but she did know something was up, and it wasn’t good.

She was as loyal to Jim as the rest of the crew is.

Jim looked up.

Spock could see several emotions playing across Jim’s face, but he could not name one.

He placed the padd with the results on from the test on Jim’s desk. Jim picked it up and read though Nyota’s notes.

“it’s a match, Jim,” Spock said.

“But not an exact one,” Jim said after a moment of comparing the results.

Spock paused and shook his head. “No, but the differences are in the allowable margins for age.”

“That’s not good enough for this, Spock,” Jim said looking up. “I am convinced that Karidian is Kodos. But coming from me it’s not impartial. Spock, the rest of the Federation would believe Bones! That is vengeance, not the truth.” He leaned back in his chair and kept his gaze on Spock.

Spock placed his hand on Jim’s. Not quite a Vulcan kiss but something just as intimate. “This evidence would be enough to send to trial, Jim. You have proven more than enough for that,” he said.

Jim frowned. “But is it enough for people to believe? I can’t allow that man to stay free.”

Spock felt Jim’s emotions. Jim was determined with an undercurrent of an emotion that Spock didn’t think he could truly understand. “No, Jim I do not believe that I would allow that either.”

Jim was silent for a moment, considering the results on the padd.

“Spock, am I doing this out of vengeance?” he said quietly.

Spock knew, much like how he knew when Jim would eat and other small things about Jim’s state of mind recently, that Jim was unsure of his own motivations. That he wanted Spock’s opinion of his motivation as well as the facts at hand.

Spock answer was immediate. “I do not believe you are trying to find the truth about a traumatic event is out of vengeance. I do think that you wishing to find justice for your friends is a driving factor. Based on all the evidence before me, Karidian is Kodos.”

Spock took a deep breath. “Jim. I don’t think you are wrong in any manner.” Something low and buzzing caught his attention.

Jim seemed to relax. His grip on Spock’s hands loosening. “That’s relieving to-“ Jim started to say, but Spocks held a hand up.

That noise was getting louder and louder. “Do you hear that, Jim?” Spock asked. He started to look around for the source of the sound. It set Spock’s hair on edge.

Jim shook his head. “Hear what?” he said then Jim paused. “That buzzing noise? That sounds like…. Like a Phaser on overload!”

Spock frowned slightly. It had been years since he watched the demonstration of a phaser overload. It did sound shriller then what he remembered. Which meant that it probably wasn’t a Starfleet issue phaser. He pushed the thoughts away. They had to find the phaser now.

Jim was already pushing himself away from the desk and Spock’s hands. A part of him winced at his mate taking a step away from him while he could be in danger. But the rest of him knew that it was better to have two people looking for the phaser then one.

As Jim tore apart the office, Spock went into the sleeping portion of Jim’s room. He opened drawers and rifled through the clothes there.

The sound was getting louder. It didn’t seem to have one point, it was coming from all over the room. There was nothing in the drawers. He turned to the bed. He pulled the sheets off of it and pulled the mattress up. Nothing.

Jim stopped pulling out every drawer. He heads reached for the comm unit on his desk. He yelled into it. “Red alert! Evacuate the deck near the officer’s quarters! One deck above and below! Close all airtight hatches! Uhura! There’s a phaser on overload in my quarters! Red alert!” Jim didn’t wait for Uhura’s reply because he went back to searching the office for the phaser.

Spock could hear the red alert siren faintly over the swelling sound of the phaser. The probably had less than a minute before the phaser exploded.

Jim ran up to him. “You need to leave now, Spock! If I can’t find the phaser… I can’t have you go with me! The ship needs you!”

“I am in no way leaving you, Jim! The ship needs you more!” Spock told him, reaching out and grabbing his hands. “I have already found out once what it was like to live without you and I am not doing it again!”

Jim’s eyes widened, and his mouth opened to say something, but Spock directly squeezed his hands around Jim’s and continued, “We need to find that phaser.”

Jim nodded. “I’ll go high, you go low.”

“Yes,” Spock said, and then they broke apart, and Spock dropped to his hands and knees and started to search the floor grates and other small places along the bottom of the room.

Jim was searching along the top.

“FOUND IT!” he cried after moment. Spock jumped to his feet and raced over to Jim’s side.

Jim was struggling to pull the panel of glass off of the alert lights. With every flash of red, the outline of a non-Starfleet issue phaser was displayed. The sound was disorientating by this point, nearly a physical feeling in Spock’s brain. Spock reached up and smashed his hand through the glass.

He pulled his hand away wincing, green blood already falling from the cuts, and Jim reached up and grabbed the phaser, he also cut his hand on the glass but not as severely as Spock did.

Jim, then, ran out of the room with the phaser.

About two frames down from Jim’s room there was a space airlock that was small and used just for damage control in case of ship damage. It would lead to the outside of the ship. The ship’s shields should protect them from too much damage if the phaser exploded on the outside of the ship. That phaser was far too gone for them to disable it.

Spock followed because making sure that Jim and the ship were safe were the only things that mattered.

Jim pulled open the airlock drawer and threw the phaser into it. He shoved it closed and pushed away from the outer wall, “Brace for shock!” he yelled, scrambling for the wall across the way.

Spock automatically did his best to brace himself against the bulkhead, but he was still jarred when the phaser exploded on the outside of the ship. The shaking forced both he and Jim to the ground. They shook and rocked for a moment.

Then all was still.

The red alert was still going off in the background.

Jim’s comm started going off. “Captain! Bridge to Captain! Please come in!” Nyota’s voice called from the small device.

Jim answered it with his non-injured hand. “I’m alive, Uhura. As is Mr. Spock. What’s the damage to the ship?”

Uhura’s voice sounded relieved, to Spock. “Nothing major. Shields got most of it and are now down some percent. Some of the bridge crew were on chow rotation, so they aren’t here. When you called for the airtight hatches to be closed, that trapped a few of them in the mess hall. Medical isn’t reporting anything more serious than a broken bone or concussion. I have the conn at the moment because Mr. Sulu was going to eat.”

“Good to know,” Jim sighed. “Patch me to the helmsman.”

“Yes, sir.” She said. Spock pushed himself to his feet and reached out his non-injured hand to help Jim up. Jim took it gingerly. The cut on his hand wasn’t as severe as Spock’s, but Spock could feel the spike of pain that Jim felt when Spock took his hand.

This time the answering voice was the Vulcan helmsman, T’Renna. “Shields are down to seventy-five percent, captain. No major damage reported to the structure. Mr. Sulu is on the mess deck and has just sent a request to be, in his words, ‘freed’ when you have a chance.”

Now on his feet, Jim started to walk to the turbolift, Spock right behind him. Jim quirked a smile at the request of Mr. Sulu. “Tell him that we’ll be there shortly,” Jim said into the communicator then he turned it off and waved at Spock. “Come’on Spock. Let’s go free the crew. These doors will be annoying as hell to unseal.”

Spock nodded. He was aware of how difficult the airtight doors might be. Effective for preventing explosive decompression and for that reason, difficult to open.

“And Mr. Spock? Don’t think we’re not going to talk about what happened back there.” Jim said. He glanced back at Spock.

Spock nodded again. Jim raised his hand with his first two fingers extended. Spock responded, reaching out to touch Jim’s hand.

“Also, Mr. Spock, I like kissing you,” Jim said, and Spock felt his face go green slightly. 

When had Jim found out that what they are doing is kissing?

-

Hikaru was the ranking officer in the room.

He wasn’t used to that, nor had he expected it. But when the red alert had gone off, he had been in the main galley with a small crowd. Hikaru had been the last one to take a lunch break as he had the conn for this shift.  

The galley wasn’t crowded. It was the end of the mid-beta shift lunch rush. 

In addition to a handful security crewman, some of Scotty’s engineers and a few people in blue, there were a few ensigns in gold and one of other lieutenants. She’s one of McCoy’s nurses and not in the command division.

Those in Command get automatic seniority in situations like this.

So, it was up to him to keep not only his crewmen calm but also the guests too.

Which was proving difficult because the lead actress, Lenore Karidian, was freaking out. They were the largest group of people in the room.

“Please release us! I need to see to my father!” Karidian said. She was right in Hikaru’s space. She had run to him once the red alert was canceled asking to be let out of the sealed mess.

She had started to freak out when he said no.

“As I’ve said, twice, Miss Karidian, I can’t. I can’t release the lever from the inside. It’s a defense mechanism to prevent accidental decompression. Someone from the outside will be able to free us. It may take a few moments.” Hikaru said in his most diplomatic tone. She just won’t believe him.

“Are you sure?” She asked, finally taking a step back and pouted. Hikaru wondered why she even was bothering with trying to act cute. It was pretty blatant that he was gay and in a relationship. He was wearing his wedding ring for goodness sake! Maybe she couldn’t stop. It could be an ingrained behavior. She did spend a lot of time chasing after the captain despite the captain’s utter lack of interest.

Hikaru nodded. “Yes. I’m sure. I’ve already contacted the bridge. Someone is coming now.”

“If you are sure…” she said, trailing off.

“I am, Miss Karidian. Now let me attend to my crewmates, and I’ll be by to check up on you later.” Hikaru said, waving a hand at the nurse who was helping one of the crewmembers who had fallen badly in the explosion that shook the ship.

Karidian looked over and nodded. “Of course, Mr. Sulu.” She started to reach out to touch him on the shoulder, but Hikaru stepped back. He didn’t want to encourage her to flirt with him more. He didn’t like when anyone flirted with him. Other than Ben of course, but that was another matter altogether. He had never been comfortable when people flirted with him.

Karidian frowned, but Hikaru was already walking away. He left the actress behind and went to see Nurse Chapel.

Chapel had set up a triage and treatment area near the door so when they could leave the injured could be the first ones to be evacuated.

Hikaru came up and waited until she finished wrapping a patient’s arm in a splint.

Once she was done with that, he asked her the status of the injured.

“I’ve got several lacerations from various knives and other utensils, three broken arms and one broken leg. I’ve got one that might be a serve sprain or might be a twisted ankle, but I won’t know until later.” Chapel said. She smiled up at Hikaru, moving her blonde hair out of her face. “We’re not in any danger of dying, but I’m still glad for Dr. McCoy’s instance that every room has a basic medical kit.”

Hikaru chuckled and nodded. “I agree. Like, how many times have we needed to use one?”

“It’s been a lot.” Chapel agreed. “are any of the actors in need of my help?” she asked looking over at the only people not in Starfleet uniform. They had all huddled into a corner with Lenore Karidian standing over them talking with one of the enormous stagehands.

Hikaru shook his head, “No. All they have are some bruises. They are concerned about getting out but other than that…”

“I wonder what happened?” Chapel asked. She sat on one of the benches and looked at the door. “I mean, I heard what the captain called, but I wonder if everything is alright.”

Hikaru flushed slightly. “I’ve spoken to the bridge. Sorry, forgot to tell you. Everyone is fine. The captain and Mr. Spock got the phaser outside of the ship in enough time that exploded outside our shields.”

Chapel looked relieved. “I’m so glad. I hate for the ship to be damaged on its first run out. It's terrible enough that both Chekov and Riley were hurt." 

Hikaru agreed. Starfleet might have problems if that happened. And he really didn’t want to lose his command team if things went wrong that majorly.

"Are they ok? I haven't been able to go to med bay to check on Chekov." Hikaru asked. He had heard that They would both live, but Chapel was the attending nurse. She would tell him the truth. 

Chapel nodded, "they will be. Riley will be kept in medical for another day or so, just to make sure that everything will be alright but Chekov will be released as soon as he wakes up and is checked over by Doctor McCoy." 

Hikaru laughed, "He may not want to leave." Chapel gave him an amused glance. Pasha's crush was visible to everyone but McCoy. 

"I don't think that Doctor McCoy will want to let him either." Chapel said smiling. "I think that Chekov is starting to get his attention." She turned her eyes out to the rest of the rec room. The rest of the crew was settling down to wait to be freed. Hikaru hoped it would be soon. The pained expressions on many of his crew's faces reflected his own. 

The comm near the door chirped. Not an open channel, but a direct line to the mess. Hikaru stood and rushed over to the unit. 

“Sulu here!” he said when he arrived at the door, pressing the open channel button. 

“It’s Kirk," Kirk’s voice said. “You called for a rescue, Sulu?”

Hikaru wasn’t the only one who felt a tremendous weight leave his shoulders when the captain’s voice came through the speakers of the comm. He looked around and saw that many of the crew were starting to smile and look far more relaxed then they had been for the last hour or so since the explosion.

Lenore Karidian looked up, and her eyes went wide. Her surprise was written over her face.  Sulu hadn’t realized how much she must really like Kirk if that is the way she reacted.

“I sure did, captain. It’s good to hear you! How long until you can get us out?” Sulu asked into the comm. He could hear metal scraping on the other side of the doorway. Some of the metal rods and sealing gaskets coming undone.

He also could faintly hear Mr. Spock on the other side talking to Kirk.

Good to know that they both survived.

The crew started to make their wait to the doorway and Sulu was started to feel crowded. Some of the actors came over as well. 

“About a minute, Mr. Sulu. We’ve also got a medical team here. Bones wants to know if Chapel is there with you.” Kirk asked as the sounds on the other side of the door got louder. Those who could walk were getting closer to the doorway, and Hikaru glared at them.

“Yes, she is. One moment sir, let me clear the way for the medical team.” Sulu said before he turned around and glared at the crowd. “If you aren’t injured then stay back. If you can walk then get behind those who can’t. Injured first!”

The crowd of crewman broke off to fall into place. The actors stayed just as close, but they did make a path for the medical team.

The door slid open, to reveal a dishevel Jim Kirk and a much more put together Mr. Spock.

“Hiya, Sulu,” Kirk said, as he walked in with the medical team right behind him. The team made a beeline right for Chapel. Chapel immediately started to give directions to the team and get the injured to the med bay.

“Hello, captain. What took ya?” he asked, grinning at the man before him.

Kirk smiled right back and said, “Got stuck dealing with a problem in my rooms. I’ll tell you all about it later.” He said waving a hand to dismiss the question. 

Hikaru nodded. He understood what Kirk wasn’t saying. This wasn’t the proper place to explain.  But there was something to tell.

Hikaru had known something was going on. Kirk had been far too cautious around food for anyone on the alpha shift bridge crew to be happy about. That was a sign that something was amiss. McCoy had given them all a look that said roll with it. The whole bridge crew had always known something was up with how Kirk eats. But none of them felt like they could ask about it.

Since about a week before they left Yorktown, since the night of that play, when Kirk had freaked out about letting his crew go back to the ship without him or a proper escort, he had been freaking out. It was only when Hikaru and Ben had said they would walk the crewmen back to the enterprise did Kirk calm down.

With the attack on Pasha and Riley, the whole ship had been on unofficial high alert. And someone still tried to attack their captain.

What the hell.

“Sir,” Hikaru said, “The medical teams are taking the injured. Can we help the rest of the crew?” He gestured to the others in the room.

Kirk nodded. “Please do. I’ll talk to the guests and then I’ll need you to head up to the bridge as soon as you can.”

Hikaru nodded. He could do that.

“Captain,” Spock said, holding his comm unit up. “I have been asked for in one of the labs. May I be excused to rescue them?”

Kirk started to laugh. Hikaru did too. The hapless science officers who were stuck in the labs must be panicking. He spared a thought for the botany lab and decided that he wanted to check on them in a few hours after he gets off the bridge.

“Go ahead, Mr. Spock. I’ll head down to medical at some point soon for my hand. I think you should as well.” Kirk said.

Hikaru glanced down and saw that both of their hands were cut. McCoy would have their heads if they didn’t get that fixed.

“I will, sir,” Spock said and as he turned and left he reached out and touched Kirk’s hand. Kirk smiled at Spock and didn’t take his hand away.

Hikaru wanted to yell in happiness. Maybe these two would finally get together. The last few months had been exciting to watch, but now the crew was ready for them to stop dancing around each other and make a move already.

Then after that maybe Pasha could finally do something concrete about his crush on McCoy.  A crush that might be starting to be reciprocated, based on the questions that McCoy was asking last night before the play and the sheer panic that had played across McCoy’s face when he realized that it was Pasha calling for a medical emergency, before being quickly hidden by the doctor’s best professional look.

Also if Chapel said the Doctor was interested, then it won't take much to push them together. 

Kirk walked off to talk to the guests and Hikaru watched as Lenore Karidian attempted to get his more than professional interest. She was failing.

Hikaru spent the next twenty minutes or so organizing the crewmen into teams to help free the rest of the ship. There wasn’t much left to open back up, but his teams would render assistance. He sent his teams off as Kirk broke off from the actors.

“I’m going to heading to the med bay then I’ll be up at the bridge,” Kirk told him.  Hikaru nodded. And Kirk left.

McCoy would have a field day if Kirk didn’t get there soon.  Hikaru hoped that Pasha hadn’t been released from med bay yet. Maybe that would sway the doctor’s annoyance.

The actors haven’t left yet. So once the medical teams and the crewmen leave he’s the only member of Starfleet on the room.

Hikaru looks around and is stopped by Lenore Karidian.

“Mr. Sulu. I have a question. Could you help me? I need you do something for me.” She said.

“Yes, miss Karidian? What is it?” Hikaru said coming up to her group of people.

He’s grabbed by two large stagehands. They wrapped their hands around his chest and arms and held him still.

Lenore smiled. It wasn’t beautiful nor was it sweet. Her smile was a mean, cruel look. The look in her eyes was insane. “I need to get onto the bridge. You are going to help me.”

The stagehands hadn’t covered his mouth, so Hikaru snapped back, “Never!”

“You don’t have a choice. You have allied yourself with liars, Mr. Sulu. And I’m going to prove it.” She said. Lenore reached into her pocket and pulled out a civilian hypospray. It was a smaller than the ones McCoy uses, just one dose. “By using the truth!”

One of the Guards reached out and exposed Hikaru’s neck. Hikaru was still fighting and trying to get free, but these men were huge.

Lenore injected him with the hypospray. Hikaru fought, but he couldn’t stop it.

Once she was done, she stepped back and smiled. This time is being more beautiful looking. Calmer. The insanity in her eyes hadn’t changed. “Now, Mr. Sulu. Tell me the codes to the bridge?  I want to get up there.”

“Seven two seven eight golf foxtrot zero one,” Hikaru said before he even took a full breath. Hikaru felt his eyes widen because he actually answered. He gave the woman his crew codes to the bridge.

And he couldn’t stop himself. 

He kept on talking. “That’s my code. I’m due for a new one soon. Rotating codes for security purposes. Not that it matters if you just take it from me. Why can’t I stop talking? What did you do? Stop, stop! I need to stop. Why can’t I stop.” Hikaru bit his lips in an effort to slow his speech. 

It failed. 

Lenore laughed. “I didn’t realize this would work so well. It’s a good back up plan. Thank you, team.” She said looking around at the people watching the events. 

The actors and stagehands looked delighted to have helped. They looked at Lenore like she was the light of the world. 

One of the stagehands hold him, an immense alien who's species Hikaru didn't know smiled at Lenore. "Anything for you and your father, Miss Karidian." 

Lenore smiled sweetly back. "I'm so happy. Now let's take the bridge and bring justice to the federation." 

The actors stood, and Hikaru was forced to the door. He was still trapped by two stagehands and was still talking. 

Lenore turned back to him. "Mr. Sulu, was it? Thanks so much in advance for your assistance." 

Hikaru _hated_ her.

“I hate you so much right now I can’t even describe it. It’s in my bones because you are using me to hurt the ship and I can’t even –“ Hikaru said as he was dragged away. 

He fought the entire time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Know, another cliffhanger but I couldn't help it! 
> 
> I hope I have the next chapter out sooner then this one got edited and put out, but I can't promise anything. But I'll do my best.
> 
> Tell me how you like it! Once again I'm on Tumblr at asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon! :D


	5. The Room Where It Happens

_Jim wasn’t looking forward to this call._

_He had lived in the tiny barracks room in a building on the Starfleet Academy’s campus for three weeks now, and she still didn’t know. He really needed to make this call._

_But before now, he hadn’t had a chance to do it alone. If he wasn’t in class getting challenged for the first time in years, then Bones was in the room studying like crazy. For all his bluster and sever fear of flying, Bones really wanted to make it into space._

_Bones was on his first rotation at Starfleet medical tonight, so Jim was in the clear. Apparently, Starfleet medical had literally tripped over themselves to get Bones into the rotation when he showed them his records. Now, instead of having to do five years at the academy, earning a medical degree for the first time like many of the other medical cadets, all McCoy had to was the officers’ training and the Xeno-medical classes._

_He would graduate with Jim if Jim managed to graduate in three years._

_Bones wouldn’t be back tonight, Jim knew. He would also sleep like a log when he got back to the room._

_Jim could make this call without interruptions._

_That was both a good thing and a bad thing._

_Jim didn’t realize until he met Bones how lonely he was. It was just him wondering around Riverside and his old house trying to convince himself that he was better off living a small life and not reaching for the stars. Jim had himself half believing it to when he met Pike._

_Before it was no question that Jim would make this call alone. Now, Jim really wants the other man here.  Bones had changed his life when he sat next to Jim on that transport. The man was steady and unable not to call bullshit on everything. Bones especially liked to call Jim's bullshit. He wanted his best friend. Bones believed in him. They connected. It was hard to imagine staying in Starfleet without Bones._

_He hadn’t a best friend in years. Not since before Tarsus._

_And despite Jim’s desire to have Bones beside him, he was going to make this call alone._

_He needed to stay goodbye to the kid he was back in Iowa. She needed a chance to do say goodbye as well._

_He called to Starfleet communications. They would get him a video link with her ship. It wouldn’t be an official call but a personal one between two Starfleet officers._

_It took nearly half an hour before the woman at Starfleet communications came on the screen with the news that he would be connected._

_A moment of the screen with just Starfleet’s seal then Jim’s mother’s face filled the screen._

_“Jim? What’s going on? Why are you calling...on a Starfleet line?” her voice rose a bit when she saw the credentials on the screen. Jim knew what she was looking at because they were using the same system. This was the first time that had happened._

_She looked older than she had on the last time he had seen her, about three years ago. She had stayed after tarsus for nearly a year before she was needed to go back to the stars._

_Starfleet was calling, and her soul just didn't let her stay grounded. Winona was always looking up at the night sky, and her expression was of longing._

_Jim had never resented that feeling because they were both made out of the same stuff. They were both meant for the stars. Not that he admitted that when she left. He had just waved her off and declared his intent to stay on Terra. That he wasn't planning on leaving Riverside, ever. That he was happy where he was._

_Winona had given him a long look that said she didn't believe him but didn't comment._

_He had received and sent messages, but due to her mission with Starfleet, his mother was never able to talk to him directly like his before. Now that he was in Starfleet, had access to their communications systems legally, and was able to speak to her live, there was nothing to going to stop him expect his own nerves._

_“Hi, mom,” he said. He was just in the under blacks that were Starfleet standard. He was still wearing the cadet red pants, but he had taken off the bright red blouse. The under blacks were a very protection from things that Starfleet saw in space and looked just like a t-shirt. His mother had no visible clues of what he had done. “I’m good. More than good. I’m doing great actually.”_

_She looked at curiously. “Then what’s up? And again, why are you calling from a Starfleet line?”_

_Jim looked down and took a deep breath. “I’m calling from a Starfleet line because I joined Starfleet.”_

_There was a full minute of silence from his mom._

_“What?” she asked. “You did WHAT?”_

_Jim expected anger. He assumed the surprise. He planned to be disowned, for lying or something._ _After the shit that had gone down with his mother’s ex-husband, (Who Jim punched when he got back from Tarsus and his mother did not stop him and in fact joined in) and Jim's own determination to keep himself grounded after Tarsus despite the trapped feeling he always had; Jim expected a lot._

_“You joined Starfleet?! When! And WHY! I thought you hated Starfleet? You didn’t want to join!” his mother said, eyes wide with surprise. She had gone white. "You were quite loud about how much you did not want to leave RIverside!"_

_Jim responded to each question. “Yes, I did join, three weeks ago. I’m at the academy. As for why… I’m tired of being lost, mom.” He was still sitting stiffly in his chair. “I was tired of Riverside. I was tired of the trapped feeling I always had. I was tired of thinking that I could convince myself that small town life was what I wanted or needed. I was tired of looking at the night sky and knowing that I looked like you." Jim took a deep breath and smiled._

_"I am tired of keeping my boots on the ground when I need to be in the black. I know I’ve only been in Starfleet for a hot minute, but I think this is exactly where I need to be,” he said, knowing he looked happier then he had in years._

_“…You’re already talking like you’re one of us.” Winona said. “like you’re a crewman on a ship.”_

_Jim smiled. “Yeah. Well, they don’t pull any punches here, ma.”_

_“No, they don’t, Jimmy. They really don’t. I thought you hated Starfleet?” She asked. Even from across the solar system, her ship was in orbit over Jupiter helping to build a large relay station on one of the moons, Jim could tell she was still confused._

_“No, I didn’t, that was Sam who hated Starfleet. I never cared. I just thought I wasn't meant to leave earth again. When Chris Pike challenged me to do better and to get here, well I didn’t look back.” Jim told her. He had never hated Starfleet, his brother did. His brother had always blamed Starfleet for their father's death and their mother's absence._

_Jim never did._

_Chris Pike’s dare was enough to make him realize that Jim was tired of being lost and wondering, he was tired of not being challenged. He was tired of the life he was living._

_He needed more. The universe was far too big for him not to explore it. And Chris Pike was the one who had a ticket out to the black._

_Jim never will regret this choice._

_"Chris Pike gave you a challenge? ha! He already has you figured out doesn't he?" Winona laughed. She was getting color back into her face again. "I wasn't sure that you would ever leave that town."_

_Jim nodded. "Neither was I."_

_They were both silent for a moment._

_“James. Is this what you really want?” his mother asked. She looked at him with an expression she had never given him before. It was one-part Starfleet officer, one-part mother, and two parts Winona Kirk._

_Jim looked back, his gaze steady, and her expression shifted to something softer, more just his mother than anything else. He guessed that she saw something in his eyes that said something similar. One-part Starfleet officer, one-part son, and two parts James T. Kirk._

_“Yes. I haven't been challenged like this before, mom. I’ve never had so much fun.” Jim said seriously. “It’s been fun arguing with professors about shit.”_

_And it made his mother burst out laughing. “I don’t think Chris Pike expected this when he found you. Take them by storm.”_

_Jim smirked. This smirk was apparently his father’s smirk. He had been told that by about fifty high ranking officers in the last three weeks, “They don’t know what hit them.”_

_Winona laughed. “They never do. I’ve got to go soon, Jim. We’re about to leave orbit now. The engines are starting to warm up. First though, tell me what division.”_

_“I’m going to be a gold shirt, ma. I’ve got command in my blood if you believe the bullshit they keep telling me.” Jim said. He wasn’t going to be able to wear the uniform yet, not for another three years but he will be in gold, and he will be in command._

_“It is bullshit. But I’m proud of you for this choice. Going to worry like hell now that I know you’re coming out here but I don’t know if that’s going to be worry for you or worry for the universe.” She said, the picture going a little fuzzy around the edges. Jim tried to memorize her face; it had been a long time since he had seen her. It might be long before he can again.“I got to go. Be safe while you try to get to the black. Love you, Jimmy.”_

_“Love you too, mom,” Jim said and waved, and then her side of the connection was cut._

_Jim looked out of the tiny window that was on one wall of the building. The night stars were bright._

_James T. Kirk was born in space._

_He was going to the stars. He belonged to them._

_In the end, she had never resented that in him either._

_His mother understood._

_He was a child of the stars and keeping him grounded wasn’t something that will ever work._

_-_

Nyota slammed her hand down on the red alert button on the command chair when the turbolift doors opened.

She had half turned to see the lift, expecting Sulu to come back from the mess. He was the officer of the watch while Kirk was working on the results of the horrifying audio voice comparison Nyota had worked on just three hours ago. Now that she had dealt with a red alert and someone almost blowing up the captain, she was prepared for anything.  

Nyota hadn't asked why Anton Karidan sounded like a man called Kodos who ordered so many to their deaths. She found she really didn't want to know. 

But now Nyota knew she wished she had. Lenore Kaidan was on the bridge. 

Sulu was forced onto the bridge at phaser point. He was held by two huge people who held his arms, and one of them held the phaser. 

Behind him, was about ten people. All of them from the Karidian players.

 Lenore Karidian was not the one holding the phaser at Sulu’s head, but she was the one who was giving the orders. The players all looked at her as if she was a god, desperate and awed. Lenore ignored her people as they spread out and moved away from the turbolift door. 

Lenore pointed the phaser in her hands at the bridge in a sweeping motion. She made sure to get everyone with the sight. Nyota just kept the pressure on the red alert button. 

“I am in control of this ship. Now, you are going to listen to me and maybe not everyone will get hurt. If everyone listens then only two, maybe three people will be dead.” Lenore said as she walked to the captain's chair. 

Nyota didn’t move from her place in the captain's chair. She just looked up at Lenore and glared. The moment that her hand left the button then the red alert would go off. But she didn’t want to let the actors know that.

“I want all of you to get to the floor,” Lenore said, pointing the phaser at each of them in turn again. She made eye contact with Nyota, and she grinned, feral and wild. “You first.” Lenore leaned over Nyota and pointed the phaser right at her. 

Nyota cursed internally. There went that plan. “Why should I do that?” She said, taking a page from Kirk’s book and trying to get them to talk. 

Lenore shifted slightly and fired the phaser past Nyota. The bolt narrowly missed Nyota’s ear. It hit one of the auxiliary science consuls behind her and caused it to go up in sparks. “I said, get down. I will not repeat myself again.”

Nyota knelt down trying to figure out what the hell was actually happening. She kept her hand on the button for as long as she could. 

Sulu had a cloth wrapped around his mouth, and he was struggling against the two-hulking people who were holding him still. Nyota could hear him cursing and talking nonstop. 

She could understand what was being said, even though the gag muffled sulu's voice. It was like Sulu was thinking out loud. Something about the roving guards being attacked and knocked unconscious and how much he hated Lenore. 

Lenore unquestionably had a plan. Nyota could see it in her body language. Lenore certainly had a plan, and Nyota didn't like the look in Lenore's eyes. The wild, cold look spoke of murder. Nyota had been in Starfleet for too long not to recognize that look. 

Nyota cursed, internally. She didn’t see a point in fighting Lenore. It would just get someone killed. 

She allowed her hand to slide off of the button and the red alert alarm sounded throughout the ship. It wasn't something anyone could ignore. 

She knew the crew would do what they did best in a red alert.

Lenore flinched when wail of the alarm sounded. She glared at Nyota and re-aimed the phaser. 

At the same time, the new Vulcan helmsman, Nyota thought her name was T’Renna, leaped from her place at the helm and raced for Lenore. Nyota remembered Spock's face when he had attacked Kirk all those years ago. T'Renna looked similar. 

T'Renna got a good hit on Lenore before one of the actors, a stocky but tall alien, got to T’Renna and pulled her off of Lenore. 

He wrestled T’Renna down to the ground. T’Renna fought and got several good hits in, causing the alien at least one broken bone and two black eyes before she couldn’t move the alien off of her.

Lenore laughed at the attempt, despite her cheek bleeding and the bruise already starting to show on her cheek, “Anyone else wants to try anything?” she asked over the red alert. 

When no one other then T'Renna tried to move, she smiled and yelled, “Now get to the floor! Do what I say, you pieces of machines, and maybe she’ll be the last one to get hurt.”

Lenore pointed the phaser at T’Renna and Nyota cried out as Lenore stunned T’Renna.

-

Scotty had barred the doors to the engineering spaces. Keenser was at the auxiliary control station was quickly putting the ship’s engines out of warp.

The red alert didn’t have any information on it. It didn't come with a data push with a report. 

Red alerts always had information. It may be a line or two, but there was some information. (One memorable time there was a single word ‘Klingons!’) That was Kirk’s rule. The alarm would sound, and then the information from the bridge would be sent to the nearest console. Kirk always reasoned that you couldn't fight or defend against something you don’t know you exist.

Lack of information from the bridge during a red alert only happened when something grave occurred on the bridge. Kirk’s standing orders were that in the event of a red alert with no information they were to get out of warp as soon as possible. Kirk didn't want to be the reason why some hostile force got the federation's best ship nor did he want to lose the rest of the crew if the bridge was gone because the Enterprise didn't know where she was going. 

What made Scotty bar the doors to engineering, wasn't the red alert. It was the phaser fire alert that had gone off just before the red alert and was now going off at the same time. The two alarms were intermingled and were very disorienting. The sirens never went off in the room where the phaser had fired, but they did go off in several key locations. Security, axillary control, the bridge, med bay, and engineering.

The data push with the phaser fire alarm said that it came from the bridge. Scotty and Keenser had exchanged a glance in the heartbeat before the red alert went off. Then they and their engineering officers and crewmen exploded into movement. Scotty had his team trained very well; they knew what to do. 

Keenser waved to get his attention and Scotty went over to axillary control. Axillary control had serval screens that ran the security cameras. The Security ensign that had been on duty was standing to the side of the consul. He looked panicked but determined. 

"I can't get the comm to work, Scotty." the ensign said. he held up the silent comm. "I need to see what the rest of security is doing. and I can't contact them!" 

Scotty frowned and took the comm before looking to the console. What had they done to knock out the internal comm system?

On one of the Security screens, he could see that a group of about ten people, all of them part of the civilians the enterprise was playing taxi for,  were heading toward their location.  On another, Scotty could see into the bridge. He could see that actress that had been bothering the captain at dinner a week ago holding a phaser. She was pointing it at Nyota who was laying on the floor near the captain’s chair.

Scotty’s blood ran cold. He prayed that Nyota wasn't hurt, that she was just stunned. He had to protect the ship, but he wanted desperately to get to Nyota’s side. He had to do something to help save her.

Keenser smacked his side. “Pay attention!” he said. Keenser was a man of few words, but those he did say were important. Keenser pointed to the screen, and Scotty saw Nyota shift and look up to the camera. She glared at it in warning, like she knew that Scotty was planning something that wouldn’t end up helping.

The relief he felt was tremendous. Nyota was capable of moving. She would survive.

He turned his attention back to the group of people that were heading his way. Keenser waved two other crewmen over and pointed. Then he held up two fingers.

The crewmen nodded and disappeared into the depths of engineering. Scotty could hear them call for one of the experimental tool boxes that Scotty, Chekov, and Kirk had built one night when talking about the security in engineering. 

Scotty didn’t smile at the exchange, but it was a near thing. His team knew each other very well, and with that knowledge came communication. The team understood that Keenser wanted more information. His crewmen were going into the vents.

They would hold up here and fight to protect the engines if need be. This wasn’t going to be like Krall’s men, who broke into the engines before Scotty could have a chance to stop them. Scotty wasn't the only one who had wished that had never happened. 

Scotty wanted some of Jaylah’s security features. Scotty made a mental note to ask Jayla some ideas when he got a chance.  That would be handy in protecting them all. She had been good at them. He knew that she would be on the ship by the time they got back to earth in three years, but until then he would just have to deal. 

He would merely have to get some ideas from her when they talked next, not that she could help them now. 

Scotty frowned at the screen, ten people. Eight of them human, one Andoridan and one Scotty didn’t know the race of. All of them carrying non-Starfleet issue phasers. 

How the hell did they get that on board, Scotty thought angrily.

Scectury requires that every guest is searched at least once!

Another mystery for later.

He’s got engines to protect and a ship to help save. 

Scotty took once last glance at the screen with Nyota on it. He took a deep breath. He trusted her. She could do this. So could he. 

-

Being trapped in the rec room with Yeoman Rand and three other crewmen, two science officers and one security guard who was on the roving watch wasn't something Pavel wanted to with his leave. 

Len had ordered Pavel on precautionary medical leave, and Len had been very strict about not letting Pavel onto the bridge. 

Pavel had, of course, fought but Len had pulled the 'I'm CMO and what I say goes.' look. Pavel liked that look a lot, and if it meant that Len wasn't angry with him, then Pavel would listen. 

He had wandered into the rec room because he was bored. And being bored made his minor headache turn into a major one. Len had been apologetic, but they couldn't treat a migraine caused by concussion because medical lacked the right drugs right now. This was supposed to be a quick trip, so the medbay wasn't fully stocked. Pavel imagined that Someone at Yorktown was about to be yelled at. 

He had been talking to Rand when the red alert went off. Red should have overturned the medical leave. 

So he was surprised when the red alert went off, and Pavel didn’t get an immediate recall to the bridge from his comm, he knew that they were in trouble.

When, less than a heartbeat later, two actresses carrying phase rifles came in, Pavel revised his assumption from ‘in trouble’ to ‘deep shit.'

The taller of the two actresses, waved her pistol around, yelling, “Get down! And stay there!”

Pavel didn’t have more time then gesture to the roving guard that they should hide their weapon. They had looked at him and nodded. The guard, who’s species doesn’t have gender, hid their phaser away.

Pavel really wished he was on the bridge and had more than just his comm unit on him. Maybe he could have done something then. Between the eight of them, they had only one phaser. Slowly he dropped to the floor between Rand and the roving guard. The others crewmembers followed his lead. 

Once they were all on the floor, the actress split up. One continued to point her phaser at the crew while the other went to the door and pulled out a comm unit.  

Pavel was thinking fast. How can he make this situation work out?

There were two actresses, with much better phasers, who were keeping aim at them. The phasers they held were a civilian type and very powerful.  The crew didn't have much and Pavel would rather die before letting the crew get hurt without a plan. 

Having a phaser ready would help, but Pavel knew the actors outgunned them even if he had a phaser. 

Pavel let his mind go through all the possibilities. They had to do something.

Rand glanced at him and twitched her hand to get his attention. Pavel looked over, and she pointed to the padd and the bag she had still wrapped around her body. 

The yeomen on the Enterprise weren't trained how to fight. They were trained in damage control. The Enterprise relied on its administrative staff to help fix the small problems that came up in a battle. From patching burst pipes to applying temporary plaster to bulkheads that have cracks, the yeomen did all of that. The whole idea was that it relieved the pressure on the engineers and made sure that all hands were helping in the safe run of the ship. 

Rand had a small kit on her person at all times while on duty.  Pavel kept his face pointed away from the actresses because he was now starting to smile. Those bags are perfect for fixing the ship in emergency situations other than decompression. Decompression was something that wasn’t fixable by one person and needed the ship’s power to repair.

Pavel hid a grin. Pavel could work with that kit. Oh, the things that Pavel could do with that kit. 

One of the science officers started to cry loudly, and that startled Pavel. He looked over and saw that male science officer was distracting the actresses. Rand slid her bag to him. Pavel took it and hid it behind his back.

He was going to get them out of here.

No matter the cost to himself.

-

Jim was in med bay with the phaser fire alert went off. Then about twenty seconds later the red alert went off.

He jumped to his feet and off of the bed. He ignored the nurse who was treating his hand. There were only minor scrapes left. Bones was fluttering over Kevin, who had just woken up. 

Four people on the ship and the authorization to call a Red Alert: the person holding the conn, Jim, Spock, and Scotty. He raced to the doors of med bay, and when the doors didn’t open, Jim tried to open them manually at the keycode panel next to the door.

Scotty, Jim knew was in engineering. He had reported in just after Jim and Spock had gotten the phaser out of the ship. Spock should be in a lab. He shouldn't be anywhere where he could call a red alert.

Sulu should have had the conn... if he had left the mess hall, if not then it was Uhura who held the conn. Neither of them would have called a red alert without letting him know.

The doors didn’t budge. Jim grabbed his comm out of his pocket, expecting to see information on the red alert. Something about why it was called. If this was a mistake, then an all-hands message should be on his screen. 

There wasn’t any.

But there was a notification of the phaser fire alert. Jim's comm read, UNAUTHORISED PHASER DISCHARGE. BRIDGE. ONE PHASE PISTOL DETECTED. 

But other than that the comm didn't have anything of value on it. Nor would it work when Jim attempted to call up to the bridge for more information.

And as Jim was staring at his unresponsive comm unit, Jim knew that his ship, his people, his family and home were in trouble.

“Jim.” Bones said as he came up to Jim’s side. He already had a medical tricorder strung over his chest and was holding a padd, “Jim, what’s going on? We need some information. None got sent here. Something wrong with the system?” Behind Bones, Jim saw Nurse Chapel grab an emergency medical kit for phaser wounds. 

Jim shook his head. "I've got nothing either, Bones. Just the phaser fire alert," he paused. "Bones, it was on the bridge." 

"Shit, Jim." 

“I know, Bones. I need to get to the bridge.” Jim said, already looking around at who was in the med bay. Chapel had returned with the med teams before Jim had gotten there. There were a few other nurses. Bones was the only doctor on duty. Kevin was in one of the beds, trying to get up.

“Riley, sit your ass back down before I strap you down.” Bones growled, also catching sight of Kevin moving.

Kevin sank back into the bed, glaring angrily at Bones.

“How are you planning on getting out of here?” Bones asked, returning his attention to Jim. Jim didn’t think that his answer would make Bones very happy.

“Gonna hack it,” Jim said, kneeling down and popping open the keycode panel that was very rarely used. He started to pull wires. “Can I have a scalpel, Bones? I don’t carry a knife when I’m on ship.”

Jim carried a knife during shore parties, a small blade that was more of a multitool than anything else. But he had taken it off when he was in his room and didn’t see a point in grabbing it again. 

Bones handed a scalpel. “What are you going to do when you get up to the bridge?”

“I don’t know, Bones. Depends on what I find. If it’s just a mechanical accident, like Yorktown didn’t fix something, then I’ll deal with that then. If it’s someone on the bridge…. Well, we’ll see.” Jim said darkly, pulling a few wires and disconnecting others. His crew was professional. He was reluctant to believe that someone would press the red alert on accident.

Before Jim had a chance to continue, a voice came over the comm units on the walls and started speaking, “This is your new captain speaking! James T. Kirk, or should I call you  _Jimmy_? You and Mr. Kevin Riley, are needed on the bridge. I need to see the last of the hateful Tarsus nine. Your bridge crew might live if you get up here soon. If you don’t, well, it won’t go well for them. I’ve already stunned the one Vulcan. I can kill another. Get up here.”

Bones gasped. “That’s Lenore Karidian!”

Jim swore, dropping his tools and standing. “How did she get up there?” but his mind was already latching on to several facts. One, his crew was in fucking danger. Two, she had his bridge and obviously knew of Jim’s and Kevin’s time on Tarsus. Three, she had stunned a Vulcan.

Jim only had two Vulcans on his ship. Both of them could easily be on the bridge. Spock was known to check on the bridge at all hours of the day. He could have readily done so before going to a lab to work. And if Jim remembered the crew rotations, this was T’Renna’s shift. She was the helmsmen right now.

Jim forced that thought away.

It didn’t matter in the end who was injured. Jim had to do something.

He had to get to the bridge.

“I don’t know, Jimmy. But if she’s up there then so is her father! You can’t let Kodos have this ship!” Bones yelled, turning to look at him with a frown. The entire medbay could hear him.

“Kodos?” Kevin said weakly from his place on the bed on the other side of the room. 

"Damn it, Bones," Jim muttered. Bones looked regretful but said nothing. 

Jim knew that this wasn’t the place to have this conversation. There were too many people around. But it would have to do. He had a time limit and a ship to save.  “How does she know that we are the last?”

Jim walked away from the door and to Kevin’s side. “Yes. Kodos. I think the reason we’re bothered by that actor is …” Jim trailed off. 

“…because that actor is Kodos. But that can't be! Wasn’t he dead? Jimmy, I thought he was dead.” Kevin said, finishing Jim’s sentence. He was growing angry.

“So, did I, Kevin,” Jim said. but he didn’t get a chance to respond with more.

“I’m going with you, Jimmy,” Kevin said, pushing himself up. He coughed right after speaking. “I’ve got too!”

Jim looked at him and then glanced at Bones. Bones, who was going from his usual scowl to something far angrier, was shaking his head as he walked over from the doorway. 

The medbay was still very full after the explosion from the overloaded phaser. Jim was aware of ever one of the extra eyes watching this whole incident. Jim was also sure that his crew was a bunch of geniuses and they would ultimately put together what Lenore said about the Tarsus Nine and the reason why She would ask for both him and Kevin. 

“Kid, you can barely stand. You can’t breathe. You aren’t going anywhere!” Bones snapped, coming up the bed and using the tricorder to check Kevin over. "Not unless I say so!" 

Kevin glared at Bones. “I have to go!”

“Kev. It’s my choice.” Jim said. Kevin wasn’t going to like what Jim was going to say, but in the end, Kevin would have to listen. Bones frowned but nodded. Jim wasn’t going to override Bones. “I can’t bring you.”

Kevin turned to Jim. “Please let me go with you!” he said completely ignoring what Jim said, “T’Renna’s up there.”

“T’Renna?” Jim said. He had known that Kevin and that Ensign T’Renna were close. It was pretty obvious honestly, but he didn’t think that it was this close.

“I can’t have that monster hurt her,” Kevin said. “He killed my family. And now that I’m thinking about it, he killed tom and the others, too, didn’t he?!” Kevin made it to his feet, trying to push past Jim and Bones. “I won’t let that stand!”

He stumbled, and Jim caught him. Bones pulled Kevin back down to bed.

Jim shook his head. “Catching Kodos won’t bring back your family.” He said repeating what Bones told him a few days ago.

Kevin frowned. “I know that. but I won’t let my past hurt my future!” he said, coughing.

“T’Renna’s your future?” Jim asked. Kevin refused to answer that, but he flushed red, slightly. It may be from his coughing, but the somewhat guilty expression that stole its way across Kevin’s face made it clear that it wasn’t. 

Jim realized that he wasn’t the only person to fall for a Vulcan on this ship.

But it didn’t change his answer. “No, Kevin. I need people who can move without coughing.”

“Jim!” Kevin started to protest then Jim turned and glared at him. It was his captain’s glare. One that he developed and let his crew know that Jim wasn’t playing around anymore. Kevin nodded and sat lied down fully. “Yes, sir.”

“Good.” Jim nodded back. “I’m going to get his door open. Then I’m heading to the armory or labs or something. Bones, we need to get a few phasers in here. For defense.”

Bones followed Jim as he went back to the door. “No weapons in Sickbay!”

Jim reached the panel and tried his best to make the door unlock.

-

Spock was sure that he was never leaving Jim’s side after this.

Because to quote McCoy, ‘This was getting ridiculous.’

Not half an hour after Spock left Jim after an attempt on Jim’s life, the red alert goes off, and no one has any idea why. No one can get the bridge to respond to any hails. 

Nor were any of their comms working. All Spock had was a message of an unauthorized phaser discharge on the bridge. Spock had a heart-pounding moment of fear that Jim had been hurt before logical thought remind him that his mate was in the medical bay. Not on the bridge. He could feel Jim's well-being in the back of his mind. 

Spock is not one for suspicion, but he knows it has something to do with the attack on Jim's life and Karidian.

He is wrong about which Karidian although.

Spock was at the lab that specializes on chemical composition and how it affects the human body. Officially one of McCoy’s labs but as science officer, it fell under Spock’s jurisdiction most of the time. They were doing a full analysis of what had poisoned Mr. Riley.

The red alert had surprised them, but the science officers were quick to respond and pack up the experiments that could not be jarred or the dangerous ones. Spock had done a head count and then released them to their duty stations, slightly proud the reaction time of his people when he realized that they had no information.

That was very unusual.

He had released the crew to their emergency duty stations, but before even the last person got to the door, Lenore Karidian had come over the intra-ship comm system.  And demanded Jim’s presence on the bridge.

And suddenly he had a full lab again.

All three of his officers and both of the techs came back into the lab. They looked to him like they were waiting for orders. Spock saw anger in their eyes at someone who would dare try to take their ship and captain hostage.

Spock had gone to a station and pulled up a feed to the bridge. If the bridge wouldn't send them information, then it was up to them to get some. And Spock also needed to make sure that Jim was, indeed, no on the bridge. 

He hadn’t liked what he saw.

Mr. Sulu was being held up by two huge people dressed in black. He was gagged by a small cloth.   Nyota was on the floor, but she was still moving. T’Renna, the new Vulcan helmsmen, was also on the floor, but she was unmoving. The rest of the bridge was on their knees or flat on the floor, the people who were at the stations were members of the Karidian players.

What made him sneer, actually sneer, was Lenore Karidian, bruised and bleeding, in the captain’s chair; her feet were close to Nyota's face, and she didn't seem to care. She was playing with a phaser that was very similar to the one that nearly overloaded and blew up Jim’s room not an hour ago. A non-Starfleet issue phaser.

This woman was nearly the cause of his T’hy’la’s death!

This woman nearly killed Jim and was trying again.

As he watched, with his science officers, the turbolift door opened to reveal Anton Karidian, Kodos. 

Kodos seemed upset at something, shouting and waving his hands at the bridge. Lenore waved him off and didn’t move from the captain’s chair. Kodos took a step back eyes wide with shock, but he did not leave the bridge. 

Spock did not believe that Kodos knew anything about this plot. There was no sound with the video. For the audio to be enabled someone would need to key the correct personal code from the navigator’s station, the communication station or the captain’s chair. But the body language was clear. Kodos didn’t know.

The players had the navigator on their knees off to the side. The helmsman, Ensign T’Renna, was apparently stunned, and Nyota would not comply. Mr. Sulu was the one that Spock had to watch.

Sulu had been talking nonstop since Spock had turned on the video, despite the fact he was gagged. his lips and jaw kept on moving around the cloth. While Spock could not understand what was being said, he could only figure that Sulu had been drugged. Spock suspected that Sulu was not happy about the situation. He kept on trying to fighting anyone who got near, struggling against the guards that held him. He would kick out and twist often. 

“Ensign,” Spock said to an officer near him, not looking away from screen. The ensign jumped. “What drugs might cause a person to speak without stopping despite their obvious reluctance but does not control the body?”

The ensign paused for a moment and thought about it. Then she rattled off a list of ten different compounds and natural ingredients. “And that’s just the known ones, sir. We’re don’t know everything about every planet we have discovered or allied with.”

Spock nodded. He thought so himself. “Start a work up on all the compounds. If any are similar to what poisoned Mr. Riley then focused on that. Type, location, etc. I’ll get a blood sample as soon as I can.”

The science officers nodded and dispersed among the stations they had just packed up. The five of them working seamlessly to get the lab back in order.

Now Spock could turn back to finding Jim and never leaving his side.

Ever.

Again.

Spock closed his eyes and followed that faint knowledge that he always had about Jim recently.

He followed that link and walked about the door toward the med bay.

-  
Bones didn’t fight hard when Jim said that he needed Bones’ skill with a phaser more than his need of a doctor.

Not that Bones had a lot of that skill, but he could point and aim decently. Marksmanship was required by the academy, no matter who joined and what their track.

He didn’t fight too hard against Jim because his med bay and patients were in danger.  

Chapel had brought in two security guards, one with a severely twisted ankle and another with a deep cut from a knife that he had received when the ship rocked. Jim had confiscated their phasers.

They only had the two.

Jim had already pulled up the security camera feed from the bridge and the hallway leading to the med bay. Bones could see an Andorian and a human guarding the doors of the turbolift just down the hall. He could also see the stunned bodies of at least five crewmen and two officers spread out just around the door and the corner of the hallway.

One of the damage control parties, Bones guesses.

Jim had quickly run through the general spaces on the camera feed before returning to the camera in the hallway. 

Engineering was barred off. Apparently by choice looking at the doorway and Scotty’s and Keener’s frantic movements and directions. 

The mess was empty. 

The gym had a large group of security in physical fitness uniforms looking as if they were planning a jailbreak with just their fists. They had several of the Players with them. Every time Bones saw one of the actors or their stagehands they had a phaser on their person. 

When Jim got to the rec room, Bones felt his heart stop for a moment. Chekov was there. A small group of them had been forced to the floor by two women with large phasers. As Bones watched, a man joined the two Players. Pavel seemed to be doing something with his hands behind his back whenever the three captors were busy.

Bones prayed that Pavel would be alright. Maybe if they live through this, then he would do something about the interest that Pavel has sparked. That craving Bones had deep in his heart to spend more time with him and talk to Pavel. Pavel was impressive as seventeen-year-old, but as a twenty-one-year-old, he had grown into his position and carried himself in a way that just pulled at Bones attention. Bones was fully aware that he hadn’t felt his way since his ex-wife, but he wasn’t going to stop it. He thinks that he might be finally ready to move on.

“Jim, the phasers they are using… they aren’t Starfleet.” Bones said as Jim returned the screen to the hallway right outside of the med bay. Bones pushed away from the thought of Pavel.  Bones instead watched the crewmen on the floor. If they had been stunned with Starfleet issue, then they would already be waking up. And Bones knew the crewmembers were only stunned. Phasers set to 'kill' leave a recognizable skin burn if the body survived at all.

Jim shook his head. “They aren’t. I think they are Orion in design. But I’m not sure. But they are definitely stronger than our phasers.”

Bones sighed. “’Kay then, let’s get ‘em.”

Jim handed him a phaser. Bones turned to Chapel and one of his nurses. “Once they are down, get the crewmen. I have a feeling that soon we’ll be getting calls from around the ship.”

Chapel nodded. “Yes, doctor.”

"When we get back I'm going to be yelling at Starfleet Medical for not giving a fully stocked medical before sending us out to the black." Bones muttered when he turned back to Jim. He hated not having everything he needed. 

Jim nodded. "I'll join you on that." 

Jim knelt at the door. He had almost finished the hardware hacking. “I don’t know what’s causing the communication blackout but not a camera blackout. And that’s pissing me off.”  He was muttering to himself. Bones ignored him. Jim would figure that out soon.

He instead checked the phaser. Starfleet standard issue. He’s fired them a hundred times. He just hated them.

Bones was a doctor dammit. Not a marksman.

“Doctor!” One of his nurses called. “The guys at the turbolift are heading this way!”

Bones looked up at the screen and saw the two people walking their way toward them. Well, it’s now or never.

Jim looked at the screen as well and then stood, “Come’on Bones. Let’s do this. This door is as ready as its ever going to be.” He paused for a moment then turned to the nurse. “Tell us when they get to the door.”

Riley was watching the whole situation unfold from his bed. Bones gave him one final glare before setting himself next to Jim.

Chapel waited for a long moment before she said, “Three… Two… “

Before she got to ‘one’ Jim pushed open the door and Bones turned and fired the phaser once. Jim shot once next to him.

Both of the people collapsed just in front of the door. The Andoridan, who was taller than Bones slumped down against the wall, while the human just collapsed.

Bones sighed and passed the phaser to Jim. He hated them.

He then singled for two of his nurses to come and help him load the players onto stretchers. He really hated to have done that, but honestly, it needed to be done.

“Up to the bridge with you?” Bones asked Jim. Jim nodded. He put the safety on the phaser and Bones visually checked Jim’s hand to see if the cut had reopened on his hand. It hadn’t, but it was close.

“Maybe. I’m going to give this to Kevin first,” Jim said, waving to the other phaser. He went back into the med bay. 

Bones could hear him tell Kevin that if he wanted to be useful, then he would have to be willing to protect the med bay.

Bones disagreed, but in times like this, he had learned not to fight. Usually, he lost anyway. Jim would pay for it later though. Riley was healthy enough to go even though he was still coughing of he took to long of a breath. 

Kevin agreed, and Jim reentered the hallway. He didn’t go straight to the turbolift though. He went to the comm unit on the wall. He prided it open and played with the wires. "If the bridge was the problem then if I bypassed it…" Bones heard him mutter. Bones just waited. It took a moment, but a cackle came thought.

“MedBay? Rec room to med bay? Is there anyone there?” a woman’s voice, Rand, possibly, (Bones didn’t know for sure) asked. She sounded slightly panicked. 

“Medbay!” Bones barked into the receiver, stepping closer. He leaned over Jim to press the comm bottom. 

Rand’s voice was relieved. “Can we get someone here to the Rec room? We’ve got injured, and I think one is a pretty bad concussion.”

Jim pushed away. “This one will work. Until I can get to the bridge, I can’t unlock the one in med bay directly. This is an old style one.” He whispered. “Good luck Bones.”

Bones nodded at him. Jim stepped away and pulled the phaser up. Jim dispersed into the turbolift. Bones heard Jim call out the deck three decks below the bridge.

He didn’t smirk. He had too much to do, but there was a particular science lab on that specific deck below the bridge.

He listened to Rand’s description of the injuries and reminded himself that they needed to train the yeomen better at medical triage and reporting. “Rand, right?” at her agreement he continued, “They can all walk. Get them down here. Do not take the turbolift! Let me talk to the concussed crewman first. I don’t want them in a Jeffries tube if it’s too bad.”

“Got it, doctor.” There was pause on the other end of the line and some shuffling.

Then, “Len? is that you?”

It was Pavel.

Shit. “Yes, Chekov, it's me.”

“I didn’t mean to get injured again. They hit me on the head. Too close to where I was hit yesterday. Sorry. I can’t let them have the crew.” Pavel said, and Bones winced. He wasn’t going to let Pavel out of his sight for at least twenty-four hours, maybe more than that. The thought occurred to him that he might be falling fast for someone will care for his ship just like Jim does. And that would totally hurt sometime in the future. 

The crew comes first. For the both of them. 

Bones had a job to do, and he needed to do it.   

-

Jim had taken off his Starfleet insignia and commutator and had left them outside the turbolift near med bay. They both had trackers embedded into them that the ship could track.

He didn’t know how much of the ship Lenore understood, but he was taking no chances.

Jim was going to get his ship back.

Right after he gets Spock. 

He felt a slight pull toward the third deck. Which Jim took to mean Spock is there on that floor. 

Over the past several days, he had noticed the pull toward Spock. And now that he was thinking about it, he had been feeling this pull for a while, over the last several months. Just in the past few days was it getting stronger.

The turbolift doors opened to the floor just below the bridge. The deck had three science labs and two damage control lockers.

Spock was already standing in front of the lift. He had a phaser in one hand pointing at the door. By the time the doors had opened fully, Spock was already putting the safety on the phaser. “Captain.”

Jim didn’t bother to hide a grin. “Spock. I’m glad to see you!”

“As am I Captain,” Spock said stepping aside, to allow Jim to leave the lift. "Are you injured?” he asked, holstering his phaser. Spock looked Jim up and down, and Jim spared a moment to wish the look was for an entirely different reason.

Jim nodded and raised his hand to show Spock the mostly healed wound. “I’m alright. I’m less injured then you.” Jim didn’t miss how Spock’s hand was still bandaged and not healed. “Anyway, tell me what we’ve got and then we’ll think of a plan and get the asshats who took my ship.”

Spock had reached out with his injured hand and rubbed it gently along Jim’s newly uninjured one; it was just a quick gesture, but Jim could imagine all that was unsaid in the kiss. “You are not planning on actually going up to the bridge, are you captain?” Spock asked. 

“Spock. You are actively kissing me. Don’t call me captain." Jim smiled slightly at the admonishment, "Also, yes! I’m going. She wants me their bad enough to attack crewmembers, so I'm going. Kevin is staying put in the medbay, but I’m going. You are too. I need you at my side.” Jim said. He was somewhat miffed that Spock would think for a moment that Jim would not go and confront the persons who dare to try to take his ship.

Spock, who had flushed a light green at Jim’s acknowledgment of the kisses, nodded. “I would not allow you to face them alone.”

Jim knew that. He trusted that. "I thought as much." 

That simple fact wasn’t something that would ever change.

Which was good because Jim didn’t know what he would do without Spock.

Together they walked to the lab. Jim found a handful of the science officers and crewmen working at full pace. Jim turned to look at Spock in question.

Spock answered, “I suspect that the players have drugged Mr. Sulu with something that makes him talk without stop and have directed the team to start building antidotes.”

Jim nodded. “Ok then. That explains why they were able to get to the bridge. How are you sure that he was drugged?” he hated to ask that about one of his most trusted crewmembers but he had to know.

One of the crewmen, a woman with a light African accent, spoke up, “We can that his eyes are dilated, and he hasn’t stopped talking. He is clearly in pain and sweating profusely. We suspect whatever is in his system is not just used for information.” She pointed at the screen that showed the bridge’s security cameras.

Sulu was trapped between two large people. Lenore Karidian was standing in front of his chair, and the rest of the bridge was in disarray. One of the stations was sparking from damage from a phaser.

Jim remembered that this lab was both a science lab and a Medical lab. The crew that worked here were capable of making that sort of call over video. Jim made a humming noise in agreement. Then he said, “Can we make a full antidote with what we know?”

An ensign answered this time, “We can’t. We can start on several to make the process faster, but it will still take sometime after we know what we are dealing with before we can make a full antidote.” She said this while pouring out a liquid into several vials. It was neon orange, and Jim didn’t want to know. He trusted them

A lieutenant watched her do this and then passed the ensign a powder that was white. She placed the powder into two of the vials and left the rest alone. The lieutenant looked up his determination in his eyes. “Get us a blood sample if you can’t get us the name of this thing. we can work from there.”

“We will,” Spock said. “Captain. We must think of a way to the bridge.”

Jim smirked. “already on that. We’ve got a Jefferies tube that ends just below the bridge, but it connects to an access panel that’s on the roof of the bridge. It’s a small fit if I remember Scotty complaining right, but we should make it.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Should isn’t a comforting as you clearly want it to be.”

Jim grinned. “Never is!”

The crew behind them laughed.  Spock sighed and pressed two fingers to Jim’s hand for a heartbeat before he turned to leave the lab.

Jim followed. The Jefferies tube was just outside of the lab.

Jim’s fingers, as always, were still warm from where Spock had touched them. He had discovered how Vulcans kiss while trying to distract himself while he was waiting for Uhura to finish the voice comparison test of Kodos.

He had been so happy to read that tidbit of xenobiology that he was distracted for at least ten minutes. Spock had kissed Jim first. That was enough to make Jim grin undermost circumstances. When they get back the ship and get back to Yorktown, then Jim was totally asking Spock on at least one date. Then maybe they could talk about the thing Jim’s been feeling in his soul. That tugging and the knowledge of what direction Spock is in at all time.

“You guys got this in hand?” Jim asked the crew as he exited the lab. He got five nods in response. The officers and crewmen didn't look up from their work.

Jim smiled and knew that his crew would get the job done.

“Come on Spock. We’ve got a job to do.” Jim said. Spock turned and picked up a case that was in a security station alcove against the wall. He placed the case on the floor and opened it. Inside there were extra battery packs for both phasers.

Jim reached for one of the battery packs and switched it with the one inside his phaser. Always reload a charge when you have a chance. He pocketed the old one. Spock did the same. No sense in being underprepared.

They reached the Jeffries tube together.

“I will go first,” Spock told Jim. Jim wanted to protest but that thing that he felt and knew what Spock was feeling and thinking, said to him that Jim wouldn’t win an argument.

So, Jim just gestured to the tube and Spock, and he started toward the vent, Spock, climbing in first and Jim, following.

The Jeffries tube got smaller as they got closer to the bridge. Jim had read the plans for the Enterprise-A before the ship was even officially named. The Jeffares tube connection to the bridge was just an extra precaution in case of turbolift failure.

The connected access panel was just a small crawlway that existed solely to help maintain the environmental systems console and the engineering station console. It was tight enough that Scotty often complained to Jim that he had to send Keenser or one of his smaller techs to do the maintenance. Scotty was little heavier than both Jim and Spock so Jim was sure that they could fit.

If they can make it to the access panel, they could get an idea of what was going on. They could plan in that quiet way that Jim was sure was the start something they hadn’t bothered to name. They could get their ship back.

They didn’t even make it to the access panel at the top of the Jefferies tube.

Despite the fact they hadn’t made a noise that would be heard outside the tube, the tube’s bridge doors opened up as they passed and several hands grabbed Spock and Jim and pulled them from the Jefferies tube.

Jim fought. He escaped the first person who had grabbed him. The guy was human, and Jim got in a lucky punch. The second and third guys were much stronger. Jim wasn’t able to get much in before they hit him hard enough to make his vision go fuzzy around the edges.

Spock apparently also fought but he was being held by a Lynnion, a member of a species that recently joined the federation. They were about seven times stronger than a human, but they also had trouble breathing in the too oxygen-rich atmosphere. The Lynnion had a mask on that allowed him to breathe on the ship.

Spock couldn’t even struggle much once he saw that Jim was captured. But he didn’t look away from Jim as they were pulled apart, there was fire in his eyes that Jim understood. It was a promise.

Jim was pulled away from Spock and dragged toward the captain’s chair where Lenore Karidian sat by two large humans. Her Father was standing behind her, holding onto one of the railings that ran along the bridge. He looked ill. The two-people holding Jim, an actor as it looked like and stagehand, held him in front of the helm.

Uhura was still on the floor near the chair. She was watching everything, but she hadn’t made a move because one of the actresses was pointing a phaser at her head.

T’Renna wasn’t moving yet, but Jim saw her breathe, so he felt some relief at that.

Sulu was still being held by two of the stagehands.

There was an actor on both the helm seats. They were still moving forward, but the ship was impulse speed. Jim felt, even more, relief that Scotty had prevented them from moving at warp.

Lenore sat on his seat, in his chair. Jim wasn’t happy about that.

“Ah, Jimmy Kirk. Ringleader of the so-called ‘Tarsus Nine.'” Lenore said. She was smiling sweetly. It was still beautiful, but there was something off about the expression. Jim decided that it was something in the eyes. “Come to reveal yourself for the criminal that you are before you die?”

Jim just glared.

-

Spock knew he could hate. That was something he had discovered about himself years ago. He hated Nero. He hated Khan.

He now hated Lenore Karidian.

She was a problem and a threat to his mate.

He hated her.

When hands had grabbed him and pulled him from the Jeffries tube, he had fought. But the Lynnion holding him was much stronger. He still struggled through. He could hear Jim attacking the person who grabbed him. Spock could see Jim escape the first person only to fall when two more attacked.

He was forced to watch as Jim was dragged away from him to stand before Lenore Karidian.

When she said that Jim was going to die, Spock was sure that he had never hated someone more than her other than Khan.

He would not find out what it would be like to live without Jim again.

Jim glared at the woman. “I am not guilty of any crime. Why should I be a criminal?” he spat out, and Spock tried to get to Jim, the Lynnion only held on tighter.

Lenore laughed, “Because you killed four thousand people, Jimmy. And blaming an innocent man for your crime.”

Jim stared at her. As did Kodos, who stood just behind Lenore.

But the others from the acting troop seemed to agree with her. Spock looked around at the actors and stagehands who filled the room. They all looked upon Lenore and Kodos with an awe that Spock was suspicious of. It was between brainwashing or chemicals. Spock would have noticed if the players had all been eating the same thing, so he started to lean to brainwashing. 

They unquestionably believed that Lenore was telling the truth. 

“What?” Jim asked, visibly thrown by Lenore’s statement.

Lenore glared him. “You know what you did! Don't deny it! ”

“What, survive?!” Jim retorted. 

Spock didn’t need the thrum of anger under his own skin to know that Jim was angry. It was stagehands, from the line of Jim's shoulders or the absolute fury in his eyes. 

But Lenore’s accusation made no possible sense. Spock felt confusion under the anger, and he was sure that it wasn’t just his own.

Lenore stood from the captain’s chair, and she walked closer to Jim. Her face angry and even Spock could see a madness in her eyes. Spock twisted away from the person holding him, but their grip just got stronger.

“You killed the colonists with the help of the rest of the Tarsus Nine. And then You and the rest of the Federation then blamed my father because he was an easy target!" Lenore said. "The governor of the colony. Leaders are so easy to blame things on, aren't they?" 

Lenore reached out and took Jim's face in her hand, cupping his chin upward, her nails digging into his face. "He kept the other half of the colony safe from you! He looked for you to protect the survivors of your massacre!” She spat out.

Jim’s face had twisted in rage. He looked past Lenore to glare at her father, “What bullshit have you been telling her?” He asked Kodos, ignoring Lenore. 

Lenore frowned, and she let go of Jim's face. Her nails had left small cuts on his cheeks. 

Kodos’s eyes were wide, and he was pale. “I never told her.” He said to Jim, “I never told her anything!” He turned to his daughter, “I never told you. You were to be the one thing that wasn’t stained by the blood on my hands.”

Lenore turned from glaring at Jim to face her father. “Don’t you see? I’m going to absolve you! You are innocent of the crime that the Federation has accused you of! The rest of the nine are dead. Once little Jimmy Kirk and his fellow criminal, Kevin Riley, are dead then the Federation will have no choice but to admit they were wrong to hide the true criminals of Tarsus, the so-called Tarsus Nine!”

Kodos froze, staring at Lenore. His expression changed from broken to horrified. “My child, what have you done?”  he gasped.

Lenore smiled triumphantly. “All those who hurt you are gone,” she told her father sweetly. She cut a glare to Jim. “Well, almost.”

“My memory is fading. I will soon forget! That I what, I want. This…this… Attack! Isn’t what I want, my child!” Kodos said, taking a step forward, “’And when my prayers to God were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!’ I wrote the orders that killed four thousand people. It was I who held a phaser. Not the innocents of the Nine.” Kodos seemed to have all of his strings cut, and he collapsed into the captain's chair.

“No, no Father!” Lenore said. “It is the federation’s lies that have made you think you are at fault. The Nine killed the colonists, and the federation didn’t want the universe to know what children had done, so they blamed it on you. You have carried that guilt around for years. I’m absolving it from you! Their lies and their evil mechanisms.”

“What bullshit.” Jim said. “how crazy are you? Your father killed four thousand people. He nearly killed me! And now he’s on the run. How hard is that for you to understand?”

Spock wanted to yell at Jim to stop talking but the Lynnion had a hand around his mouth and he couldn't.

“You killed them all!” Lenore cried out. “You have killed them, and you lied. You get protections while my innocent father has to run.”

He instead caught Nyota’s eyes. She nodded very faintly at his expression. When they have a chance, they will fight back. But to wait until that opportunity showed up. He and Nyota had developed the ability to understand each other with just a look after years of dating.

He and Jim had never needed to develop the ability. It had always been there.

Spock then glanced at Sulu, who was being held across the bridge, by Nyota's station by two large men. Sulu was still talking under a gag, so Spock did not try to get his attention. Sulu would understand later.

He also looked around to take stalk of the situation beyond, the initial ‘Jim is in trouble, and I need to save him.’

T’Renna was still on the floor, but she had woken up. She was groggy and unfocused. A phaser set to stun at close range could create such a reaction.

Their engineering officer was bound to the environmental control officer, and they were guarded but two actors. He didn’t have a science officer on duty. But the players had a stagehand near the science station. There were also two actresses who were at the helm, flying the ship. So that was their seven to the players twelve.

Not the worst odds they had faced. But not the best either.

Lenore went up to Jim and Spock could not look away anymore.

“You killed them! Your lies won’t be trusted anymore!” She yelled. “you killed them. You held the weapons. All to save your hide. You then turned around and accused my father of the very crime you committed!”

She held a small hypospray. It was shorter than the Starfleet issued ones. Spock could almost hear Doctor McCoy flinching at the cheap hypospray.

‘”When you're gone who remembers your name? Who keeps your flame? Who tells your story?’ Well, Captain Kirk,” Lenore said, spitting out his name. “You will tell your story! And the Federation will know the truth about Tarsus. That’s how your name will be remembered! As the murder and liar, you are!” She reached out and stabbed him in the neck with the hypo stray. The two stage hands holding Jim still kept a tighter grip 

Jim hissed as the drug hit his system.

Spock hated her. He could feel something echo from that place in his soul where Jim resided. Something that was upset and angry.

And he would not let her continue to hurt his mate. He struggled against the Lynnion, dislodging his hand from Spock's mouth. “Jim!” he called. “Ashyam! Please don’t speak!”

Spock twisted in the Lynnion’s grip and fought. Lenore glanced at him, but her attention was more on Jim in front of her.

“Get that ship system recording up. I want the entire Federation to see this before the end of the day.” She said to one of the actresses at the helm. The woman was at the navigator’s station. She started typing the code in. The computer beeped when it accepted the code. The actress then pulled up a video recorder and aimed at right at Jim.

Jim, who Spock noticed, had bitten down on his lips to prevent himself from saying anything.

Spock fought harder to get to him. He twisted and broke the grip of the Lynnion. Spock didn’t fight back any farther, he just attended to rush to Jim’s side.

He failed. The person at the science station fired a phaser shot at him, and Spock ducked, but it gave the Lynnion and another actor time to come catch him again.

As he struggled again, he could hear Jim start to yell. The actor pulled his phaser and set it to stun and fired.

“SPOCK!”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO OK SORRY! Sorry, this took so long to edit! Life got a little crazy! New work schedules and medical and trying to get my new orders. It has been a wild ride! :D anyway I hope you all like this chapter. I'm rather happy with it. (also before edits this was 9,000 words. Now its somewhere in the 11 thousand range. Ha! I like to do this to myself.)


	6. Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

If Jim could stop talking right now, he would. If he could stop the flow of words, he would. If that couldn't happen then, Jim would give anything to make the words actually do something more then just fall on unhearing ears

But despite his best wishes, seeing Spock collapse had unleashed the torrent of words that he could not stop.

“Spock! Please be ok, darling, my love, please be alright, please get up. I need you to get up.” The words just flowed out of him. Jim couldn’t stop it even if he tried. “I can’t do this without you, so I need you to get up. Actually, this is an order! I order you to get up commander! Spock, please be alright. I need you!”

The actor who had stunned Spock stood over him and was smirking. Jim just wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face. “I can’t wait to introduce your face to my fist. I think they would get along very well. They might become the best of friends, always visiting! You will regret hurting Spock! I don't care who you are; I will end you!”

The actor didn’t look too concerned. He had turned back to Lenore with an adoring expression, instead then look at Jim.

“Look how he cries for his first officer. How pathetic.” Lenore said next to him. "Jimmy Kirk, criminal of Tarsus iv, can't live without his first officer at his side. He wants a man who can't feel! How stupid are you?"

Jim twisted and glared at the woman. He was still trapped by two large stagehands who were holding onto his arms. They didn’t even budge as he twisted and turned.

“I detest you. You are the one who is stupid. You took my ship, and you hurt my crew. You’ve killed my friends. You killed Tom! And you hurt Spock! A person who better than you in all the ways possible! All because you think! THINK!  That I’m somehow to blame for your father’s mistakes? How crazy are you? What lies have you told yourself to create this fantasy?” Jim yelled. He knew that yelling would get him nowhere but as he couldn’t move it was his only option.

“It is not a fantasy! It’s the truth.” Lenore snapped, her face flaring red with anger. “And your lies are coming to an end now. I'm sure that you can feel the truth in your veins. Soon all you speak will be that truth, and there shall be no doubts who killed the colonists on Tarsus IV.”

Jim shook his head. “Tarsus Four was a slaughterhouse, thanks to your father over there.” Jim looked at Kodos was still in his chair. Kodos was pale and stunned looking. The man was trembling faintly. "Not because of me or any of the nine!"

“Your lies won’t work soon,” Lenore said, smugly. Her expression was self-satisfied. She turned to the actress at Chekov’s station. “Is it up?”

The actress nodded. “Yes, miss Lenore. It’s up and recording.” Her expression just as adoring as the actor who stunned Spock.

Jim hated charismatic crazy. It was always the charismatic, crazy ones who were the most dangerous.

The actress pointed at the camera at Chekov’s station that had was facing the user. It was now facing Jim.

If they had figured out how to get to the camera, then they knew how to broadcast to the ship. The actors might even know how to get this damned broadcast to Yorktown.

Jim would have to relive his worst experience in front of his whole damn crew.

Maybe more.

“Good,” Lenore said, smiling. “Now James T. Kirk. Tell us all about the truth of Tarsus Four and what happened the day the colony fell. Or if you don’t then I’ll start shooting your precious crew. One at a time. This time I won’t be so gentle as to keep the phaser on stun.”

Jim gritted his teeth and glared at the woman. “You are just pathetic.” He spat. "And a crazed maniac. like how did you even plan this?"

The actress at Chekhov’s station glared at him with venom in her eyes. Jim wondered in the back of his mind what the members of the troop were doing with this madwoman and her father. What had Lenore promised them or what she had done to earn their loyalty like this?

“Only the guilty would stoop so low as to insult,” Lenore said, shrugging and uncaring as she brushed of Jim's insult. She came around to lean against the font of the navigation console again.

Jim didn’t want to tell Lenore anything let alone relieve Tarsus. But he was aware that he couldn’t’ stop himself from talking. And she would hurt his crew.

So, his only option was to tell the truth. Jim would think of a plan as he talked. He's good at that. He's done it before. Jim took a deep breath and shook his head.

“The day the colony fell was the worst day of my life. I lost my cousin. I lost friends. I lost mentors. All because your father thought that they weren’t good enough to survive. That they were impure…” Jim took another deep breath and pulled against the two men holding him still, leaning forward to attempt to get into Lenore’s face.

It didn’t work, but it was the best he could do. Lenore just stood there, smirking, holding a phaser. He could see that he had angered her with the potshot at her father but other than that he had done nothing.

Spock was still on the ground and was unmoving.

But something in the back of Jim’s mind, or like in his very soul said Spock would awake soon.

“The grain plague was a tragic accident. That is established as a fact several years ago, ” Jim said. “The Federation investigation teams were concerned for a while that it was intentional.”

Kodos sat up straight in the captain’s chair.

The first movement he made a while. His face was white, and eyes are wide. “I didn’t poison the supply! It was an accident!”

Jim looked at the man. “As much as it pains me to agree with you, asshole, yes, it was an accident. The Federation proved that.”

Lenore smiled again like his words were to her plan. Her crazy ass plans.

“Yes,” Lenore said sweetly, the crazed look on her face fading for a moment as if what Jim's words were just what she wanted. “It was an accident that you took advantage of.” She said, looking at Jim.

Jim shook his head but didn’t respond to her in any other way. She wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of his attention. His eyes were still on Kodos.

“Everyone could feed themselves for the first month," Jim said, he could nearly smell the fields after the fungus had ruined the crop. A horrible earthy smell that still haunted Jim's darkest nightmares sometimes. "We weren’t concerned about that. It was when month number two started, and the Federation sent word that they were trying but didn’t think that they would get to us before the end of that month or even the month after that, did people start to get scared. That’s when the concerns started. That's when the panic set in. I was fourteen.”

Jim felt more than saw Spock wake up. Like a light in the back of his head turning on. The giant alien holding Spock tightened their grip. Spock didn't move.

“The guards forced half of the colony to go to the main square in town. All of the non-humans and all humans who were less, in any way. I think. Some eugenics went into it. I never understood the full reasons. No one has. Expect you.” Jim continued, still talking to Kodos and ignoring Lenore.

“While I’ve got ideas as to why I was on the list to die, it could have been my record with the law; it might have been my few allergies, it may have been the fact that I was George Kirk’s kid. But I never really knew for sure. Who knows what part of me was really the reason you wanted me dead so that ‘others may live.' Jim said. He knew that his tone was dead and lacking inflection.

Kodos flinched and stared at him. “I felt the reasons that the half who had been chosen were always clear. They were better in all ways or had the potential to be. They were healthier, smarter and would survive. You weren’t part of that list.” Kodos said tentatively. 

Jim shook his head. "that was never clear. Kevin was three. His parents were both on the kill list. So I just call bullshit on your plans."

“Father! You do not have to guess at the reasoning of children. You are not at fault!” Lenore said walking around the helm to stand at her father’s side. She placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it. “The Nine did all that. You were there to stop it! What else could have happened?!”

The actors around them made sounds and phrases for agreement. They apparently believed her and this crazy idea that Jim and eight other children were the cause of the deaths of four thousand people.

These people genuinely thought that a child as young as three could pick up a phaser and kill not only his friends but his family as well. They honestly thought a fourteen-year-old could do that and order others to do so as well.

Jim wasn't sure what pissed him off more. Their belief that he could do what Kodos had done or the fact Lenore had found fifty other people who believed such bullshit.

“I did no such thing!” Jim said, unable to help himself. The drugs in his system were still potent. One of his guards twisted his arm harder. He winced in pain. The man only laughed.

Lenore let out a cry of rage. She ran from her place at the captain's chair to face Jim. She placed the phaser to his temple. "you will no longer spread lies, Captain Kirk." she spat out. "The truth always finds its way, and you will stand before it no more!" 

Jim didn't stop himself, "I don't know what crazed delusions you let yourself believe, but you are wrong!" 

Lenore grimaced and started to pull the trigger on the phaser. 

"Lenore," Kodos said, "Stop." 

Lenore froze and then returned to her father's side. 

Jim watched her move. Lenore did not move the phaser away from him until her father looked up at her. 

Kodos was clearly horrified. "This is my fault!"  

Jim still didn’t feel a bit of sorrow for the old man. He was a genocidal asshole with a god complex who fathered a murderer. 

Lenore dropped the phaser on the captains’ chair’s armrests and took her father’s hand. “You have never been at fault. They are the ones who have destroyed your legacy. You tried to save the colony. They are the ones who killed it.”

Kodos looked up at her with a sad expression. “’What is a legacy? It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.’ Oh, Lenore! What have you done?”

Sulu stopped struggling. The lack of movement caught Jim’s attention. Sulu was no longer fighting, but he was still talking. But he seemed to be able to resist the words more. There were longer gaps between his sentences.

Jim felt relieved that whatever they had been poisoned with faded rather quickly. Maybe.

Lenore smiled, bright and unfeeling, "Do you see father? I've saved you! No longer will you suffer from the lies from the Federation nor deal with the reasoning of children who did not understand what you were trying to do. 

“Reasoning of children?! Who didn't understand?" Jim yelled. “You're right, we never understood! You want to talk about reason ask him. I never knew why Kevin’s parents were chosen, but he wasn’t! I don’t know why Hiroshi Saito was on that list! I never knew why I wasn't fit to live! Or Linette! Or any of us! We weren’t weak. Linette was bajorian! Kevin was three! Hiroshi was a decorated retired Starfleet officer! Tom’s whole family died! We never understood the rhyme or reason we weren't good enough for your father. No one has! The reasons were arbitrary,” he struggled against the two men holding him, but the results remained the same. He couldn’t move much. They forced him to his knees and kept him there.

Kodos and Lenore looked at him with very different expressions. Kodos looked horrified, and Lenore looked ready to kill Jim.  

Kodos opened his mouth to stay something, but Lenore shut him off with a glare.

Lenore picked up the phaser and walked up to Jim again. “Tell the truth, Jimmy! Why did you kill them? Why did you and the rest of the nine kill the people in the square? My father only was trying to save them. He was going to feed them! Were you angry that you weren’t going to be fed first? Were you trying to save the rest of the colony? Why did you do it!” She aimed the phaser back at his head. 

Jim looked up at her. "I didn't." 

Lenore glared at him again. She had a look in her eyes that was unmistakably obsessed and broken. She honestly didn’t think her father could have done anything wrong. 

Jim strained himself to looked past her and saw Kodos.

Jim knew something most of the people involved with the tarsus investigation didn’t. His mother had told him after the inquiry had finished, he had never told any of the others to save them the pain. Now was the time to say it. It may gain him some time. 

“The Federation never announced it to the public, but there was enough grain!”

Kodos stood suddenly and rushed up to Jim. He shoved his daughter out of the way and grabbed Jim’s shirt and pulled him to his feet.

“What do you mean there was enough grain!” he sounded horrified, pained and scared all at once.

Lenore repeated his question. “What do you mean there was enough grain?” she sounded calm but angry.

Jim resisted the urge to spit in Kodos' face. “I mean, Starfleet did a count before they left the planet. Not only had you never! NEVER! Ordered the extra grain supplies to be disturbed but there was also enough grain to feed the colony at least for six months. The ENTIRE colony, all eight thousand, could have survived.”

Kodos released him. He dropped Jim so hard that the two guards who had kept a grip on him while Kodos had held him, kept Jim on his feet. “No. That’s not… not possible! There wasn’t enough. There wasn't enough grain! I read the reports myself. There was no way of knowing! There was no way! To know that Starfleet would come so soon!”

Jim laughed, and even he knew it wasn’t a pleasant thing to hear. He didn’t need Spock’s flinch in the back of his head to tell him that. Or Uhura’s twitch or Sulu’s pause in talking. “The day I saw you shoot Tom. And Hiroshi and my cousin, Meredith, and the rest, was one of the worst in my life. I saw you and your ‘peacekeepers’ take up phasers and shoot into the crowd. We fought back! You still killed them all.”

“Stop lying!” Lenore cried out. “You killed them. You are the murders who killed them all. Not my father!” She slapped Jim. Jim felt her nails cut into the flesh of his cheek and he felt Spock snarl in his head. “You killed the rest to protect your eight children. You have a phaser set to Kill to children to keep them alive at the expense of four thousand others. How was that a fair price? Nine children for four thousand lives? ‘I hope that you burn.’”

The force of her slap was forced Jim to turn his head. As he brought his head back around, Jim saw that Kodos was pale and shaking. 

Fine tremors were shaking Kodos’s frame.

Jim forced his eyes from Kodos, who had nearly collapsed against the helm, to Lenore. “I’m not lying. All I did was follow orders of someone who shouted run. Also,  _Lenore_ ,” he spat out her name, “If we had all survived, we would have been the Tarsus fifteen. But no. Not eating, injuries and this man, your father, the governor of Tarsus IV, made sure we didn’t all survive. We were hunted. Five of the original survivors died. They never saw Starfleet come. All because your father wanted to kill us! How is that fair? Ask your father!”

Lenore’s face twisted into such a rage that Jim felt the two men holding him stiffen. 'Not so trusting when your beautiful actress is exposed,' Jim thought. 

“Then you will die, Captain Kirk. Because of your lies.” Lenore raised her phaser and pulled the trigger.

Jim closed his eyes. In the very depths of his soul, he apologized to Spock for not surviving this. For allowing Tarsus to be the end of him somehow. 

Somewhere faintly, Jim heard a cry from Spock, a faint ‘NO!’ in the back of Jim's mind. 

Then a louder repeated phrase. This yell from a different source.

“NO!” Kodos shouted.

Jim opened his eyes to see Kodos throw himself in front of the phaser beam.

Lenore cried out as the phaser hit her father and he collapsed. She rushed to him, and Jim was let go by the two men holding him. They to rushed to Kodos’ side.

Jim punched one of the guards as he passed Jim and tripped the other. They went down right next to Kodos. The one that Jim punched collapsing with a solid hit to the temple and the other hit his head on the helm station.

Kodos didn’t move despite the large actor that nearly fell onto of him.

Jim ran to Spock’s side. Or attempted to.

Lenore’s scream of rage made him freeze in his tracks.

“You killed him! James Kirk, you killed him!” She screamed, rising her phaser again. Jim dove behind the helm for cover as she fired. Sparks exploded along the bridge as each bolt hit a console and screen. 

Uhura pulled her self from the deck to crouch next to him. She helped him to his knees. The phaser flew about their heads to strike one of Sulu’s guards.

Jim watched as the man collapsed and fell. Sulu, now freed on one side, punched his remaining captor. The reaming actor collapsed, blood flowing from his nose. Jim inwardly applied. Sulu must have been practicing if he could do that with just one punch.

T’Renna was trying to sit up, but the stunning took a lot out of a person. She was able to move, but without a doctor’s help, she wasn’t able to do so quickly. Jim motioned for her to stay down. She nodded and stopped trying to get up.

The actresses at the helm shrieked and bolted out of the seats to the sides of the room. One ran to the still sparking science station, and the other attempted to run to the turbolift door. 

Lenore’s frustrated cry was loud and piercing. Jim peaked over the helm to watch her break down.

“You killed my father, Captain Kirk! I’m going to kill your first officer!” Lenore cried out. She had a wild and broken expression on her face. Her grief overwhelmed by her madness. Her hand was visibly trembling as she raised the phaser and pointed it at Spock. Spock surged against the hulking species who was holding him.

With her other hand, she was reaching for another hypospray.

Jim wasn’t going to let her use another hypo no matter what it held in its container. Jim nudged Uhura, whom Jim trusted to follow his lead when he needed her to, and then leaped over the helm.

“Not a chance of that!” Jim cried out. “You won’t kill Spock! You won’t kill him! Let it go! Your father is dead!” he bowled into her, knocking Lenore over. “Stay down! I won’t let you hurt any of my crew!”

The phaser went off one more time. This time it hit one of the unoccupied stations, causing more sparks to fly out. The two stagehands that were keeping guard over the two officers ducked and moved away from the sparks.

The two officers leaped to their feet and seized the stagehands and wrestled them to the floor. Jim had always trained his people to take advantage of anything that would allow them to survive a situation.

Jim kicked the phaser out of the way. Uhura, who had followed Jim over the helm, skidded past Jim and grabbed the phaser from the floor. She put the phaser on stun, twisted and fired at the actress who had been at the helm and was now near the science console. The woman collapsed. 

Uhura then aimed the phaser at Lenore.

Lenore laid on the floor sobbing.

Jim didn’t want to take his eyes off her, but the noise by the turbolift doors forced his eyes away.

The species holding Spock had let him go when Jim had tackled Lenore and tried to reach her. To defend or to help her Jim didn’t know. The hulking species tripped over T’Renna, who turned and grabbed their ankles.

Spock took advantage of the alien’s distraction and grabbed the alien by their waist and twisted in a way that made Jim mildly impressed and pushed the person to the floor, near T’Renna but not on her. He then reached up to the person’s neck and pinched them.

The hulking brute finally was still. Jim sat back and watched as Spock shook out his arms and rubbed at his neck. Once making sure that he was alright Spock helped T’Renna to the engineers’ seat.

Jim could feel Spock's concern and anger in the back of his mind. He really liked this whole thing and wanted more of it. 

Lenore never moved. Only the actress who had been sitting at the navigators’ station remained.

“Miss Lenore! Miss Lenore!” the woman cried, trying to stand from where she had fallen trying to escape from the phaser fire. Sulu came up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. The woman looked up and paled. Then she looked back to Lenore on the floor. “Lenore?”

“She’s gone,” Jim said harshly. “And you are the last one standing. Want to fight? Because I really want to fight right now.” The drug that he was given still hadn’t worn off. He really didn’t have much control of what came out of his mouth.

The woman just shook her head and looked down at her hands.

Lenore didn’t sit up, but she sobbed as she spoke. “Father! I know that greatness lies in you but remember from here on in: History has its eyes on you.”

Jim sighed as he looked down at Lenore. The killer of his friends.

“Let me tell you what I wish I’d known when I was young and dreamed of glory. You have no control who lives, who dies, who tells your story.” He said softly. He knew the play that both Kodos and Lenore often quoted from.

It wasn’t the Bard. But it was close enough.

Spock stood and walked up to him as the turbolift doors opened and Bones, Kevin, and Chekov ran onto the bridge.

-

Quickly taking stock of the people in front of him and the situation they where in, Bones went to the new Vulcan girl first. She had been stunned, and with what he saw before, down in front of his med bay, she would need a few hypos. 

The phasers that the Kardian Players had been using were powerful and had a minor psi-nulling effect. T'Reanna's telepathy might be a bit off. She would also be feeling shaky and nauseous. Bones quickly pressed several hypos into her neck and arm. 

In comparison to the med bay, the bridge was quiet. The med bay was busy with injuries from people fighting back. The new security leader had told him that he was sending the injured members of the acting group to the med bay and then they were being taken to the brig. 

Bones had nodded and assigned his one of his doctors and two nurses to deal with them 

Scotty was fixing the issues with the comms rather quickly. According to him, the actors weren’t very creative with hacking. He also said that each system would have to be repaired individually and that might take a while. 

The bridge was just a handful of shaken officers and a few unconscious or non-responsive actors. His team spread out among the people left on the bridge. 

Chekov went to Sulu’s side, and Bones did not feel jealousy because of that action. Absolutely did not. He did allow himself to admit to feeling concern at Pavel being up and walking so soon, but he had checked out clear, so Bones had let him come along. 

Kevin followed Bones to T'Renna, once they had both seen Jim standing and glaring at the woman, Lenore Karidian, on the floor.

If Jim was standing, then he would be fine or at least Jim wouldn’t’ be willing to accept Bones’ help until the rest of his crew has been treated. Jim was still talking, but Jim was always talking, so Bones placed him lower in the line he was mentally creating for triage. The parallel cuts on the side of his face weren’t bleeding, and Jim had worse before. He would still refuse help until the crew was taken care of. 

Kevin kneeled on the floor in front of the Vulcan as Bones waved his tricorder around her head. “T’Renna? Everything Ok?”

“I am functional but tired. I haven’t been stunned before by such a powerful phaser.” She met Kevin’s eyes, and Bones watched as a flicker of emotion played across her face. If he hadn’t been so very good at reading Spock, he wouldn’t have seen it. T’Renna was happy to see Kevin, safe and sound.

“Yeah, well, when Starfleet requires all cadets to be stunned, they do so on the lowest setting.” Bones pulled a hypo out with a headache medication that always worked well with Spock when he was in the med bay but rarely worked on humans.

“I’m giving you a hypo for the pain, T’Renna. I’m sure that you would rather mediate your headache away, but this will hold you over until you can do that.” Bones told her as he pressed the hypo into her neck.

T’Renna looked up, “Yes Doctor.”

“Mr. Riley. Please take T’Renna to the med bay. Chapel can finish her up.” Bones said to Kevin. Kevin stood immediately and helped T’Renna to her feet. It was always nice when the new kids listened to him. The crew never kept that respect of him for long. Especially if they became one of the alpha shift bridge crew.

Bones straitened up and looked over the bridge. His team was helping the actors and stagehands that Jim and his team had subdued. They were clearing the bridge. The two environmental officers where being treated for just bruises and scrapes.

Spock was standing next to Jim, staring down Lenore. They both seemed to be in a world of their own despite the fact they were both beaten up and bruised.

Uhura stood before the view screen, still holding the phaser, always trained on Lenore. Several of the security team were coming in the room and were taking the actors away.

Lenore was sobbing over her father’s body.

Pavel stood next to Sulu. Sulu, who was still talking nonstop, was sitting at the science station. Jim was doing the same thing. Bones thought they had been drugged with the same thing. He would need to get some blood from both of them to give to the lab.

Bones’ caught Pavel’s eye and Pavel shook his head. Bones nodded and went to Jim. Sulu wasn’t hurt just talking. Pavel smiled, and Bones felt his whole world brighten up for a moment. He had been so relieved to see Pavel walk into the med bay. He was sure that his heart had nearly burst.

Bones knew that once this was done, then he would have to do some serious reevaluating of his emotions and he would not be sober for that. Because he was sure that Chekov was quickly winning his whole heart and soul and that was scary as hell.

But that was for later.

He walked over to Sulu and quickly ran a tricorder over him. Sulu looked up and visibly bit his lips in an attempt to not speak. Sulu glanced at Pavel and bit down harder at his lips.

“Stop that, Sulu. It's throwing my reading off. Can’t stop yourself from talking any other way?” Bones asked when the tricorder picked up on the slight pain and bruising that Sulu’s teeth were doing to the inside of his lips.

Sulu shook his head. “I really can’t stop talking any other way. I can’t really control what I say, but I’m not compelled all the time to speak. Only about half the time. When I do start speaking, it’s hard to stop though and every thought I have goes out my mouth, and that's weird. Pasha have you told Mc-“ Sulu pressed his hands to his mouth and winced.

Bones sighed. “Go to the med bay and donate some blood so we can wash this from your system ASAP. Other than a few bruises and the inability to stop talking you are fine.”

Sulu smiled and babbled, “Oh good. I didn’t mean to get bruises, but they held on tightly after I decked one of them while trying to escape. They deserved it.”

“Yes, they did," Bones said.

“I’ll take him to the med bay,” Pasha said. Bones nodded and smiled at him.

Chekov smiled back, and Bones pulled his attention from that smile to his two friends and commanding officers. He could hear Sulu still talking as we walked away and they walked to the turbolift.

Both Jim and Spock looked roughed up. They both were leaning on the helm as they watched two security guards pull the sobbing form of Karidian to her feet and away from her father’s body.

They were touching just at their shoulders. 

One of his nurses leaned over the body of Kodos with a tricorder and a padd. She was filling in the details for the death certificate.

Bones glanced over the readings and didn’t interrupt. The information was right. He then stocked over to Jim.

“Bones!” Jim said when Bones came up and stuck a hypo for pain in his neck. “Ow! what was that for? Oh. Never mind. I can feel the pain in my hands go away. Excellent. Really excellent. I really want to stop talking now. That would be amazing. Not talking. Know how to do that?”

Bones looked at the tricorder as he waved it about Jim’s person. “I’ll need to get some blood from you and Sulu if Karidian won’t tell us. But you’re fine other than that.” He looked up and smiled slightly at Jim. “Well, other than the cuts. But they will heal well once we get you to the med bay.”

Jim smiled back, but the expression was a little strained. He kept glancing at the helm. And the navigator’s seat. Bones spared a glance at the position and realized that was from where the broadcast was played from.

“Honest question Bones, how bad is it? How much do they know?” Jim asked. He looked down at Karidian on the floor and winced. Bones didn't ask who 'they' were. 

He knew. The crew. 

Bones grabbed Jim’s shoulder and pulled Jim’s attention back to him. “They saw it all. Karidian broadcast the whole thing.”

Jim winced and again but Bones tightened his grip and Spock moved and took Jim’s hand in his. “It will be alright, Jim-boy,” Bones said.

“Indeed, it will be, ashaym,” Spock agreed.

Bones ignored the fact the only times that he and Spock agreed with anything was when it came down to Jim. And even then, it was a rare event.

He mostly ignored it because Jim’s expression was one of someone so deeply in love that it wasn’t even funny. And Spock had the same look in his eyes.

He then turned to Spock and winced at the results that the tricorder displayed. “Shit, Spock. Why aren’t you sitting? You got stunned with the same thing that T’Renna did! How aren’t you on your ass right now?”

Jim answered for Spock. “Adrenalin. Lots of it. I don’t think he feels a headache, but I’m sure he’s got one. Also, his arms hurt but aren't broken or anything.”

Bones pressed a hypospray into Spock’s neck. Despite Spock’s protest. “I am alright…”

Jim glared back at Spock. “You dislike the word ‘alright’ as much as you dislike ‘fine.’ Last time I used it to describe my health you went into a Vulcan rant about words and the lack of clarity of language.”

Spock just raised an eyebrow.

Bones sighed. He ignored the fact that Jim shouldn’t have known about Spock’s headache.

If their relationship had finally developed to the point that Spock could project his pain then well… that was a good thing. The handholding was also a good thing. It was all a good thing. Jim deserved to be happy for once. Spock did too.

“Anyway,” Bones said, interrupting whatever argument Spock was going to give, “I want you both in the med bay as soon as possible. Jim, I’ll need blood from you and Sulu.”

Jim looked like he was going argue with Bones, but Spock just tugged at his hand. Jim sighed and nodded.

Uhura spoke up. “Sir, I still officially have the Conn. You deal with this. I’ll be able to stay up here for a while.”

Jim glanced at her. “You sure? I can get someone to replace you if you want.”

Uhura shook her head. “Hell no. Besides, I need to fix the helm station’s broadcaster. I don’t know what they did to pull the feed, but it’s now jamming every signal in the ship. We’ll be running notes by hand for a while if I can’t get it fixed." 

Bones spoke up, "Scotty is working on the repairs now. He did say something about it being easier from the communications center..."

Jim smiled. "Uhura! Get a runner to tell Scotty that he can work up here. He also might want to bring a large toolbox and several techs. The bridge will need some work too."

"I will tell him," Uhura said and smiled back at him. 

Jim nodded again. “I trust you to get the job done. You are the one who pulled the red alert right?”

“Yes, I was,” Uhura said, handing the phaser to one of the security guards and taking the offered set of tools.

“Excellent. I’ll be putting a commendation in for that for you.” Jim told her. “I should put you in for like twenty commendations and awards. Can I do that? Because you need them. I hope I can do that. Spock, can I do that?”

“Twenty might be excessive, but there is no regulation that says you cannot try,” Spock said. Bones noticed that Spock still hadn’t let go of Jim’s hand. He shared a glance with Uhura. Uhura, who knew what Spock was doing in Vulcan culture, was grinning at the pair of them.

“Excellent! I’m sure I can come up with at least twenty different reasons to give Uhura awards. I’m going to do that so, Mr. Spock, please remind me that I need to attempt to give Uhura like twenty awards and commendations when I feel better.” Jim said, grinning at Spock.

Bones snorted. “I’m sure he will. Come on Jim-boy. We need to get you to the med bay. You need it.” He started over to the turbolift.

Jim snorted. “Fine but I’m going to complain the whole way there.” Jim still followed Bones to the lift. Spock also followed along. It was just the three of them in the lift.

Jim reached out and stopped the lift.

Bones looked over. Spock just raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry. Just need a moment before I see the crew," Jim said. He leaned against Spock and Spock actually wrapped his arms around Jim.

Jim sighed and relaxed.

“They aren’t gonna judge you, Jim.” Bones said. He watched as Jim made an agreeing noise into Spock’s chest and then took a step back. He dropped Spock’s hand. Spock also took a step back. Bones understood that to mean neither was really ready for the crew to either know or at least comment on the relationship that was finally building.

Bones reached out and put the lift back into motion.

Bones was sure that the crew wasn’t going to judge Jim. If they did, then they didn’t belong on the Enterprise. They weren’t Jim’s crew. Plain and simple.

The door slid open on the level with the med bay. When Bones had left, the hallways were only filled with the crewmembers who had been injured while fighting the actors. And a few of the actors themselves.

Now, it was filled with more of the crew. Everyone who could fit and be spared.

Bones knew without having to look that Jim put his game face on. The look he wears when he feels like it's him against the world.

Bones has seen that face more times than he would like; less in the last few years and mostly against admirals but never to Jim's crew. 

When the crew saw Jim, their faces went from grim and worried to smiling and happy. It was then Bones realized that it wasn’t just anyone who was free, the crew around them were representatives from every lab and work center. Every shop and office on the ship.

They were happy to see their commanding officers. The broadcast was still playing. So, no one could call up and ask the bridge what was going on.

Jim stopped and looked around. “I’m fine, just tired and more prone to talking right now. Commander Spock is also fine, just tired. Go back to your work centers and tell them that everything is alight. I’ll make an announcement when Doctor McCoy says I can.”

There was light laughter, and a few of the crew left. Jim continued to walk to the med bay. Bones and Spock right behind him.

Jim stopped before the doors. He turned back to the milling crew members.  “Can someone tell engineering that Lieutenant Uhura might need some help rewiring the helm. She might need the chief engineer to assist in that project.”

One of the engineering crewmen said, “I will let them know sir.” And she darted away.

Jim smiled, and Bones sighed, “Jim, stop playing matchmaker.”

Jim’s protest of “I’m not!” was interrupted by Spock.

“They have already gone on several dates, so there is no need for a ‘matchmaker,'” Spock said.

“I didn’t know that Scotty had asked her out already.” Bones glared at Spock. He saw that Spock wavered as they got closer to the med bay doors. He would have to do something about Spock’s inability to say that he’s hurt.

“I am aware. Now I have informed you,” Spock said, placing a hand on Jim’s shoulder.

Jim just laughed as they entered the med bay.

-

Kevin was sure he was going to collapse soon of stress. In the last two hours, he had sat in the med bay with T’Renna. He wasn’t feeling great, but he was fine.

Really, the mild nausea wasn’t much.

He had recovered from the poisoning enough that McCoy couldn’t stop him from leaving to help storm the bridge. Not that the action had ended up necessary. But the intent was there. He wasn’t about to allow Jim just walk into an event (that had already hurt T’Renna) alone without trying to help.

Then the broadcast had gone out, and Kevin could see Jim have to relive everything that they had worked hard to get past and get over.

Several of the nurses had figured that he was the Kevin that Jim had referred to while yelling at Kodos’ daughter.

They hadn’t mentioned it, but Kevin could see it in their gazes.

Kevin sighed and pushed the thoughts away. T’Renna was more important.

T’Renna had been stunned. And that was more pressing than his tiny bit of light headiness or his panic.

She was still shaky, and that was hard to see. The actors had used a phaser that has a stun setting only just below the kill setting. Bones had told him that the security team had found out that the phasers also as a psi-null effect. 

He was sitting next to her bed. The nurses were running around and occasionally stopping by T’Renna’s bed to check her readings.

“Riley, are you sure that the doctor has found you fit for full duty?” T’Renna asked for the second time. Apparently, Kevin wasn’t as skilled as he thought at hiding the dizziness. Kevin nodded.

“Yes. McCoy said I was good. So, I’m good. Besides, it’s just a little lightheadedness. I’m fine.” Kevin told her. He didn’t want to bother the doctor with something that would fade shortly.

She sent him a Vulcan glare that plainly said she didn’t believe him. “Riley. Get up here. We can share the bed. If you are lying down, stretched out, you will be less prone to fainting because of lightheadedness.”

Kevin just gaped at her. “…What.”

“I did not stutter, …Kevin.” She said. Kevin contained to gape at T’Renna because she looked away when she said his first name. Because she was doing this thing that was as close to blushing as he had ever seen.

“…OK, but you are doing the explaining if McCoy or Nurse Chapel gets mad.” He said standing up from his seat and claiming gently into the bed with her. He stayed on top of the blankets.

As he settled and got comfortable, he felt T’Renna relax into his side. Some of the lightheaded feelings did fade as he stretched out. But it was a feeling of calm that came from T’Renna that made him lean more into her side.

It then dawned on him what that meant. “Your telepathy is a little off, isn’t it?” Kevin asked. "That phaser did something?" 

T’Renna nodded and actually pressed her face into his neck. “Yes. My shields are compromised. I am … upset, for lack of a better term, that I was unable to do more for the situation on the bridge. I had promised myself that I would be able to help more than I was able to when Vulcan was destroyed.”

Kevin nodded his understanding. “I think the fact that you tried did help. And you helped subdue Mr. Spock’s captor.”

T’Renna just pressed her face into Kevin’s neck harder and did not contradict him but did not agree either. 

M’benga walked near and stopped when he saw T’Renna and Kevin. He came up the pair and looked over T’Renna’s current readings. Then he pressed the padd to see her past readings.

“Mr. Riley, normally I would ask you to move, but you seem to have a very positive effect on her telepathy readings. I wasn’t aware that you two shared any connection. Please stay with her for the next few hours. T’Renna, do you need a private room? Somewhere quieter?”

T’Renna pulled herself from Kevin and looked up to face M’benga, “No I do not. Just please allow Kevin to stay.”

“Will do. Carry on.” M’benga left them alone to talk to a nurse.

Kevin waited a moment before he asked, “Connection?”

“It is not a bond. However, our minds are compatible and we are …friends, I believe the term is.” T’Renna said leaning back into Kevin. She had stiffened up with the lack of contact during the short conversation with the doctor. “It is not like Mr. Spock and the Captain. They are truly bound but we have the potential to do so with ease should we choose to.”

Kevin felt his face flush and said the first thing that came out of his mouth, “Would you like to find out if that’s something we could possibly want to do?”

“Riley that is extremally vague. Please be clear.” T’Renna said into his neck. She sounded the same, if slightly exasperated.

Kevin took a deep breath, savored the feel of T’Renna against him and asked, more clearly this time, “Would you like to go out with me on a date? So that we can see if bonding is an event that we want to do in the future.”

T’Renna was silent for a moment. And all Kevin could feel was his heartbeat. He had wanted to ask her out for the last year. He hoped she would say yes. She was kind of the best thing other than the Enterprise itself, and he really wanted to be apart of her life.

“I would be amenable to that,” T’Renna said.

Kevin grinned and wrapped an arm around her. T’Renna tucked in closer. Kevin understood that she was only doing this because her telepathy was a bit weird right now and he was ok with that. As long as she was ok with the occasional cuddle in private, he would be happy.

T’Renna’s voice was muffled by his neck when she spoke again, “I would be more than amenable to that idea, Kevin. So, do not concern yourself with that.”

“Excellent,” Kevin said. he looked around the room once more before his eyes landed on the privet room that McCoy had swept Jim and Spock into.

What amazed Kevin just wasn’t that T’Renna was shaky and tired from being stunned, it was that Commander Spock had remained standing for longer then T’Renna had before he collapsed, and Doctor McCoy had placidly thrown him on a bed. 

It was little strange to see that slight smile on McCoy’s face.

Jim had been given a privet room, as had Mr. Sulu. They both had blood taken, and both complained loudly about that. They weren’t in the same room, however. They were in the only two rooms that were off of the med bay. Chekov was with Mr. Sulu. Apparently, he was still speaking truthfully and with very little censor.

Jim was speaking nonstop, almost babble like phrases. He was very concerned that he would start spewing Starfleet secrets at some point. So, McCoy had placed him in the higher security room.

Spock had kicked up a fit when he had recovered enough to realize that he wasn’t with Jim. McCoy had given Spock simple look that said he was going to knock him out if he fought but had moved Spock to the same room. Kevin was sure that Jim and Spock had the same reactions to the other being injured and not being in the same place.

They were entirely in love, and Kevin was happy for them.

Now that Kodos was gone and his crazy daughter was in the brig, maybe they would do something about it.

-

It was less than a week ago, just hours after the ship had launched from Yorktown when T’Renna had come up to him and asked how to form and maintain a romantic relationship with a human.

Spock had suddenly and viscerally understood Mr. Sulu’s explanation on how he and his husband had gotten married. The ‘don’t ask me, I have no idea how I did this,’ Mr. Sulu has often repeated was precisely how Spock had felt during that conversation.

With Nyota, she had been the one to approach him. They had built a relationship with that fact, slowly and carefully. He still didn’t know how it really started and he also didn’t fully understand how the relationship worked. Just that it did. So, he kept doing what he was doing, hoping that it would be enough. He genuinely wanted the relationship to ‘work out’ in human terms.

And it did for years. A little over three of them. But in the aftermath of the attack on Yorktown, and his decisions that he made beforehand, it was clear that whatever he had been doing, wasn’t enough anymore. For both himself and for Nyota.

There, he, at least, had been taught the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

He was no longer in love with Nyota. But he loved her still.

He didn’t understand how his relationship worked with Nyota. And he really didn’t understand how he was nearly in a relationship with Jim.

And honestly, that’s the question that T’Renna was asking. She did not know that he had previously dated Nyota. She only saw his developing relationship with Jim.

Spock had told her the truth.

He was unsure how to start such a relationship.

T’Renna had tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. “Unsure, Sir? Are you not in a relationship with the captain?”

As much as it pained Spock to refute her, he did. “I am not. However, the possibility is there.”

T’Renna nodded, “I see. I was under the impression that you were already beyond the possibility. Is that why you were comforting the Captain during the play?”

“Yes. The captain was distressed and needed comfort. I saw that you did the same with Mr. Riley,” Spock had responded. He had figured out which human she wanted to form a relationship with, based on the fact she did comfort Kevin Riley.

“Riley needed my help to remain calm. Sharing mine with him was logical. My desire to have him as a mate is not involved in that action.” T’Renna said. She looked at her hands in her lap. They had been in Spock’s office. The one gesture of nervousness was enough to tell Spock that she really wanted this.

“Did you have a bandmate on Vulcan?” Spock had asked as gently as he could. 

He supposed that to a human he would have sounded harsh.

To a Vulcan, he would have sounded overly emotional.

To Jim and most of the crew of the Enterprise, he sounded like Spock.

T’Renna looked up and nodded. “I did. He did not survive the escape of Vulcan’s atmosphere. He had wanted his siblings and me to live. They do, and I do, as well.”

Spock understood how such bonds acted. While bloodline houses were still significant, Vulcans were also forming new family lines with the remains of bonds. Vulcans who were once merely companions and as humans called it, ‘friends’ were now joining to create houses. Siblings of bondmates who survived but the bondmate did not were now being added to the surviving bondmate’s house.

Vulcans were tribe based. They needed such bonds to survive. So, they formed them.

Seeking a mate was also something that Spock understood.

“Does Mr. Riley show any signs of human attraction to you?” He asked. “The captain has shown signs of human attraction toward me. That is part of the reason I am sure you were of the impression that we were bonded.”

T’Renna considered it. “I am unsure. I will complete more research in to the area. I do not believe he would be opposed to a relationship, but I am unsure if he is attracted to me.”

“I have found humans need more than just logic for them to peruse a relationship. I would establish if he is, indeed, attracted to you before further action,” Spock had told her and then dismissed her. She had taken her leave, and the only other time Spock had a conversation with T’Renna was when he gave the orders for her not to leave Kevin alone after Jim told Kevin of Tom’s death.

Now as he listed to the very illogical way Kevin asked T’Renna out on a date, Spock could admit he felt relieved. He had been standing at the door as the exchange took place.

They would work well together.

Spock walked to and sat on his bed in the corner of the most secure med bay room. Jim sat on the other bunk. He was glaring at the bandage on his arm where he had given blood so they could figure out what they had been drugged with. The room wasn’t built for two beds, but McCoy had scowled and took a chair out to make it work. The result was that if Spock reached out, he could touch Jim’s hand.

So, Spock didn’t stop himself from doing just that.

“As I was saying, I can’t believe that she had the never to tell that to my face. Like really. How was I supposed to know that was her prized rose? There wasn’t a sign or a notice. It was on my property, kinda. It was my mom’s but whatever…” Jim rambled on. Spock understood that Jim was talking about nothing serious to keep from talking about important things. Jim didn’t need him to respond. Jim just wanted Spock to be there.

Jim intertwined their hands the moment Spock settled into his bed. So, Spock really didn’t care what Jim talked about. Spock could feel that Jim was safe and alive.

Spock was happy, and he could admit that.

“Spock?” Jim’s voice was hesitant. Through their hand contact, Spock suddenly felt Jim’s trepidation and fear. Spock looked up from their connected hands and saw that Jim was staring at him rather intently.

“Yes, Jim?” Spock asked. He didn’t like the two feelings mixed up in Jim. They were unpleasant to feel. 

Jim took a deep breath, “If I don’t ask this now I’m not going to ever so here I go. Spock, what does Ashyam mean and why do I feel you in my soul?”

“…In your soul?” Spock asked he wasn’t sure what Jim meant by that. He had an awareness of Jim in the back of his mind.

Jim huffed but smiled. “It’s the best way I can describe it. Like I know where you are and how you are feeling. Like its knowledge, that’s apart of me, but it’s you.”

Spock felt his eyes widen. He had not expected that. Jim was psi-null. He was aware that of the T’hy’la bond but he didn’t think Jim would be. “You feel that awareness? You actively feel my presence?”

Jim nodded. “It's nice. I like it. I just know things, and it’s wonderful.” He smiled and tightened his grip on Spock’s hand. “In fact, it started when you started kissing me. But it got stronger when you got stunned." 

Spock fought back a blush at that. “I was unaware that you understood the gesture.” He didn’t attempt to pull away. Jim’s growing happiness was beautiful to feel. "Where did you learn it?" 

“Well, I didn't know, not at first, but I saw a picture of your parents yesterday, and well they were doing that. Then I did some research. Is that what Ashyam means?” Jim asked as he squeezed Spock’s hand and then got out of bed. He crossed the small space and climbed into Spock’s bed.

Spock shifted to the side and pulled Jim closer. He loved the contact of their hands and how it helped with his weak shields prove that his T’hy’la was alive but having Jim lying next to him would be better.

He would be able to hear and feel Jim’s heartbeat.

“Ashyam means beloved. That is what you are to me.” Spock said when Jim had settled down with Spock’s arms wrapped around him.

Jim’s delight was astounding at the words. Spock saw the smile bloom across Jim’s face and how it grew. Jim turned his head and kissed Spock in the human way. Spock pressed back into the kiss.

After a moment Jim pulled back. “I don’t think I have words in Standard about how I feel about you. I love you doesn’t seem to be enough to describe what you inspire me to feel.” He huffed out a laugh and placed his forehead against Spocks. his smile was brilliant.

“I find that neither Vulcan nor Standard have helped me either,” Spock told him. Spock let a small upturn of the corners of his mouth but no more.

With this much contact, Spock could hear quite strangely Jim’s thoughts.

_He loves me! After all these years, he loves me!_

“All these years, Ashyam?” Spock gently asked.

Jim froze for a heartbeat and then smiled ruefully. “Got that telepathy going?” He wasn’t upset, Spock could tell that. “Spock, I’ve been in love with for years. Almost from the start. Or at least I started falling on the trip back to earth when I was still unofficial acting captain.”

Spock felt his eyes widen. He has thought Jim had fallen for him some time since the start of the five-year mission. Not so early.

“You waited for years for me to figure out that we are T’hy’la?” he asked, tightening his hug around Jim. He was upset that it took him so long to figure it out.

“I’m assuming T’hy’la means us in some manner. Tell me later. But yes. Once you stayed, there was no way in hell I was ever going to move on. I tried, but it never worked so I gave up.” Jim said. He turned to twist in Spock arm’s, so he was facing the doorway again. He leaned back, and Spock could still feel Jim’s happiness. "And you were happy so... I could deal with it.”

“I love you,” Spock told him. “We have a bond that allows you to feel me. That’s what T’hy’la means. More or less.”

Jim smiled, “I figured.”

Then quietly Spock said, “You will never find out what it will be like without me. This is my promise to you. That’s when I realized that you meant so much more to me then I knew.”

Spock felt the bond in the back of his mind. He pushed all the love he felt, along with the relief that Jim was alive and not killed by a crazy woman.

He smiled when Jim pushed all he felt back to Spock.

Jim smiling and Spock was honest with himself enough to say that he loved it.

“Don’t think we won’t have a conversation about you choosing not to leave when I order you too when faced with overloading phasers, Spock. We’ll just do that later.” Jim’s voice was starting to get sleepily.

“If we are in a similar situation again I shall think about obeying at that time.” Spock lied through his teeth, eyes closing. He was also tired.

Jim nudged him in mock anger but quickly stilled.

Spock wasn’t awake when McCoy came in an hour later with the antidote to what Jim and Sulu had been drugged with. McCoy sighed and injected Jim and placed a blanket over both of them.

He smiled down at his friends and knew that everything would be all right.

-

_Captain’s Personal Log star date 2264.8_

_The ship has just left the Federation Starbase and City Yorktown for the final time. We have resumed the five-year mission. The crew is eager to put The attack on Yorktown and the siege of the actors behind us and get back to what we do best. Exploring the universe! The stars are always calling to us._

_Before the ship left I, Mr. Spock and Kevin Riley all attended the funeral of Tomas Leighton. It was beautiful. Tom would have really enjoyed what was said and how many people came to remember him. Kevin and I both sat with Martha Leighton, and she was pleased we were able to make it._

_Admiral Chase has formally apologized to the crew of the Enterprise as well as to Kevin Riley and myself for allowing Kodos the executioner on our ship and allowing them to get on board the ship with only a cursory search of their belonging. Chase is dealing with the staff that was persuaded not to search some of the sets. I’m just glad that it’s over._

_Lenore Karidian will be placed in the best psychiatric care. She will need it. When she woke up from everything, she was convinced that her father was being held in a different room and demanded that she see him. Bones decided that it was best to allow her to have her delusions._

_The actors and stage crew of the Karidian Players are also in psychiatric care. They are breaking through several years of conditioning and brainwashing performed by one Lenore Karidian. Apparently, she had gotten this insane idea when she was about ten. Nine years of planning. She couldn't handle the truth and developed this theory to suit her needs._

_On a personal crew note: I suspect I’ll be performing a wedding sometime in the next two years. Scotty and Nyota are definitely on the way to that happy place. And honestly, yay! Keenser is sure that it will be a quick engagement. I think it’s going to be a long one. We’ve got a bet._

_Bones owes me. I managed to get him to spill about his relationship with Chekov. The man is in love and won't admit it! Now I’ve managed to get them in the same collateral duty. They both are in charge of setting up an exercise. I’m sure that the joint engineering -med bay training exercise will be successful. And I hope that Chekov will finally get up the nerve to ask Bones out. I don't want to leave them locked in a closet or anything desperate._

_Kevin and T’Renna have asked that if we get anywhere near New Vulcan that they would like to take a Shore leave there. As Spock and I have that plan in mind for the exact same reason, I was happy to comply. It won’t be for a while, but I suspect we will be able to make a quick visit sometime in the next year._

_As for me, I’ve been eating. Most of the crew will make sure to eat and then tell me to feed myself. I’ve got the best crew. It was hard for the first few days after Lenore’s attempt. Spock really helped me get back on my feet._

“Jim, are you done with your captain’s log?” Spock’s voice came from the doorway. He was dressed in his regular science blue shirt. He carried with him a tray of food for the pair of them.

Jim looked up and smiled, “Almost. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Spock nodded and disappeared into the eating area of Jim’s quarters. Jim turned back to his recording.

_Spock is genuinely the best first officer and partner in the universe. I am lucky to have him as a bondmate, although we will have to wait to complete the bond on New Vulcan fully. We’re also planning on getting married in the human tradition there too._

_I’m sure that the next two years will be filled with new experiences and things to see._

_And 'I am not throwing away my shot' to see it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! So that's the end of History Has Its Eyes On You! I hope you all have enjoyed reading my remixed Conscious of the King for AOS. I am proud of this work because this is the first time I wrote anything without the manic feeling of inspiration driving me from the start. So hey that's now a thing I can do! When I started editing this story, it was nearly 51,000 words and as you can see it ended up being in the 56,000 range. Yay! 
> 
> I'm pleased with how this turned out. You'll see more from me in general, but this story is done. Unelss I can think of another remixed episode, but that's unlikely. (and if I did it would focus on the others pairings with Spirk being background.) 
> 
> Anyway, tell me on Tumblr! asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon !


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